my way or the high way

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by SIZZLA, Apr 10, 2011.

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  1. SIZZLA

    SIZZLA New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 1999
    Messages:
    7,907
    yo, its all phucked up!
    sat at the table
    cross from the Devil
    liquor stains cain drains
    and alls well with thee.

    i flip bricks of hay
    turning straw to stone.
    from head to the ground
    she is chaotic
    grown, gone, all alone

    and im missing her.

    she is my sun shine
    illuminated
    shinning like a star.

    im all caught up man
    jodeci pheenin.
    my baby is gone
    satan is having...

    his way.
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    I like this, but I could not help thinking the arrangment was off...

    yo, its all phucked up!
    sat at the table
    cross from the Devil
    liquor stains cain drains
    and alls well with thee.

    i flip bricks of hay
    turning straw to stone.
    from head to the ground
    she is chaotic
    grown, gone, all alone

    she is my sun shine
    illuminated
    shinning like a star.

    im all caught man
    jodeci pheenin.
    my baby is gone
    satan is having...his way.

    and im missing her.




    Either way, I liked it man. Keep it up
    test
  3. Carpe Noctem

    Carpe Noctem Neos Helios

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 1999
    Messages:
    5,202
    test
  4. SIZZLA

    SIZZLA New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 1999
    Messages:
    7,907
    well, its all symbolic. five sylillables... 90 in all. she was born in 1985, so, she was five in 90. we were married for five years... 5-5-3-4-1 = 9 both fives, the 3, 4 and 1 all have their own meaning and while it may not seem, the poem is about my daughter... havent seen her in 9 months... since she was three years old. satan is only opposition. this was all key styled. i was jus trying to see how a few different things would work. i wanted to see if i could take street slang and use it as a metaphore for expressing a diffent subject matter even as i like to do with old english, the kings english, and other language forms. i could have written it with a 4 4 4 line, 8-6-8-6 syllibles and jus made it ryme... but, thats too easy. while i would not publish this, its a good excercize and i enjoyed it.
    test
  5. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2003
    Messages:
    614
    "i flip bricks of hay
    turning straw to stone."

    good shit homie
    test
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