My rhymes are design to uplift plans and withstand the criticism

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by bagglad, Apr 10, 2013.

  1. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    749
    My rhymes are design to uplift plans and withstand the criticism
    With witty rhythm, try fighting and ready to reply in writing wisdom
    Is the key a dancer by profession and answer questions the cataclysm
    Grows, style great can’t retaliate have mild fate and usually I smile
    While on a date expecting a pile of cake my history stays on file
    Girls who live near the club fear hugs from boys may lead to sex
    And the keys to the Lex maybe in jeopardy the breed is complex
    And this soft bling is inherited from my offspring fine and magnificent
    From nine different types which brings the fury of jewelry a gift sent
    No more silly rap have the ability to adapt lyrically legit and
    Physically fit enough to survive talk stuff and jive with a plan
    Comes to rhymes reject a variety the aspects of society stand
    And be counted, get mean looks I’m in between books with
    Knowledge, damn suspicious how I’m ambitious a rare gift
    Life to bitter to see considered to be rapper with chapters swift
    By my girl, look my attempt to try simplify as much as possible
    And search for the gospel to success which in my holy fossil
    Comes to contest I’m bless because I win with quotes and don’t
    Offend folks but then be choked by critics, what do they want?
    Have scrimmages with words and see images of verbs, dominate
    The whack as rhymes accommodate facts like never hesitate
    To migrate now on a ranch with a path of static rest of my fate
    Is a branch of mathematics rhyme is art my mind smart to master
    This disaster in grammar I’m after the glamor just to plaster
    It on halls of fame and not on walls of shame, have great collisions
    And have to make decision based on experience and use precision
    To do this, I’ve had it with my crew taking a systematic view on
    Who gonna step down no help for clowns have to be true and strong
    Should get a standing ovation for planning a location other than here
    Got as can of beer sip with my lips it’s a bud light a thug being sincere
    Local mobsters become moral philosophers ethics look good I’m shook
    In the hood as ghetto books are misunderstood feel like MEL BROOKS
    I’m on BLAZING SADDLES while in amazing battles
    test
  2. HAS Productions

    HAS Productions Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2013
    Messages:
    94
    it might be a better audio than text, my style is choppy but this is really choppy with incomplete sentences. I don't think its a bad direction but could be refined a bit. It's poetry though, I dig it.
    test
  3. Split Eight

    Split Eight evilest of 9's

    Joined:
    Oct 1, 2012
    Messages:
    45
    Jesus fucking christ, you are fucking awful. Not only the worst textcee on this forum, but on any forum to have ever existed or ever will exist, unless god forbid you reproduce. I am not convinced you are not a spambot. Perhaps you are a vegetable who is given a laptop before the feeding tube is replaced, and for one glorious hour it is you, your one movable finger, and autocorrect going to fucking town


    This piece

    1) Makes literally zero sense. All of it. Not a single phrase makes the slightest conceivable bit of sense.
    2) Doesn't rhyme whatsoever. You line up about fifty exact rhymes and just read them off. No multis. Mostly terrible, mismatched slants. I didn't enjoy any of this, not one bit.
    3) Doesn't make sense when you look behind the rhymes. It appears that you are not trying to say anything at all, which makes me more concerned about how god-fucking-awful the rhyming is. Does this sound nice to you? Does it?
    4) Is hands down, the worst thing I have ever read.


    How many months, bagglad. HOW MANY? Since I started at least, in October. I am now 1,000,000X better than you.

    STOP. WRITING. It's not for you. Pick up needlepoint. Jerk yourself off into a coma. Play with forks and electrical outlets. You will never be good at this. Cut off your fucking hands.

    This is a cry for help, bagglad. Every time you write a verse, a kitten gets multiple sclerosis and an angel gets anally raped. Your rhymes are sinful. You are the genetic pinnacle of terrible writing. All of human failure has culminated in the writer that is you. You are a shitsmith of poorly chosen syllables. Please stop. I'm considering paying you to never write again.


    In fact, would you like to pink slip Topical battle me? Loser never posts on RM, ever again. Ever. No other accounts, no coming back in two years, permanently banished. I'll let you pick the topic and number of lines. Please, bagglad. Do it for the children.


    God have mercy on your forsaken, withered soul
    test
  4. Dopest101

    Dopest101 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2013
    Messages:
    69
    test
  5. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    749
    SPLIT EIGHT you’re a legit fake with 47 posts
    Can’t holler script yet wanna a scholarship boasts
    About your rhymes yet to see one you kinda dumb
    My rhymes have style in it but you run your mouth
    A mile a minute and say not one thing a Mickey Mouse
    Random you here should abandon your career clown
    I got a tight team but your light don’t gleam your town
    I deal with strife and real life imitates art I eliminates
    Farts like you, this fool sprinkle lies got many snakes
    In your grass wear wrinkle disguise don’t twinkle in
    My eyes, where your rhymes at fool? Drop one begin
    Why do this odd lame call god’s name in vain? Can’t win
    Because now-a-days you somehow sways to stupidity
    test
  6. ErikForeman

    ErikForeman Yung Fred Flint

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2009
    Messages:
    17,595
    "witty rhythm"

    Obvious troll because this is horrible
    test
  7. low74

    low74 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2002
    Messages:
    159
    I didnt understand alot of it but there is a very unique rhyme scheme to this

    I think u should just take ur time and work on making sense
    test

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