My first love poem that is not laced with cynicism

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Feme Sole, Jul 26, 2003.

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  1. varentao

    varentao New Member

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    No hate. And i appreciate what it was. But the subject is something that brings mixed emotions.

    Er, sorry, this is a bit of a freepost aint it? I'll stop at that.
    test
  2. disciplestylez

    disciplestylez Broken Soul

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    nice piece....really enjoyed it
    test
  3. shione

    shione New Member

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    Aug 28, 2002
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    nice pieace. liked it. i liked this line(s):

    I know how it feels to be played
    so I will never play you. . .
    I will simply breath life into you
    the way you did to me
    the first time I heard your voice.
    test
  4. iconoclast

    iconoclast Guest

    I like it... alot.
    test
  5. Triple-C

    Triple-C it's about time

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    simply beautiful you have such a way with words... my fave: "I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you."

    thats just amazing and such a eye opener....... LOVE IT AS ALWAYS
    test
  6. ARCHITECT

    ARCHITECT New Member

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    nice content in this piece defintly somethign i can relate too what stuck out in my mind was

    When we touch
    we produce sounds
    that have not been heard since the early days in Eden
    test
  7. Lyme

    Lyme Guest

    Mmmmm I love feeling that way..
    test
  8. Judge tha Dacyple

    Judge tha Dacyple Poetic Papi Emcee Señor

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    Do I know this feeling or what? This was a very nice write and a deep felt read. I especially liked...

    I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you.

    That made me smile, the feeling of a connection that strong is just overbearing at times, but one of, if not THE, greatest feelings ever. Glad I got the chance toi read this.
    test
  9. Resilient.

    Resilient. .. . ..

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    Damn ma', this was very deep. Some strong words in there helped me understand what you are feeling in your piece. You doing very good with the poetry, I'll tell you that.
    .. I don't know how to critique poems, but I'll tell you, this was great.

    -Weez
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  10. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    I can feel this..I am feeling it. ..First love poem not laced with cynicism.... Oh happy day ;)

    Wonderfully written..the words are just right (to me at least)
    test
  11. the.dirtiest

    the.dirtiest inactive

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    Because of you poetry dances around in my veins.
    All day I dream of being alone with you.
    When we touch
    we produce sounds
    that have not been heard since the early days in Eden.

    that is powerful imagery. i thought you said you weren't good at imagery...mayun you're lyin! in the early days of eden God walked with man and spoke with the music of the spheres while creating the world. that is a great meta inside a meta. i hope someone else caught the levels of detail.

    You are always smiling
    and when I see those pearls
    I feel things greater than His 5th. . .and I am silent, I just let the feeling glaze over me.

    this had me buggin the most. the piano's layout does look like a smile...beethoven's 5th symphony was great and also his emperor concerto no. 5 in Eb is the most powerful piano concerto in the entire classical repertoire. great double meta there, maybe you didn't know about the emperor but i thought i'd bring it up too because it fits as well :)

    I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you.

    that's the most important part of a keyboard interpretation, the shades of touch beyond your technique to fill each note with meaning. you spend a lifetime getting it right. i like how you stated something that seems very simple on the outside but has many reverberations on different levels and is almost a mantra.

    I know how it feels to be played
    so I will never play you. . .
    I will simply breath life into you
    the way you did to me
    the first time I heard your voice.

    beautifully said by a true servant of music. music is so personal and only another performer would really understand the bond between a player and their instrument. every player remembers the first time they 'heard' their instrument speak to them and knew they had to play. that is one of the great moments in a person's life :) i like how you summed this up in the next lines...

    My heart was locked 88 times. . .
    but you had the keys.
    Always......

    *hehe* you gave that one away. when i read this line i got the 5th reference even though she actually opened the album with the 'moonlight' sonata no.14 in C# minor. i know onstage she does beethoven's 5th symphony in her intro :) alicia did a bangup job on that album too. mann that girl can play! woohoo! ok back on topic...this is a musician's piece and a music fan's piece, the double meanings are everywhere. great drop suga keep up the good work. if you get too good at this you might have to start ghostwriting for me so ppl will read 'my' stuff too *hint hint*
    test
  12. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    up for soultan
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  13. BlackSoultan Ad Infinitum

    BlackSoultan Ad Infinitum aka Billy Shoreview

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    what can I say that hasn't been said? This is a great poem. I don't think many people got what you were saying but I did :-D
    test
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