My Diary of Dreams.

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by nO gOoD!, Mar 18, 2013.

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  1. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2001
    Messages:
    14,245
    "..As a kid my dreams'll change, as I seem to age,
    But there's no knowledge within a book..
    If you never read the page.."

    My diary of dreams


    Sittin in the kitchen, with my coloring book
    scribbling and whistlin, while my mother - she cooks
    dad heads off to work, I'm always saying goodbye
    I wish I could go with him, instead of baking these pies
    with mom all the time. She's always waiting, she tries
    to keep composed. But it's a lie, I hate when she cries.
    On her face sits a smile, like her bones could sing
    but underneath, she's scared to death..
    as she waits for the phone to ring..

    -------------------------------------------

    everyday the same monotony, probably gotten me sick..
    more than once, made me stop and drop to my knees in a fit..
    my man's on tour of duty, but will he ever truely see,
    my love is pure and beauty's free, no fees, duty free.
    Its true that we pray for him, to arrive and be in peace
    Im feelin safe when he's at home, to sleep with me between the sheets
    Will they ever understand, how humility stuns a man?
    I know life isn't perfect, he aint livin in wonderland.
    but I need to have a plan, he's in trees or in the sand
    he's my soldier and the bottom line is that he's feeding my fam.

    -------------------------------------------

    I dream of a cool breeze through trees, curb appeal.
    thickets with a picket fence, a subtle urban feel.
    my babies playin in the yard. dressed as cops n robbers
    what good is livin life if you never stop to bother
    to smell the roses? Appreciate everyday of your life,
    I'm just an ordinary man who needs a date with his wife,
    family campin trips, planing shit, lacin beats in the basement.
    Skydiving for an adrenaline rush the feelin's amazing.
    I say to the three that I'm raising,
    be good for mom while I'm gone..
    as I'm yanked back to reality,
    from the sound of a bomb.

    --------------------------------------------

    Through the rubble, the Qu'ran sounds over the city
    where the mosques used to stand tall, noble and pretty
    now its cold and its gritty, my land blown to bits
    soldiers walk our city streets, with their drones and ships
    the western world won't destroy, the pride for my people
    I'll remember to spread the word, cause our rivals are evil
    the bible is see through, they don't see I bleed too,
    as I bend down to the ground, I see some paper peek through
    in the hands of the enemy, did he cry did he scream?
    while he wrote his last entry..


    in his...


    diary of dreams..
    test
  2. kyothechemist

    kyothechemist New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2013
    Messages:
    6
    I can feel the tone of the start of the 2nd round, there purpose in the nihl trust me
    test
  3. Exxxxis

    Exxxxis .......................

    Joined:
    Mar 9, 2013
    Messages:
    30
    Is you Muslim?...Anyways,

    "..As a kid my dreams'll change, as I seem to age,
    But there's no knowledge within a book..
    If you never read the page.."

    My diary of dreams


    Sittin in the kitchen, with my coloring book
    scribbling and whistlin, while my mother - she cooks
    dad heads off to work, I'm always saying goodbye
    I wish I could go with him, instead of baking these pies
    with mom all the time. She's always waiting, she tries
    to keep composed. But it's a lie, I hate when she cries.

    ^^Tight opener.

    I liked alot of this but the beginnin' was dope imo...you had great emotion laced thru-out, meaningful lyricism will always get a thumbs up from me...at times your word choices seemed a little odd and the flow was iffy, havin' said that though you delivered some real nice lines everytime after I thought that...there was also some slick imagery in each paragraph, so yeah...the top half was flames...what followed was cool with it man...I enjoyed the read.

    ...Stay uppity.
    test
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