[ My Indonesian Identity ]

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by DaJackle, Nov 17, 2003.

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  1. DaJackle

    DaJackle ThoughtS ProcessinG

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2003
    Messages:
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    inspired by truff/impulse collab
    ------------------------------------

    [ My Indonesian Identity ]


    i never wondered much about my father
    never asked why he works in the crack of midnight
    or why he would sleep all day till the sun sets

    nor the reason why my mother would scream
    when we run around the house
    playing cops and robbers
    or the game tag

    i never questioned my origin
    the place where i am born much
    where a hole was dug and left
    through all 4 seasons
    that left me cold through the icy chill of winter
    and burnt by the scorching heat of summer

    i would see my mother cooking in the kitchen
    her face greasy from the sizzling oil
    and the smell of herbs, spi ces, and meat
    hit my stomache with a dump-truck for hunger

    i would stare through my hands
    and compare them
    with
    my mother's

    her hands are tiny but the tone of muscles
    show her fights and the wars she had won
    where her veins highway the identity
    for a true Indonesian woman.

    i would stare and wonder
    what it was like to be in a land
    where you walk around barefoot again
    where within the dirt lie glass, rusted nails, and sharp rocks

    remindinng me of the day

    when a broken plate cut my foot in half
    and blood dripped like that first time
    you slit open the throat of a chicken

    or how it was like to once again swim in an ocean
    where my brothers and I would race butt-naked
    for who can reach the tides first.

    We were only 5, and the world was no bigger
    than the island itself with many pieces and parts like
    the puzzle my history has become.

    i could only stare now, for it is all in my past
    my mind is the only movie projector, for
    time has changed since the day i left
    my Indonesian identity
    standing
    at that airport.
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    beautiful beautiful piece....

    u set the whole piece up well...i didnt think u were gonna end it how u did...but thats a good thing..very creativie....nice imagery

    i would see my mother cooking in the kitchen
    her face greasy from the sizzling oil
    and the smell of herbs, spi ces, and meat
    hit my stomache with a dump-truck for hunger

    loved that....very vivid...the aroma is making me hungry..lol..

    good job man....upin for ya
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    wow, cant believe i found this piece near the bottom with only 1 reply. It's a very simple piece, but the meanin and message within it, is deep itself. Great piece

    one luv
    test
  4. Old Soul

    Old Soul Nipple Nibbler

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2001
    Messages:
    27,298
    Yeah, Mind basically summed up my thoughts.

    Beautiful simplicity.
    test
  5. 49th Prophet

    49th Prophet Dark Magic Inferno

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2003
    Messages:
    1,110
    exactly...I thought the imagery was strong in this piece, really really liked this one

    much love

    peace
    test
  6. eatemup

    eatemup New Member

    Joined:
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    2,805
    We were only 5, and the world was no bigger
    than the island itself with many pieces and parts like
    the puzzle my history has become.

    ^^Fav lines very well written nice piece
    test
  7. illpoetical

    illpoetical raising the bar everyday

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2000
    Messages:
    1,533
    this was so beautiful the imagery you used was stellar i felt like i was a little indonesian girl, this was tight

    1ne
    test
  8. DaJackle

    DaJackle ThoughtS ProcessinG

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2003
    Messages:
    498
    thanks everyone for the replies..i just had to try it after reading truff's collab talking about personals, so i try to keep it simple and use personals and is much more closer to me
    test
  9. TrufDXaggerator

    TrufDXaggerator New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 18, 2003
    Messages:
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    Yo First off let me say Im glad me and !mpulse could inspire u to write such a great heart felt piece. U really explained the environments and images very well. You mixed the humor wit the serious and it perfectly blended into a Grade A piece. I honestly cant find anything wrong wit dis piece its very well rounded.
    I Have Nuthin To Lose So I Speak The TRUF
    test
  10. DaJackle

    DaJackle ThoughtS ProcessinG

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    im glad you think so man...its nice to get inspiration from other's writing, get's you away from your comfort zone
    test
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