(NASTY CHECK)[Week 44] [Championship] C. Dicnyaeye(7-0) vs 2. ShadowWarriorfs(22-16)

Discussion in 'The Rapmusic Storytelling/Topical League' started by T.a.C, Feb 1, 2010.

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  1. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    [​IMG]

    VERSES

    VERSUS DUE: Every Friday @ 11:59 PM EST
    LINE LIMIT: Minimum of 16 lines, Maximum of 64
    ** NO RECYCLING, NO EXCEPTIONS **
    •Recycling is the equivalent to that of a no-show and will be treated as such, thus resulting in a loss in favor of the participant whom chose to recycle and a win in favor of his/her opponent
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    •If granted, the extension will override deadline for both participants extending it for no more than 24 hours
    •CHECK-INS are encouraged, but not required
    •Verses MUST incorporate AT LEAST 1 of the provided topics or pictures
    •A failure to show will result in a loss and a sign out by default
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    VOTING


    VOTES DUE: Every Sunday @ 11:59 PM EST

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    •EACH link NOT POSTED will result in a 1 vote DEDUCTION
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    Any changes must be agreed upon by both participants and cleared by a moderator

    MODERATORS ARE LAW OF THE LAND
    AIM NAMES
    NASTY- LyRiKaLxLoRd
    T.a.C- thedude8125
    ShadowWarriorfs- ShadowWarriorfs
    test
  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    test
  3. DiC GeTs GuLLy

    DiC GeTs GuLLy Hello

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2005
    Messages:
    2,962
    no GL acronyms please....
    goodluck tho... i'm ready when u r...........
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689


    The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
    Alan Kay

    Destiny III
    The Final Chapter: The Epiphany


    I became speechless as chills ravage the necks
    With weakness, sweat spills rapidly and collects
    Thrills savagely, finger caressing my lips softly
    As his breath tastes like sips of coffee
    He remained frozen, voice silent yet potent
    Eyes vibrant with his mouth wide open
    He had spoken to me with a tender kiss
    To render me this moment and surrender me bliss
    Waiting for him to answer I become nervous
    Emotions now a circus, but what was his purpose?
    Beginning to feel worthless, he begins to speak
    Heat leaks from my pores, traveling down my cheek


    Your beauty would always coruscate
    Thinking that love would have more to make
    Afraid that my body would fornicate
    I revert, hoping my soul had not felt denied
    Shielding off love, heart now petrified
    Every image weakens my anima
    Legs shiver, energy stripped of its stamina
    “Was this love?” I wondered repetitively
    My heart and soul beats competitively
    In your absence, my mind dreams of you
    Abstinence now screams for you
    Depression became the spouse I reserved
    As I thought you were more than I deserved
    But I felt lonely in the presence of another
    Still wanting you more than any other
    When we finally kissed, nothing else existed
    Your eyes persisted as my lips could not resist it
    I can’t imagine my life without your breath
    I’ll continue to think of you, even when I sleep in death


    I smiled with enthusiasm at his poetic words
    Blood full of life like the song of kinetic birds
    In the beginning, I didn’t know how he would act
    So I gave him hint, watching how he would react
    Molding him into someone I could love
    Controlling him with strings dangling from above
    As I move in closer, his body now consented
    “The best way to predict the future, is to invent it”
    test
  5. Dicnyaeye

    Dicnyaeye N CuM oN Ya BrAiN

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2006
    Messages:
    251
    ~ Main Topic ~
    Religious Circus

    I give thanks for my blessings, but won’t make dates for confessions
    Yet, I do make some arrangements to give praise in church sessions
    This day seemed perfected as I’m leaving the house
    Put on my pin strip suit, smoke some weed and I’m out
    I’m not extremely devout, still there learning the rules
    But I’m for certain confused when 3 women emerge with no shoes
    I patiently watch, they run to the church like escaping from cops
    And grab some dude: two of them punch him in his face so I’m shocked
    They’re all dressed nicely with one exception, the shoes of course
    In a house of God, plotting shots to fuel a war
    Security comes, but by then… the guy looks like a furious bum
    And the women are delirious drunks, skidding while steering their truck
    So this is wassup? I can’t judge… so I laugh at these bitches
    But then I close my eyes, bask in God’s wisdom and ask for forgiveness
    I’m trying to get right with the Lord and let my life be absorbed
    Bu his accord….
    even trying to not like so much porn
    Those reflections that day caused me to exit the place
    And return for worship in evening service, re-scheduled for 8pm


    Middle Topic:
    Everybody likes to go their own way--to choose their own time and manner of devotion.
    Jane Austen (1775 - 1817), Mansfield Park


