One in the Chamber

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by INKrypt, Jul 14, 2010.

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  1. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    i never know whether to post my stuff in the poetry or the written rap sections, cause they're always a bit of both... oh well, hope you feel it. this is my first post in this section, but i posted a piece or two in the poetry realm. gonna be more active now, couldn't be before cause of life.




    crumpled figure, wrinkled fabric, tattered soul...
    shaking frame, emptied shell, breathing slow...
    this wall supports the weight of a head he can't lift
    he can't shift the weight to get up and seize control...

    the room's spinning like the pencil on a compass
    with him at the center, heart skewered by the metal tip
    a broken record, brokenhearted, repeating "I didn't want this"
    as if there was someone nearby that was compassionate

    one in the chamber, no roulette, he had intention
    clicked the hammer, finally... the conclusion, right?
    he spent a life running against the worlds rotation
    model running man, sprinted hard, but no progression

    path of self-destruction, seeking heartbeat stoppage
    the wall only seems solid when he beats his head against it
    in his self-reflection, broke the mirror, cut his shell
    vulnerability sickened his pit, can't even look at himself

    []

    grasping for an answer, he missed the days when he knew it
    when he had life on lock, like he lost the keys to it
    heart strung out like a puppet, time to cut the chords
    pressed the barrel to his headache, one squeeze and it's no more

    but... no... his finger would not kiss the trigger
    as if it refused premarital, it and death did not exchange vows
    he dropped the exit, heard it hit the floor and it clattered
    as he pressed his knees against his ears, "what now..."

    rocking back and forth, a dying turtle flipped over
    it's over, sick of living a life with no worth
    screams of helplessness, rage, and bloodied fists
    scarred wrists from attempts ditched, depressive fits

    life is sand, no matter how much you grasp it tighter
    it always spills apart, slips away between your fingers
    we all long for some water to keep it together
    but most lives are barren, this world is a desert

    []

    so now he wanders, a rat in a maze with no cheese
    aimlessly, crossing streets so recklessly
    hoping, a car will meet him and end him rapidly
    lacks the bravery to live, but too cowardly to leave

    or is it the other way around? he leaned against a wall
    stiff like a coffin, fiddled a cross necklace
    that dangled around his neck, a self-pity violinist
    some kid rolled up and asked him if he was Christian

    he smirked and said no, that he had no intention of being
    oh the necklace? just something he picked off the streets
    the kid smiled said "maybe He wanted you to find it"
    "well if you're god knows all, he could've shipped it to my address"

    he made to leave, the kid was leaving in the same direction
    so they talked a bit, he made light of the conversation
    persistent child, insistent that there's God that cares
    he rolled his eyes, "and that's why you're in a wheelchair?"

    he asked when she'd get out of it, she said never
    she smiled, they parted ways, he left bothered
    he had so much more, but she had something he was missing
    touched the cross, felt something engraved... John 7:38
    test
  2. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    this was dope as fuck. it read like poetry for 80 % of it but then a little rap type twist. it flows nice, I enjoyed it. Your vocabulary is pretty diverse as well. nice open mic man. check mine out in return.

    pce.
    test
  3. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    Messages:
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    thanks for the love! yeah i had a phase when i was all about poetry.. and then all about rap... but now that i've matured and really started finding my own voice, my style became a fusion of both
    test
  4. LyricalMaze

    LyricalMaze The Scottish Warrior

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    really enjoyed this man, very poetic and angsty, kind of thing I like.

    This was my favourite part:
    "path of self-destruction, seeking heartbeat stoppage
    the wall only seems solid when he beats his head against it
    in his self-reflection, broke the mirror, cut his shell
    vulnerability sickened his pit, can't even look at himself"

    I've just written a few things myself for the first time in ages and I have just read this and thematically it's the same street I'm going down.

    Really nice work dude.
    test
  5. dsp2k5

    dsp2k5 Dime Sack Pimp

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    Yeah hell yes this was dope here. That's what I'm talkin about right here. You had this down from the get go n shit. Nice drop .. gonna reread later
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  6. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

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    thanks for the feedback guys, much appreciated
    test
  7. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    return the feedback :)
    test
  8. Out Write

    Out Write New Member

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    nice.. i actually read the whole thing, Pretty good.
    test
  9. INKrypt

    INKrypt New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
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    thanks for the feed dude..

    gOoD! i returned the feed a while back o_O i'll give you feed when you post a new one regardless =T
    test
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