My Self Confession... A Deep and Personal Potrait (Insight Into Hez Bolton)

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Johnnie French, Jan 26, 2005.

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  1. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    Understand that I'm just talking. I don't even know if this is a poem. I don't need your sympathy and I don't know if you have the same empathy... just understand this is part of who I am.




    First I want you all to understand these are my words
    No alias, this isn't a picture being painted
    No metaphors, nothing trying to make it pretty
    Understand when I get down it's deep
    I usually have up's all the time but my downs are deep
    I have tears that I can't spill
    I feel the pressure on my mind, the numbness in my face
    The muscles in my face feel tired and fatigued
    My shoulders slump and hang low
    Eyes lost, ribs sore and back weak
    I hear a lot of stories
    I have a lot of tears of others soaked up in my mind
    Through my ears and my eyes
    I have the weight of the many balancing on me
    I take the rants and the raves
    I soothe those that are disrupted
    I calm those who are nervous
    I do all that I can without breaking my back or neck
    So when I have downs I have my tears
    I struggle, I have many avenues and outlets
    I have trustworthy people, and friends I can count on
    I have a good family that would listen intently and help
    I can get the hugs, daps and handshakes I need
    Still I don't
    I can't bring myself to the ears of others or their door
    I can bring some of it but not all of it
    What really aches are my problems which become my weight
    While I deal with my world I struggle some days
    I know they are far and not very often but when they hit
    They hurt, no I'm not bi-polar, I'm not depressed
    I'm a man with problems bottled up and with no one to release
    I hear a lot of problems understand that,
    This man Hezekiah Bolton has his own problems
    And I can't bring myself to open up and share
    Release sometimes much needed tears
    So here are my words, no poetic imagery
    Nothing fancy, nothing spectacular
    You can understand me a lil better I can open up
    To much fear, pain, frustration and pride
    So on days like today I sit here aching physically and mentally
    Don't be sorry for me I don't need it
    I don't want you to ask to help me
    As you read this understand me a little better
    Give me the chances you give others and be understanding
    These are my words... this is my life... through my mind and my eyes
    *sigh* And I still hurt... *shrug* oh well... let me sit in my cave
    And think about the light... I'll be back to normal just need time
    test
  2. TrueEmcee

    TrueEmcee Run.

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    yo, i liked the peice... alot.
    very deep, im feeling it.


    i'm guessing.. your physical fatigue may be due to your weight. and mentally it COULD hurt you if you didn't like being big, but there's nothing wrong with that

    anyway,

    you seem very laid back in the peice, very understanding of the situation and speaking in a very easy tone where you're not panicing, you know what's up.
    personally, you dont want me to ask you if you want help, soo ill give you it! suck in your pride sometimes, and go to someone for a hug man, itll make you feel better
    be happy hez, stay up, you got the family and friends - that's all you need - just be content wit yaself (you may already be)
    it was you speaking, but i consider it a poem. tight stuff
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  3. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    I appreciate the insight, thanks man. I know you're right too.
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  4. badassyella

    badassyella New Member

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    very deep...
    I feel that way sometimes...

    I liked the way you expressed yourself though....Nice piece ;o)
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  5. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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  6. Philly_215

    Philly_215 The Silent Poet

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    Mr. French,

    i have heard alot about you. and i must say you don't diss-a-point nice way to express your self. and now that sometimes you just got to let it out fam we all have to from time to time

    peace stay up fam.

    ps.

    E-A-G-L-E-S yeah lets go eagles SUPER BOWL
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  7. Madnick

    Madnick Modern Laureate

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    This was good johnny... I liked how this wasnt some abstracted with metapors and inner rhymes schemes and everything... I like this is showed alot of saddness in a way but i also saw alot of anger... You expressed both feelings very well and
    I enjoyed read this piece...
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  8. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    i really appreciate that you wrote this for yourself. Not that you said you did in the poem with elements such as "First I want you all to understand these are my words
    No alias, this isn't a picture being painted
    No metaphors, nothing trying to make it pretty"

    "I have trustworthy people, and friends I can count on
    I have a good family that would listen intently and help
    I can get the hugs, daps and handshakes I need
    Still I don't"

    "Don't be sorry for me I don't need it
    I don't want you to ask to help me"

    but, because I actually believe you.

