~ Night ~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by GaLaTeA, Oct 15, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,406
    Night.
    Pale moon,
    open graves,
    dark cloud.
    The cemetery is shrouded in mysterious black.

    Night.
    Forest fairies,
    dance with the wind,
    naked bodies.
    White glow on the shore.

    Night.
    Silence everywhere,
    nobody hears steps anymore,
    nobody hears the cries anymore.
    All have fallen.

    Night.
    Darkness throughout,
    everything is shrouded in obscurity,
    hidden traces.
    Night creatures.

    Night.
    Solitary horseman,
    rides across the plain.

    Night.
    The black wolf,
    running through the darkness.

    Night.
    Blade glitter,
    incised,
    someone screams.
    Blood.

    Night
    without the guardian,
    light fires,
    without guards.
    Holy door.

    Night.
    Solitary horseman continues it's midnight gallop.
    Wrapped in black.

    Night.
    Black crake, black wolf, black rider,
    only a bloody blade in bloody chunks of bloody hands,
    rip darkness apart,
    only black figure with a black soul, black laughs,
    cuts the silence.
    The night does not end.
    • Hot Thread Hot Thread x 1
    test
  2. WWByeye

    WWByeye former White widow

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2011
    Messages:
    2,691
    -fucked up high post-
    test
  3. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,406
    ...I see you're working on your battle verses...(=
    test
  4. WWByeye

    WWByeye former White widow

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2011
    Messages:
    2,691
    -paranoid high post-
    test
  5. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,406
    ...fine by me...(=
    test
  6. WWByeye

    WWByeye former White widow

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2011
    Messages:
    2,691
    great poetry Gal
    test
  7. NOBLE SOLDIER

    NOBLE SOLDIER Fireball Kid

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 1999
    Messages:
    70,900
    i liked it babe.. its still a little simple. but u have improved a great deal.. u just need to streagthen your metaphors.
    test
  8. essdee88

    essdee88 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2011
    Messages:
    15
    Very good keep it up
    test
  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    I like this, and the way you handled the imagery was cool for the different elements you chose to write with. But, I think that the descriptiveness fell flat toward the end because of it's topical repetition through out the whole. It never changed in tone or mood...and because of that, it took away impact. This needed a full spectrum to really satisfy.

    Still, a good drop.
    test
  10. patrown

    patrown student for life

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,177
    With that already being said, I did enjoy the read. Thank you for the post!
    test
  11. GaLaTeA

    GaLaTeA Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2010
    Messages:
    31,406
    Ty so much for all the feedback. (=
    test
  12. Alias3000

    Alias3000 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2008
    Messages:
    4,181
    needs work
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)