North: 8. The Unorthodox Vs. 4. Tha Talent

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by Nebz, Sep 6, 2003.

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  1. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    VERSES DUE Wednesday 10:00pm PACIFIC/1:00am EST
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    test
  2. the unorthodox

    the unorthodox New Member

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    test
  3. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    test
  4. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    celebrate me - delegate me to infamy
    my history is that of causing history
    physically
    a metalic shape woven by a blacksmith
    the last hiss
    the last kiss
    the blast, inks
    to drastic
    ...
    the war monger
    the poor starved miltiaman in torn armor
    adorned on him, a generation degenerating scorned honor
    sworn somber
    packed deep in the barrel - the door stopper
    the holster
    the holder
    the colder
    the closer
    poured out on - a click - a boom - the choker
    the overdoser - the molder of a fate left in comatosis
    the birth - the death - the cymbals bash as symbals dash
    deeper than a simple clash - the flow of moses
    a moment - confounding generations past and present
    the last revenge is - the sweetest - wearing the mask of vengance
    the trenches - the steady trigger finger turned grave digger
    the brave singer - jumping juvienile curphew to make bigger
    the stupid, callow - delinquent with cupids arrow
    flew coup with sparrows - anonymous - the proof is narrow
    doomed to battle - sooner scatter ---- the mentality
    the strategy - the maddened seams - bursting on edge
    a dynasty - an upstart birthing the end - casually
    the fallacy - worthless amends left unabridged
    beneath the hills - scenic stills just tuft the ridge
    ...
    i am the bullet that conquered the french, spanish, english, and portugese
    the flash of gun powder and iron that stole the ports and seas
    the revolutionairy - the big bang theory that stands, searing
    the uncontrollable force that works to man's fearing
    the uproar - the crowd - the commotion - the pot smokin'
    Carter to Reagan - sparkin debates and tearing at God's clothin
    Korea - Vietnam - Japan and the sweeping bombs
    in 69, the tie dye'd shirts came out to see my song
    Hendrix - Sinatra - Kubla and Ghengis Khan
    2Pac - Ghandi - Perot - plus the man who sang to Gods
    ...
    the horizen - the brink of conflict soon arising
    surmising - the edgy group comprising the skies links
    a chain of red and blue, the timing - surprising
    bickering - snickering - gloating - fickleness
    - a slight glow from the end of a ciggarette
    emprisonment
    trapped in the back of the chamber
    - "abstain from behavior that makes for more danger
    the strangers will waiver if we just show we're major
    and maim and sit patient" but it was so blatant
    the graces - the falsified poker faces - the paces
    so naked - the truth sprawled everywhere - clasped tighter
    a fighter by nature i can't just sit back and be nicer
    the spite horse kicked back to drown and swirl
    the sounds of squirrels, and pounded - hurled
    the bullet - the sullen -
    - the shot heard 'round the world..






    for all you who don't know - and didn't ever take a history lesson or something - the shot heard round the world was the start of the (american) revolutionairy war, and is a shot that no one knows who fired...it was the beginning of a trend that saw the downfall of all major imperialist countries.
    fuck it - just look it up.
    test
  5. Vadik

    Vadik New Member

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    test
  6. the unorthodox

    the unorthodox New Member

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    write about the unsuccesful story of ending your life, a la "suicidal failure" by cage.. you've tried anything and everything you can think of, but you just can't do it.. expand.

    dear laurie,
    now i got myself wondering, why’d i sell my soul to the devil?
    i continue to follow a road so disheveled even though i know i’m resentful.
    i start shit not even an iced molson can settle.. shit’s got me stressing & worried.
    memories frozen cold, corroding my mental.. god please, i confess i’m unworthy.
    i clutch, grasping a hold on my pencil, feeling for once that god’s message concerns me.
    i’ve been.. so unsuccessful.. hoping to god in the essence of mercy..
    it’s funny, see.. everything i was born & blessed w/ has hurt me..
    shit left me stained w/ pain that bled through my jersey.
    aggressed by both oppression & depression.. i tried to lessen the fury.
    my obsession for deception has got me stressing & worried.
    unable to decipher w/ reason.. & w/ nothing left to impress i’m a mess & i’m dirty
    my life of deceit is slightly uneven, hard to believe it was ever once sturdy.
    see, i thrive as a demon, so now.. instead of resting i scurry.
    & w/ a mind never sleeping, instead of focusing on perfection i hurry.

    & so now i’m past the point where i feel suicide is an option.
    what was once a mind that tried to be cautious is now a mind of exhaustion.
    i’m frightened & lost & i understand i scarred your internals.
    so look, i’m.. sorry i hurt you, i never should’ve made you a martyr in virtue.
    i’m marking my journal w/ thoughts provoked by my hatred.
    i spoke in a language broken by anguish, but now i’m hoping to change it.

    my life’s a wreck, just a trifled mess.. i’ve tried every type of suicide, what’s next?
    i can’t seem to decipher just yet why i didn’t succeed when i sliced my chest.
    so i slit my wrist w/ the blade &, only stayed in the hospital one night just to rest.
    sick of the anguish.. gripping a gauge &.. pressing it against the side of my head..
    but every fucking clip was a blank, shit.. feeling torn & ripped by the hatred,
    i figured i’d stick to the basics, so i attempted a typical hanging..
    but, the rope just snapped, broke in half, & left my body split on the pavement.
    w/ multiple attempts in my past, i was bent by the facts.. getting a little impatient.

