My Outlook....

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Pathologist Patriarch, Jun 19, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Pathologist Patriarch

    Pathologist Patriarch New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2001
    Messages:
    5,818
    This is the first time i have written and not rhymed. an experiment

    Incomplete thoughts, my outlook on life so blurred-
    I sit in my living room, eyes glued to the glass, wondering-
    Why it is people judge without taking time to examine inner qualities-
    Its different for me, because for the strangest of reasons, I cant be sad-
    I look at life like laugh now cry never, thats not the cases for many others-
    As i sit back and let my mind wonder i realize that not all are without pain-
    Many sit, heart torn apart, not knowing which direction to choose, and who's there to comfort-
    Thoughts like this, rip and churn the inside of me, that was before a stranger to tears-
    I have now become close with very few, only those that i can instill all my trust within-
    I try and distance myself from those whos negative qualities only seem to pull me under with them-
    Life is something thats more complicated then i can express with words-
    Life is a puzzle i am yet to conclude-
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    "Why it is people judge without taking time to examine inner qualities-"

    A question many want to know, such as me. Yet, it's very hypocritical, as well, because I judge people at times too fast and I'm sure you had done that before, also. It's truth, though.. Other than that, I personally like the whole idea of skipping rhyme scheme and heading straight to the questions and feelings that you need to get out at that point. Many feel Poetry means to rhyme, how about they try open mic text drops in the other sections of RapMusic.com or anywhere else, because not all Poetry needs to rhyme. This piece was solid and straight forward, very nice feel, it was very real, indeed. Doesn't need to be slept on, neither! My blessings..
    test
  3. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    this was pretty nice..i was feeling this. in a lot of ways i could relate but there was some ways i couldn't...it was just an interesting perspective for me to listen too. good job.
    test
  4. Kareem

    Kareem Still Ballin

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2003
    Messages:
    2,935
    test
  5. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    ^fuck this cat...this shit was dope...i like stuff that doesnt rhyme...this was really raw...kinda seemed like a vent to me....nice poem for me to start off with early this morn
    test
  6. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    Yeah, had a certain amount of simplicity to it. Without completely shading the subject matter.

    I felt it didn't flow (no, i don't necessarily mean rhyme, but the way it just goes, word for word, line for line.) wasn't as good as it could've been. Though i see what you were trying to do with it, yoiu know, putting it forward in a blunt manner..

    ..i dug it though, fo shizzle i did ma nizzle...most definetly and indubidbly(sp)...(!)...

    ..resp..
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)