    When I return, my eyes are burned by all the tight, shiny skirts
    With guys and girls trying to flirt…… hold up!!!! Am I at a church?
    Seeing Jesus over the steeple so I just flow with the people
    And go to my seat slow; seeing enough cleavage to open a peep show
    I stop myself from glancing at fire with steps dance to the choir
    Then some couples in front of me wants their romances admired
    I’m thinking… “the holy ghost can explain all that I’m seeing
    They’re just being filled with spirit from the causes they’re feeling”
    But nah…. It’s revealed then with some squeezes of ass
    And an intimate closeness like they need a cold bath
    Now they’re getting explosive with some kisses performed
    Even though I have basic cable, I’m viewing Cinemax porn
    So I just giggle with force as if they gave me permission
    Could of enjoyed all of this before behaving as Christian
    But wait, did I mention the Set It Off girls returned to the scene
    Working some jeans
    and stunna shades to camouflage these dirt causing queens
    In my past, I’d be first to agree that they deserved to be beat
    But now I’m more for passivism and turning the cheek
    The pastor came out and everyone stands relaxed, then sits down
    He captures the crowd; holy ghost dancing and clapping’s the sounds
    Reactions are loud…. But none of that matters somehow
    It’s rationale now….. and even the thug chics seem rather devout
    A sermon of peace to let all of us work through our grief
    From an X biker turned reverend to furnish the streets
    With an urgent release of orgasmic hallaluahs to service these freaks
    I turn and I see the guy from earlier looking to further the beef
    He throws it reverse as he sees guards shaking heads no
    And making some slow motions towards him before he makes like a ghost
    But he’s taking his post right on the corner to state his approach
    Which’s murder as he pulls a .380, blazing til faces explode
    Satan has rose…
    none of these “Christians” have forsaken his soul
    Crazy, I know…
    but without evil, church congregations are low
    It’s all population control
    for the sin revenge getting embracement by most
    Leading a path straight to hell with blood paving the roads


    Ending Topic:
    The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself.
    Sir Richard Francis Burton (1821 - 1890)
    test
  6. oNeiRiC

    oNeiRiC Souled In

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2006
    Messages:
    383
    i dont really feel like voting since im not signed in..

    but shadow i liked your verse, the beginning was something new skill wise i havent seen from u, and the ending was closer to your usual easy reading story style i like, the middle, cool color, but i can only guess that perhaps your attempt at rhyming in this way made the depth lack here, id say, try to do it like udid at the beginning, but when in doubt, revert to the easy story telling u are awesome at

    Dic this seems like an intruiging and fun plot verse, i read the first half and i realy just want to go play rogue spear.. but i will say the rhyming was fresh, and different but complimentary to shadows verse making it enjoyable to read, the depth seemed to be there, but since u went the casual "oh shit" tone and route, this would have been hard to vote on since the verses are kinda opposite in my opinion
    test
  7. S. Issue

    S. Issue Who?

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2002
    Messages:
    908
    Shadow: I definitely felt like the middle section was choppy and caused some problems for me moving through the piece. I think using a different scheme to try to bring out a difference in voice is interesting, and perhaps thats what you were attempting, but it just didn't work out for you here. It really hindered this already short piece by stuttering in that middle part. The flow of the first really brought me into the story though. I was with it until those first couple lines of part two, in which case I caught it again near the end of the second verse. The change is tough, but I think it can still be worked out effectively. I just felt that this didn't go deep enough, didn't push into what you were trying to get at.

    Dic: This piece is pretty standard stuff from you. Good flow, interesting topic, but I might have to agree with the above sentiment that the tone was odd. It almost felt like you were between two voices. The higher, educated diction and the lower, less-refined. I get that dichotomy and how it works in the piece, but I'm troubled by it because it makes some problems for my understanding of the character. Perhaps if the speaker talks in the less-refined and makes some obvious attempts to talk up to a certain level it would have been better at giving me that feeling, but it just didn't. That was really my only problem with this. I was with the piece and the movement is good. It keeps going and works itself out, which is what I felt Shadow lacked.

    VOTE: Dic
    test
  8. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2004
    Messages:
    60,689
    I have no idea who oNe voted for sooooo yea...i'll leave this for Nasty to decide since i'm in this match

    so far...Dic win 1-0 (not counting) One's vote yet

    after deductions Shadow would win -1 to 0...but i'll hold off on this til Nasty says
    test
  9. T.a.C

    T.a.C Guest

    •Voting is open to PARTICIPANTS, RSTL MODERATORS, and PAST CHAMPIONS ONLY!!!

    doesnt count
    test
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