    "As you read this understand me a little better"
    ^even with a line like this, I feel it was written for you. I have written this kind of thing before. Its when I don't know what to do. its when I am a mess and I dont have time to disguise emotions as metephors, its all about the first word. The purest of my words. And they come out as messy as I feel and its beautiful because its honest.

    no shame no blame.


    "What really aches are my problems which become my weight
    While I deal with my world I struggle some days"

    I real love this these lines and once again I suspect it is you talking to yourself. YOu are relying on yourself for your own insight and feedback and telling the rest of the realm (with out saying it) this isnt fucking about any of you! I dont need your feedback because this poem was my feeedback for myself.

    good thinking! expectations are dropping. Poets are vanishing and I dread its for the same reason... the "heybro" lacks of talent are the ones controlling this place. this is refreshing jonnie. Some poets either do a good job trying, of just try to hard. You just did what you do, and as a result it became effective. You didnt have to try, you just had to be.

    I appreciate you sharing the read.

    ashes
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  9. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    Word, thanks. I finally re read it again and it was nice. I think it helps express myself I had time to think about it cause I was on my way home and I kept thinking of stuff to put in. Thanks ya'll
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  10. Serson Person

    Serson Person SP

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    Dude that's deep, it's like I was reading about me. I'm a bottle and cap personality, and after 18 years of doing it I finally exploded and smashed a bunch of picture frames in my Mom's house and, well I'm not going to bore you with the story, but after all the build up, it felt good to release. I never thought there were people there to listen to my problems, my feelings, and that I was just here to accept theres. It's not true, people are willing to listen. They just gotta know you've got things you wanna say. And always know that when there is nothing left, there's us :smile: There's poems, there's writing. Writing is a powerful tool, I started letting my bottled up anger and sadness out onto paper or into text in Notepad. Whatever it gets out on, that's less that you have to keep boiled up inside you.

    Plus you live in Vancouver, damn. I can't wait to move there, they've got the Canucks!

    Deep stuff dude, I really liked it probably because I can relate so much. It was awesome. Check out my "God Grant Me Wings" one if you want to see basically how I've somewhat summed my feelings up.
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  11. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    Word appreciate it, I will read it ALSO I live in Vancouver, WA/Portland, OR haha not in BC with the Canucks!
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  12. ekwipt

    ekwipt I Just Wanna Fuck Bitches

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    sounds like a vent.... a little bit poetic but nicely done....you could prolly get some pills for that shit your feeling too..
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  13. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    hahahahahahah
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  14. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    woooord up

    so this is that poem describing you....your real name and the real you....man oh man I dont even know where to start on this one....just a great poem....like you gave us a glimps of the real you....just a teaser....you painted the image in the picture frame of your face and personality with your words....at times it was very poetic and mystical even though you werent trying to be....lol....I enjoyed it alot...and can relate with it....the weigh of tears that never spill....thats deep man...deep like down...haha...yeah this poem inspired me...ahhh personal potrait....tight...just got your title

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
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  15. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    Dang I promise all yall have better names than me.
    I feel you on this one though. Gotta be confession number one, that's written. I don't know, I'm trying to get into the habit of keeping a journal right now because when I can't write poetry it just seems weird I'm not writing what's going on in my life and in life.

    "wo wo wo, yea yea yea they say a man ain't supposed to cry...
    talkin bout
    no no no, fa sho sho sho even a man goes through problems sometimes..."
    --a song by Lyfe, made me think about it. One of my favorites you can just vibe to. But anyway, keep writing b/c all things are worth penning.
    -Much Love
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  16. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    Word, thanks again and RealMS ya name is just fine.
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  17. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    I'm going to throw this up again just cause I'm proud of it.
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  18. akqrate

    akqrate Ear-candy

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    whoa bro. no point trying to even find faults with this piece, if i did that would be a fault in myself. the truth and realisation of this truth is evaluation enough. all i can say is that u deserve the best.
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  19. Johnnie French

    Johnnie French Voodooradio.podomatic.com

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    *claps hands and bows* thank you kind one.
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  20. Pent uP

    Pent uP I'd Like to Fight Ten Men

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    i Feel u 100%

    This was Dope Duke....Let it out, u know....Good shittles
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