    time to get a little creative.. i slit gills in my throat & jumped in the ocean.
    i was starting to black out when i felt a sudden thump then a motion.
    i awoke on a shore next to a dolphin that apparently didn’t get the message delivered.
    so i stumbled to my feet, feeling weak & a bit nauseous in both my intestines & liver.
    got home, took some pcp, sat on the sofa, & let it waste away at my stomach.
    didn’t succeed, wishing indeed that the razorblade had just done it.
    so i stuck my face in the oven, but the fire detector was sounded.
    the fire department responded to the alarming, & took me away in a stretcher i wound in.

    two days later i was released from my short-stayed hospital visit,
    during which i had thought up a plan.. soon to be another life lost & diminished.
    i’m not gonna tell you the plan, see, you’d try to stop me & consider me psycho inspired.
    signed & sincerely, your brother,
    michael a. myers

    if you don’t know anything about the halloween movies.. michael’s suffered serious injuries, blows to the head, anything & everything, etc., etc.. he survived though

    get it?

    hope so

    pz
    test
  7. Nebz

    Nebz R.I.P. Point Game

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    both verses are in
    test
  8. aura

    aura unityyyyyy

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    tha talent's verse sounded like it belonged at a poetry open mic

    what was it about

    vote - the unorthodox
    test
  9. Vadik

    Vadik New Member

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    that's not a vote *shakes head*

    I can't pick a winner...both were awesome.
    I'll come back on this one later...
    test
  10. aura

    aura unityyyyyy

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    i don't know, it sounded like aesop rock or something
    test
  11. the unorthodox

    the unorthodox New Member

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    that doesn't count.. if you wanna vote, break it down..

    it remains 0-0

    pz
    test
  12. DahLohner

    DahLohner Straight Up Un-Holy

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    both verses were amazing.

    Talent- Great verse, your flow was creative and original, great word choice, and your topical was very far-reaching, encompassed some important elements, great job.

    Unorthodox- Nice verse as well, you remind me of Infinite Truth with the interrhyming style, the story was strong, descriptive, and pretty creative to combine suicidal tendencies with Mike Myers invincibility. Nice verse as well.

    Vote-Tha Talent. Both verses were pure fire, but I gave Talent extra points for creativity and for his coverage of the topic

    IMOUT
    test
  13. Richard Corey

    Richard Corey battle like a savage

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    Talent's verse was about "the shot heard around the world." And it's my pick. although I loved unorthodox's piece, this is just an example of someone coming very creative with their topic. Un's topic was already written for him, it was so specific there was only so far he could take it.

    But Talent took his topic and expanded and broke it down into so many sections. He traveled through time and space with that topic and he did it with such technical ease. The multies, the flow, the rhymes... all of it was just ill...

    Un's piece was nice too, but ironically, it was so orthodox. It was written like every other verse and his take on the topic wasn't anything beyond face value. Not bad most of the times, but against Talent's inspired verse...damn

    vote: Talent
    test
  14. Tha Talent

    Tha Talent , Tha Master.

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    aura probably doesn't know too much about the War for American Independence on account that he is British
    i'm sure they don't like to teach about their country losing a war against a bunch of upstart rebels
    - but whatever
    test
  15. ..::Peepers::..

    ..::Peepers::.. New Member

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    talent.....crazy flow, everythin rhyme great, the imagery was off the wall, so vivid and inspiring even....the connection between that and shot heard round the world wasn't as strong as i expected for me tho, great peice, loved every line, kept my attention

    unorthdox, first thing that jumps out at me was the bar length, it really hurt the flow of the story throughout, it was like reading paragraphs. but the emotion was dope, word choice really helped that, i was feelin that aspect. and the ending was weak, really wasn't a surpise or anything interesting.....it was blah....to say the least

    for a better thought out verse and better flow i vote = Talent

    dope battle
    test
  16. LDogg The King

    LDogg The King The High Life

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    sup, just wanted to come in an say real nice drops by both. def feelin them
    test
  17. aura

    aura unityyyyyy

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    no, because we won
    test
  18. TRAP.

    TRAP. i'm soo old school.

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    finally a battle !

    i thought orth's verse was pretty nice ... with the topic he choose he really couldn't get too creative, but he managed to twist it w/ the mike myers theme. pretty cool. you were pretty descriptive but i think you killed yourself by picking this topic only because theres no way to make it seem so creative that everyone is amazed ... it was just ... expected somewhat. scheme was alright, in parts the flow was less fluid, but still worked.

    talents verse was pretty crazy. it had a smoothe the hustler type flow to it & it grabbed my attention from the beginning. not really on the way he placed the words, but on how fluid it went w/ also made the story move so well i hardly was concentrating on anything else ... its a good flip on this topic, because usually history is really really really really boring to me ...

    i think talent got this one by a smidge. good battle guys.

    vote = talent.
    test
  19. TeKneeK

    TeKneeK The Heart and Soul of RM

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    Talent won this...closing it - seemingly obvious
    test
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