Oh Ladies...

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Jersey_Emcee, Aug 14, 2005.

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  1. It didn't need to indicate that in order for someone to think about encouraging this kinda of man instead of letting him pass by because of the fact. I could be wrong, but this leads me to think that a woman only interested in a man with his 'shit together' is a little materialistic. There are good men out there without much direction for many reasons, it seems to me that you would date a med student, for the title, the prestige, and the potential income he has to offer you. What if the guy was 25, living at home, trying to get into college to be a med student, but he could not afford it, hence he did not have a car, or a place of his own at that particular time? According to the initial post, he would not be good enough for you or other women who have posted here through no fault of his own. So, these days, women call guys without direction 'fixer uppers'? How lovely. (sarc) This is when the pursuit of independance get's twisted. Its like it dulls that maternal instinct and sharpens the material one ( a big turn off for us guys).

    And thats what i'm getting at. All these women who are hongry for independance, so, much so, that when they meet a man who isn't kitted out to meet their modern lifestyle demands and every function to answer to her every material whim, she can't bring herself to nurture that man.

    and thats sad.
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  2. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    I don't date men that need to be pushed or encouraged in order to provide the basic essentials (a roof over his head or the means to pay for it) for themselves. As I said, I believe in supporting a partner to live to his/her full potential, but I'm not about to mate a grown man who can't take care of himself... nor am I about to commit to someone I couldn't see myself marrying... nor am I about to marry someone who already shows me that he can't hold his own and provide for himself at the very least.

    how so..? I didn't say I needed a man with a fat bank account to fund my shopping habits or to buy me that milliona dollar house on the hill... I'm working to provide myself with all of the material things I need/desire in life. Nowhere in this topic have I stated that I wanted a man to provide mewith anything... I said I would not commit to a man who couldn't provide himself with the basics... if he could do that, we could build together from there.

    and that's cool... more power to 'em... those just aren't the men for me.

    I was being facetious, Brit... not that I see anything wrong in wanting to marry a doctor... any woman would be lying to tell you otherwise... much like any guy would be lying if he said he didn't want to marry a physically attractive woman. Besides, I'm pre-law... I'll have my own title/prestige/income... I'm not waiting for a man to come around and take care of me. But some how I don't imagine I'd get the same response if I said the same thing about a car mechanic.

    I already said that there were exceptions... depending on how tenatious he was in pursuing his goals I could work with him. Most of the people in school are struggling to make it, myself included... I can identify with his situation and would encouarge him not to give up in his pursuit. And stop with the not being "good enough"... I didn't place that personal judgement, you did... because someone falls outside of what I prefer does not mean I consider them not to be "good enough" or unworthy... provided the information I was in the initial question, my answer is still the same.

    [qoute]This is when the pursuit of independance get's twisted.[/quote]
    Not really. I'm able to take care of myself and I desire a mate that is, too. Wheres the twist..?

    My instincts don't lead me towards coddling a grown, able-bodied man... they lead me towards one that can provide. Any man who is turned off by that is one I wouldn't want to be with, anyway... fortunately for me, many are not.

    Since when are a roof over your head, transportation and a job "modern lifestyle demands"..? A car can be, depending on where you live, but the other two are basic necessities. And you can stop adding all of that "every material whim" stuff to lend because I never stated nor implied anything like that... once again, the topic is speaking of a man who has "nothing to offer", not even to himself. And once again, I do not apologize for my position on not dating such men.

    and thats sad.[/QUOTE]
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  3. MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN

    MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN Ray of Sunshine

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    Isn't that all part of being in a relationship?
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  4. The initial post said, men that don't have "a lot to offer" not "nothing to offer" A man for example, may live at home and not have a car but still have some things going for him, these may not even necceserily be material things. It would be unfair/materialistic to let him go, just because you were interested in him being financially secure with a good job before you knew what kind of person he was.

    because it seems you will rule out a person based on their status, job, place of residence, car etc. You see men as 'fixer uppers' if they dont meet your standard which is measured by having certain material things. Helping them is out of the question because that would be 'coddling able bodied men' which is not your responsibility. You want to get it all yourself and be independant, yet you want a man of a certain standing. Are you saying it is not with some material thought to gain to prefer a lawyer/doctor over a mechanic?


    But ask yourself why you would rather have a doctor over a mechanic. That is ofcourse if we accept that men of good and bad charachters can be doctors or mechanics.

    Physical atrraction and marrying someone because of their chosen career is different.And what has gender got to do with it? Men 'and' women marry for atrraction, ( and yes sometimes this can be shallow), however, When do you ever hear a man say that he wants a woman who is a doctor over a woman who is a hairdresser?

    yes, 'not good enough' is an emotive sentence, but thats what it comes down to when a charachter isn't taken into account, and what he can put down on the table and be counted, is.

    What have instincts got to do with not being willing to take any responsibilty to nurture/encourage/be with/ a man who hasn't got his ish together? You think this is 'coddling an able-bodied man', but I suppose men shouldn't need help, reassurance, encouragment to pursue dreams, because they, are, men/?

    and btw: When I spoke about men being turned off, I mean't that men in my experiences are turned off by women who are materialistic, period. Not that Men are turned off by women who have certain expectations, values, of them, they would be turned off fopr example, by women who would look materially at his situation and make a decision based purely on that.

    I may have said every 'material whim', but you also, said 'coddlin and able-bodied man'which is equally rhetorical. Acting like he is some lazy so and so who dont know his arse from his ankle on purpose.
    If you base your decision on dating a man by excluding the content of his character and instead allow for, titles, prestige, social honour, wealth, expectant wealth, instead, then you are being materialistic, and overly materialistic in my opinion.
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  5. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    I didn't even read all of that. We'll just have to agree to disagree on this one...
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  6. how you gonna say that we are going to agree to disagree even though you didn't read it? lol

    thats the second time you bailed on me, btw.

    sall good though.
    peasche.
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  7. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    I didn't mean to bail on you... I just think its pretty pointless for us to go back and forth ad nauseum on the subject... I'm perfectly fine with us not agreeing on the type of man I (should) choose to deal with.
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  8. ad nauseum. that's one way of putting it.

    It's upto (you) who you choose to date and for what reasons, all I was doing was showing how the mindstate chasing certain kinds of men can be materialistic. I do underdstand that you want a guy with his stuff together though, God knows i'm trying to get mine together. I just dont think people should let the material side define everything else when choosing partners, and these days, independant women seem to be doing that, while at the same time dropping the responsibility to nurture because they are so busy taking care of themselves.
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  9. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    Well you're certainly entitled to your opinion. Good luck to you.
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  10. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

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    HOW YOU GONNA STEAL MY PEASCHE???? ...and put it after all that nagging of yours... triflin' behind!
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  11. NAGGIN? I didnt know naggin till I met you :p


    PEASCHE!
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