NEVERENDING....keystyle inspired by mindsoul.......

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by lpoet, Mar 1, 2004.

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  1. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    12,678
    ....wrote this as a reply to mindsouls latest piece..he had a line (inside of me jesus died) that just blew me away...


    Who was i to critizie the path outlined
    by the icy tears i cried for
    in my heart
    jesus died
    rosary beads and
    holy water baptized
    the soul of a lamb and
    body of a lion
    see i was not who they saw for
    skin so often covered
    my flaws
    beseached these blessings
    amongst a storm of sin
    eyelids hang low
    keeping emotion in
    this was my sanctuary
    and i prayed to the alter of
    forgivness knowing i would do it again
    old fears fade away quickly as i
    wondered down the isles of remenisence
    cluttering page after page with my pen
    eventually the memmories sank in and
    i was forced to spit each vowel out the
    corners of my mouth
    and when the after taste ran thin I again
    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....
    i just cant stop b/c
    it feels so good giving in
    test
  2. Nebulaz

    Nebulaz fear God, not man

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    950
    "the soul of a lamb and
    body of a lion
    see i was not who they saw for
    skin so often covered
    my flaws"

    ^ loved those lines - helped solidify the piece.

    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....
    i just cant stop b/c
    it feels so good giving in"

    ^ gave me shivers down my spine.

    L this and Minds' were just so well driven and designed i had a sit me down and engineered one myself.
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    "water baptized
    the soul of a lamb and
    body of a lion
    see i was not who they saw for
    skin so often covered
    my flaws"

    Those lines there were very strong man. It really said alot to the reader. I always said myself you can never tell who a person really is until you put a pen and a piece of paper in front of them.

    "and i prayed to the alter of
    forgivness knowing i would do it again"

    One of the main reasons why i had to stop praying myself. It just didnt seem right trying to do good when you knew for a fact that you was gonna turn around and do bad. Something i'm trying so desperatley to work on.

    "i was forced to spit each vowel out the
    corners of my mouth
    and when the after taste ran thin I again
    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....
    i just cant stop b/c
    it feels so good giving in"

    Ended it well with those lines.

    one luv
    test
  4. Zeta

    Zeta New Member

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    Feb 1, 2004
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    Yea, you have skills, but it's sounding very dark at the end. Where's the hope?!!!! I mean the ending made you sound a little hedonistic, or were you just playing devil's advocate?
    I dunno it made me feel creeped out.
    Peace
    test
  5. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

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    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....
    i just cant stop b/c
    it feels so good giving in


    i liked it alot, just so many quotable lines. very very nice
    stay up
    test
  6. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2003
    Messages:
    1,308
    and when the after taste ran thin I again
    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....
    i just cant stop b/c
    it feels so good giving in


    HOT DAMN...this piece was amazing...esspecially those last lines...and i know that many of people can realte to this as well as myslef. I've felt like this on so many occasions!

    The whole piece was excellent. And i wanted to qoute more...but those lines just jumped out and slapped me....i loved this....truly a terrific piece!!

    mad love
    test
  7. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

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    This drop was real strong, so many aspects of it, it had me thinkin a hella lot. i Lv'd reading every line, you came strong from beginning middle to end.
    Much Lv
    test
  8. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    Wow this was crazy there are a lot of quotables in this, and i did read this before in mindsouls post the first time, but damn It was still crazy the second time around. Some interesting ideas and thoughts in there too. Man just fiyah, absolute flames im feelin this one


    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  9. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    it does feel good to give in..thats why we sin..sex/drugs/alchool/lies/all that feels good sometimes....seems like a never ending cycle sometimes....we do the same things over and over again...

    sin
    repent then
    sin again

    thats what i was saing with that last line

    thanks for the replies everyone
    test
  10. Catch TWENTY 2

    Catch TWENTY 2 Poet Extrodinaire

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2003
    Messages:
    569
    Reminds me of something Mason Betha Jr. said : "Then again, why repent when I'ma sin again"

    Dope piece man. Definately one of the dopest I've seen in a minute. Stay up.
    test
  11. Zeta

    Zeta New Member

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    Feb 1, 2004
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    I know Ipoet I was thinking carzy when I posted that, you're right that's what makes this poem so strong.
    Peace
    test
  12. StubbilyMug

    StubbilyMug DayorDollar Records

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    Sep 29, 2003
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    "i was forced to spit each vowel out the
    corners of my mouth"
    ^first of all--ill

    flows nice and overall value is there man
    very accurate word usage

    could definately see more to this
    test
  13. kyza soza

    kyza soza This way up.

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    Jan 5, 2004
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    16,576
    old fears fade away quickly as i
    wondered down the isles of remenisence
    cluttering page after page with my pen
    eventually the memmories sank in and
    i was forced to spit each vowel out the
    corners of my mouth
    and when the after taste ran thin I again
    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....

    ^^^this led perfectly to the closer...which i may add, was utter fiiiyah...a perfect end to a real nice poem...imagery was tight throughout, the vocab was extended but didnt cut up the flow once...flow really was butter...

    this really was a hot poem, and to be done off of one line that someone else said...amazing..i know i couldnt do that

    a job well done

    pz

    soz for the timing lol
    test
  14. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    Messages:
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    Up...........
    test
  15. reincarnation

    reincarnation New Member

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    homie, ya know how you do it,...tight
    test
  16. Big-Byrd

    Big-Byrd Muhammad Atta

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    test
  17. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    I like that...I like that alot...you need to write more often. Quit takin' breaks and shit. lol
    test
  18. illpoetical

    illpoetical raising the bar everyday

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    I was forced to spit each vowel out the
    corners of my mouth

    this was ill per usual so i don't have to say what everyone else has already
    tight tight

    1ne
    test
  19. Nu Voice

    Nu Voice the mystery of iniquity

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    "and when the after taste ran thin I again
    drank from the cup of filth lust and
    beautiful sin....
    i just cant stop b/c
    it feels so good giving in"
    __________________

    u have a good selection of quotable lines, but this one stood out~it is self-thought provoking. good idea to end with these lines. wow. i was really feelin this. respect.
    test
  20. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Messages:
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    OK, I feel left out, because I wrote a piece like this inspired by this movie I was watchin called, "A TIME TO KILL" with Sam Jackson. But it seems to me that you took this a step above and beyond what I was even starting to think about...

    Then again, I don't like to write too many religious pieces.

    but as of lately, I'd have to say this is my favorite piece from you in a long minute...Off the chain...
    test
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