My Life

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by L-M-INT, Jun 6, 2003.

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  1. L-M-INT

    L-M-INT New Member

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    its funny how much my life is a mistake
    everything i do always ends up me hatin me
    no matter what i do i do wrong and my dad tellin me he hates me
    fuck my life you can have it
    i feel like like my angel threw its wings down and said these u can have them..
    my life has no purpose that im yet to find
    what is a lifes meaning when you gave up on everything tahts ur kind
    my mind is the only strength i have left
    cuz mental is always stronger than the physicall when u take ur last breath
    through my entries that i decide to post
    the people that will read them will come closer to close
    on who i am and why i chose to live the life i choke.
    On as i talk upon as if it was a drug
    i laugh at my imagination and how i became a thug
    from slanging on the streets for a measily buck
    to defining who i am not giving a fuck
    where i will end up in heaven or hell
    like i say all the time im already trapped in a cell in hell
    what cant get wors the livin the life already on nails
    i used to look up to jesus christ for advise
    but who i was died before i even thought about my meaning of life
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
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    12,678
    not bad again

    i felt as if you could have chose your words a lil better in this piece.....but this was nice....got a lil choppy for me here and there...def see room for improvement in your pieces....stick around here a while...would love to see more

    upin for ya
    test
  3. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

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    Jun 3, 2003
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    1,016
    "cuz mental is always stronger than the physicall when u take ur last breath"

    that was the best fuckin line, that's deep. I think the whole thing was great until the end. I didn't understand it, but the rest was the bomb. Stay strong, we all got some fucked up fathers sometimes. ^One
    test
  4. L-M-INT

    L-M-INT New Member

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    thanx peeps......
    test
  5. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

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    I DONT THINK I HAVE READ YOUR WORK BEFORE BUT I FELT THIS FROM START TO FINISH....NICE JOB .....KEEP WRIITIN...


    ~I THINK U HOLDIN OUT.....U GOT SKILLS~
    test
  6. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
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    "i feel like like my angel threw its wings down and said these u can have them.."

    ^^ Decent line you had used there.. I think you need to work on your word choice the most, because it's quite sloppy, as well as some of the other poetic devices, such as rhyme scheme and flow (try elevating that into something more powerful, of that aspect in Poetry). Overall, decent truth, family. My blessings..
    test
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