Nebulaz V.S Sporadic

Discussion in 'Writer's Block' started by Mind~$oul, May 7, 2004.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pick 1 out of the 5 Topics listed

    1. You escape from prison. Where do you run to?

    2. If you could be a teacher for one day, what would you teach and why?

    3. Your parents are in the next room arguing, suddenly you hear 3 gunshots. What do you do?

    4. You are a flower. Tell us what it feels like to blossom

    5. It's 3:25 a.m. And you awake to somebody beation no your door. When you open it, the devil is standing there. He tells you it's time to go. What do you do?


    Min=16 lines
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    No Show=4 lines

    Sign in by wednesday, May 12th! Verses Due Friday, May 14th!

    You must vote!!! It will count against you!!!

    Voting Due Tuesday, May 18th!!!
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  2. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    word - I'm checkin in....duecez
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  3. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    well, lpoet asked me to check this out...I guess I'm in, I'm still at work right now, but I'll be back to let ya know fa sho...
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  4. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    You're in the tourny ?
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  5. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    taking nebulaz place nakey
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  6. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    Devil's Advocate....

    Here it is...Went with a little Biggie rendition to set it off...

    Who the fuck is this?? Knocking at 3:26 in the morning
    Not even dawn yet, so I’m yawning…
    Light some dro to get high
    And forgot about the knocking, so I
    Went and got a glass of some water to
    Calm the cotton mouth I have, damn, I got a buzz
    Started to get dressed, then another knock
    Glanced at the clock and thought, “It’s the fucking cops!
    They must a watched me on surveillance,”
    Calm myself down, then heard a banging
    I’m certain Satan is the one knocking
    Picked up a gat, and had the gun cocked when
    I touched knobs and turned to open the door (doe)
    Then heard my heart pacing like a rotary phone
    The chrome I was holding hit the floor when I opened
    The door and stood frozen as Satan just strolled in
    I’m totally stoned and brain dead as vegetables
    Looked him in the eye and said, “I been expecting you.
    You’re a little late,” and then he interrupted
    And said, “It’s time to go.” I said, “Ah, fuck, shit
    Cunt, bitch - I got so much to live for!
    This big dorm I live in, AND a six-four.”
    He said, “For these reasons, now you must leave;
    You eat too much, you drink, you puff trees,
    You touch green and buy nothing of value.
    You just blow it all on drugs and valium.
    You fuck without using rubbers or condoms,
    You’re chunky and got a damn gluttony problem.
    Countries are starving, you ain’t gave a cent
    And when’s the last time you fucking paid the rent? (30)
    You may detest me, but I’m making sense
    You’re coming with me, to your grave with Death
    He’s waiting, vexed, feeling angst, I bet
    In the ‘Cedes Benz outside, blazing sess.”
    “If I may contest,” I said, taking breaths,
    “I’m a stay and rest here and go make my bed.
    To maybe get a few hours of sleep
    Cuz ain’t nobody leaving flowers for me.”
    He glowered and seen my damn gat on the floor
    He charged at me like bulls do matadors
    Had it in for me, I ducked and dodged
    Grabbed him by the horns, “These tusks are sharp!”
    He bucked and got me off of his back
    I said, “Bring it, you God Damned sodomist fag!”
    He charged at me faster than I thought he would
    He got me good, I dropped, he stood
    He talked, I couldn’t really hear his voice
    He said, “What made you think you could take me, boy?
    You crazy, spoiled LITTLE BITCH, what now?”
    His horns were sharper than the lid Kung Lao (50)
    Wears - “Now where are you gonna take me, Lu’?”
    He said, “Maybe to a place where snakes are loose
    To make you choose between life and death.”
    I said, “Fuck that, just take my life instead.”

    vote fair, peeps...
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  7. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Reckless Dreaming

    I Picked #1...




    On this beach I’m sitting in front of an open flame burning love letters to God. We came from the ash so my actions shouldn’t seem so odd. Misery is my companion and loneliness my guide. They take turns leaning on me for comfort, so close I almost died. There are no such things as individuality and personal space in this chasm. Those would be luxuries I can no longer afford, like a virgins first orgasm.

    Misery speaks first trying to make me feel sorry for its condition. Saying things like, “this is life and death is my rendition.” Loneliness steadily misdirecting me to wherever the lost go. It’s telling me to hold onto my memories so that’s all I’ll ever know. You can tell me whatever you want if it will make you feel better. Like a smoke signal to the heavens, there goes another letter.

    I try not to read the letters as I exile them to fire. Mere glimpses of the words on the pages fill my soul with ire. It’s like a hit of cocaine, raw and uncut. I feel it all the way through my body as my heart valves open and shut. It’s pumping to exceedingly drive it through my system in a cycle of haze. A familiar word catches my eye before the paper sets ablaze.

    It’s something that so many take for granted yet never truly have anyway. Well at least where I come from people wake up and go to sleep to it every day. I’m here burning these letters trying to reach divine sovereignty. But in this state alone I’ve realized my mental poverty. Thinking of it sends chills through my spine. Many more burned memories left to go, but Freedom won’t just be a word this time.

