My first love poem that is not laced with cynicism

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Feme Sole, Jul 26, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    Because of you poetry dances around in my veins.
    All day I dream of being alone with you.
    When we touch
    we produce sounds
    that have not been heard since the early days in Eden.

    You are always smiling
    and when I see those pearls
    I feel things greater than
    His 5th. . .
    and I am silent,
    I just let the feeling glaze over me.

    I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you.

    I know how it feels to be played
    so I will never play you. . .
    I will simply breath life into you
    the way you did to me
    the first time I heard your voice.

    My heart was locked 88 times. . .
    but you had the keys.
    Always......
    test
  2. Da Klimp

    Da Klimp Ninja Vampire

    Joined:
    May 16, 2001
    Messages:
    5,521
    I recognize this (not the poem but the message of it). I remember when you used to talk to me about stuff like this when I was together with Malin and stuff.

    This brought back some memories. Heh. It's pretty, too.
    test
  3. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    thiw was a nice piece

    glad to see u posting something

    I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you.

    like those lines...

    keep up the good work..
    test
  4. Speedy Gunzalez

    Speedy Gunzalez Awareness is my Alias

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2001
    Messages:
    9,400
    I liked this poem. It was simple yet capturing.

    First one I've seen from you Feme Sole and I hope to see more.

    Nice job : )
    test
  5. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2003
    Messages:
    798
    I know how it feels to be played
    so I will never play you. . .
    I will simply breath life into you
    the way you to me
    the first time I heard your voice.


    liked this peice alot, i like the irony that you 'love' the bad stuff, the sarcasm was good..nice work
    test
  6. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    ummmmmmm okay thanks :)
    test
  7. Sounds nice I'm glad you have love in your heart again. I liked the 88 keys reference it's a well rounded peice ali...
    test
  8. GorillaThugMC

    GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,074
    Great poem!

    I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you.

    I'd say I liked that the best, but it was all great! You are the poet laureate!
    test
  9. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    thanks luv i think youre the only one that got it.......soultan will get it too :)
    test
  10. GorillaThugMC

    GorillaThugMC Minotaur Orator

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2003
    Messages:
    1,074
    Just read this again with my third eye opened.

    Damn! THAT much better!
    test
  11. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    hehe there ya go :)
    test
  12. Cigma

    Cigma Maxwell's Demon

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2002
    Messages:
    12,377
    You witty, witty girl.

    I demand my collaboration, if your muse isn't in, you know you can always borrow mine.

    Good piece, it read like sheet music...*cough*
    test
  13. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    glad to see you back on track again writing stuff. i hope. But anyway this piece was great, you expressed yaself nicely...

    one luv
    test
  14. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    mwhahahahaha GRACI AMORE :) :)

    i knew youd get it.......gosh golly im tore the fuck up



    UP for soultan
    test
  15. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    I'm jealous of anyone else who has touched you
    but please Note that only i can feel you.


    ^^ooo i loved that.

    excellent job. this was beautiful.
    test
  16. Old Soul

    Old Soul Nipple Nibbler

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2001
    Messages:
    27,298
    I got it & I don't play piano. I'm just fuckin smart I guess!

    Anyway, I was skeptical since you wrote without cynicism but you pulled it off well.

    Nice work.
    test
  17. vinous

    vinous New Member

    Joined:
    May 22, 2003
    Messages:
    405
    man, im so glad i read everyone else's replies b4 replyin myself and then read it over once more...otherwise the meanin woulda been lost on me completely, lol.

    ahhh, this was very nice....i was thinkin to myself, now how anyone gonna write bout love without cynicism? i see now.

    I know how it feels to be played
    so I will never play you. . .
    I will simply breath life into you
    the way you did to me
    the first time I heard your voice.

    My heart was locked 88 times. . .
    but you had the keys.
    Always......

    that was my fav part there, no wonder you feel fiona apple's music so much....and i am feelin this piece muchly. pz.
    test
  18. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    Quite simple and raw (without cynicism, though there's many of those around...i guess me not being here for so long i aint been seeing all these cynical love poems...)..

    Anyway, the message was there and stood strong. But at times it just felt too blunt and over elaborate. Over shadowing the poetry in a way. But it had its moments.

    Still, the message was there, and it was a strojg personal piece. But personally didn't like it all that much.

    Maybe it's this horrible cough i have right now, eh?

    ,...resp..

    EDIT: Oh wait, just checked youtr title agian. You said it was YOUR first poem that is not laced with cynicism. I see...
    test
  19. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722

    doesnt surprise me at all......


    thanks for the replies people :)
    test
  20. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

    Joined:
    May 19, 2001
    Messages:
    11,131
    nice poem feme... i liked it alot. really strong message...
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)