    As the flame crackles and licks at the letter in my hand, I smile. Burning away memories one at a time takes too long so I grab the whole pile. This world is my prison, and I’m on the verge of escape. Misery penetrates me deeply and loneliness joins in the rape. I let out a shriek that even the devil could hear. Convulsing towards the ground in a midsummer’s night dream like Shakespeare.

    It’ helpless to believe, because it doesn’t matter how many lines of faith I take through the nose. I could take my eyes out of the sockets and the color of the world would still be rose. I am a fugitive in this man made world made for man. Hate and malice arrive to stick in me wherever they can. There are no longer footprints because I lay face first in the sand. I’m going under and I don’t bother to reprimand.

    It must be that I am imprisoned by the world I try to flee. The fire is this gun and escape is the bullet to release me. Misery is definitely truth, but the rest are drugs I’ve tried. Like being on ecstasy, crack, and methamphetamines all at once I thought I would have died. Apparently I am supposed to still be here because I tried to die. Begging to go home, the memories slip away as I hear Gods Aramaic lullaby.

    In my final moment I take a leap into the fire. Everything flashes from newborn boy to for hire. The heat makes my body kick, fight, and thrash. But in the moments to come, I’ll be returning to the ash. Then as if it heard my thoughts, my body gave into the flame. As my dust settled, I was restored from whence I came.
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  8. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    I'll vote when I get back home, I'm on break now and I gotta go back to work in like 5 minutes...
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  9. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    O i likes both...good match here
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  10. Both good pieces, sporadics, had good content and was kinda funny in places with the gluttony part, and also the way the devil scorned the guy for not wearing condoms, as if the devil would care about protected sex! I liked the slant he put on it..I would have to say I liked Xeros a lot, The whole burning love letters to God, and the pictures were vivid of the fire and finally walking into them, and the way it was set up like a written letter, it was well put together, and he came at being imprisoned from a different angle..

    Vote XERO
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  11. quotive

    quotive 3

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    Sporadic, just my type.

    Xero's was good, but my vote is Sporadic.
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  12. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    I have to go with Xero's on this. His format and language was just extremely captivating. He put so much creativity into this piece. Sporadic...I didn't like the borrowed intro but you came and vindicated yourself! It was a hot drop and entertaining..but overall I felt Xero's more!
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  13. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Aight, I aint hatin, but you lost a few points with me for bitin on Biggie. It's not because of the tourney though, because I'd say that bout anybody anywhere, any time. But, your piece had me laughin, also it was entertaining.

    "Countries are starving, you ain’t gave a cent
    And when’s the last time you fucking paid the rent? (30)
    You may detest me, but I’m making sense"

    I liked that part right there a lot, because it reminds me of another poet I know who doesn't do too much of anything with his life other than waiste it on his own glutteny...But you could have come a little bit more original than that...but I'll give the vote a thought and be back...
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  14. DIVINITY FLOWZ

    DIVINITY FLOWZ New Member

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    yeah... that be considered swayin votes... but he lost respect from me for biting biggie too

    plus it didn't flow as well... I know this is poetry and poetical talent is interpreted on different levels... but still I wasn't feelin Sporadic that much... and the story was just less interesting...

    Xero was really poetical and emotion was felt with that.... I enjoyed reading it alot more

    Vote: Xero
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  15. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    my bad... I'm dark nebula...

    so that's my vote up there for Xero
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  16. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    really sporadics verse was really good....
    it was more of a rhyme than anything though....

    xero's daydreaming thoughts is what took this battle though

    This world is my prison, and I’m on the verge of escape. Misery penetrates me deeply and loneliness joins in the rape. I let out a shriek that even the devil could hear. Convulsing towards the ground in a midsummer’s night dream like Shakespeare.


    that was my favorite part....
    "misery penetrates me deeply and lonlieness joins in the rape"

    man,i doubt i could ever express feeling like a prisoner in the world any better.
    vote-Xero
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  17. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    DUDE - OBVIOUSLY I meant to use that Biggie shit to start it off, and besides, I fuckin didn't bite it - I paraphrased - this shit goes to that Warning beat...anyways - fuck all ya'll haters..duece trey like MJ
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  18. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    Xero - good shit dog, really, I was liking some parts - BUT - how does this fit the topic?? 1. You escape from prison. Where do you run to? I mean, I guess it could, but I think you may have had this one just laying around and decided to post it. Either way, fuck it - good shit mayng, keep doin ya thing...peaces bitches
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  19. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Nah man, I aint have this just layin around, I typed this out over the time lpoet asked me to enter. But when i said bitin off of biggie, I meant it as paraphrasin, not bitin. But anyhow, I liked ya piece, but your attitude towards everything is a downer...I aint even gonna vote though, not between us, regardless of how much it costs me...Anyway, your piece is hott, the whole reference to MK at the end was a nice touch cause I love that game...
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  20. quotive

    quotive 3

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    I don't see how rhyming can't be classified as poetry. It has a story behind its, its poetry. He flipped some Biggie, but somehow you don't give him his respect? I mean damn, you can't rhyme in poetry? I guess I have to stop now. lol.
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