MISSKEYdaQUEEN vs. Anaphora

Discussion in 'Writer's Block' started by lpoet, May 7, 2004.

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  1. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    ...........
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  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pick 1 out of the 5 Topics listed

    1. You escape from prison. Where do you run to?

    2. If you could be a teacher for one day, what would you teach and why?

    3. Your parents are in the next room arguing, suddenly you hear 3 gunshots. What do you do?

    4. You are a flower. Tell us what it feels like to blossom

    5. It's 3:25 a.m. And you awake to somebody beation no your door. When you open it, the devil is standing there. He tells you it's time to go. What do you do?


    Min=16 lines
    Max-64
    No Show=4 lines

    Sign in by wednesday, May 12th! Verses Due Friday, May 14th!

    You must vote!!! It will count against you!!!

    Voting Due Tuesday, May 18th!!!
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  3. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    I'm in!! hahaaaa.....this is gonna be crazy....Anaphora=challenge!! NO DOUBT!
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  4. Anaphora

    Anaphora was here

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    Oh shit, man, the 64 man rstl tourny, this and the rbl with finals coming up... I'm retarded... I'll show though, no doubt about it... just gotta find a style for this. heh
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  5. Anaphora

    Anaphora was here

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    I'm not a fan of these topics... for poetry at least... in the rstl it would be one thing, but for this I think it should just be like a phrase or word, like the old challenge that used to be stickied in the realm.
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  6. Anaphora

    Anaphora was here

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    Blending with the sky

    I ran. I had to.
    The screaming, swearing, bottles breaking.
    The slaps, cries, thuds, and walls shaking.
    The tears cascading,
    drying salty icicle-like on my dusty face,
    the wind doubled from my rushing pace.
    I doubt they heard the screen door shut
    over the screams "whore" and "slut."
    I doubt they heard the cards in my bike spokes
    as I pedalled furiously the night my life broke.

    The sky was black,
    dark as the shadow on volcanic rock.
    The moon was missing somehow,
    but I didn't miss it.
    I was trying to disappear,
    cloak myself in darkness' mystery and hide forever.
    I didn't think of time then,
    but I watched the sky change colors
    from under the Shawnee Creek bridge,
    where teenagers write graffiti,
    childish scribbles of puppy love, or lust.
    I never took my eyes off the empty sky
    trying to pinpoint the kalediscoping color
    so I could blend into it
    like a chameleon and never be seen again.
    Hiding in a bush, under a Sharpie made heart
    with hastily scribbled initials,
    crossed out, then written again.
    Beneath the word I was trying to escape into:
    Forever.
    It had such a magical feel to it.
    Forever.
    I could stay hidden, masked by the sky and bridge
    and stay out of sight, forever.
    Stay hidden from parents, neighbors,
    teachers always glaring at my bruises
    trying to talk to me 'man to man'.
    I'm not a man, they're not fooling anyone.
    I know exactly what I am
    I'd know even without being told every day
    just
    ......what
    ...............I
    ..................am.

    A prisoner,
    hiding in delusions
    of escaping
    my childhood
    and the brand of tough love
    I call:
    hate.




    -topic 1,
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  7. Anaphora

    Anaphora was here

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    *twiddles thumbs*
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  8. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    Sitting here on the front porch
    Watching the night pull onto the smoke of discarded cigarettes on the steps
    Watching the night pull the gray stench only to be added
    To the horrid aroma of spilled beer on the porch
    They are home from the bar now
    They are home from the bar now
    The evidence is apparent
    Like a trail left purposely for all to see
    Ashes and spilled liquor trail their way into the front room
    The living room
    They’re choice of battleground
    I here the shouts echo into the evening
    To be mixed with the sounds of an ambulance in the distance
    A baseline from an SUV stereo system a few houses down
    And the television turned on in the living room
    A failed attempt to drown out their sound
    My father
    a.k.a. dumb bastard, asshole, and broke ass scrub
    My mother
    a.k.a. whore, bitch, and slut
    This act has carried on for years now
    It’s a constant in my life
    It is the inspiration to all my dreams
    Or better yet
    Nightmares
    I hear thuds and scuffling, which only means they are in a
    Physical brawl
    And I slowly walk into the living room and see who will win
    Mother has him by the nuts
    Father has her by the neck
    And they roll back and forth in drunken stuppers
    Knocking down lamps and throw pillows
    Clothes disheveled and torn


    See, nights like these have enabled me in the integument of the brew
    But my parents were too far into their own self destruction so they never knew
    Gin, Vodka, Ale, or beer, It saved me from hearing the cries and screams
    Sometimes I’d be so drink it wouldn’t follow me in my dreams
    Alcohol would numb me so that I wouldn’t feel a thing at all
    So when I heard the 3 gunshots and saw my parents fall..

    I was numb

    With a bottle of Heineken in one hand and an automatic shotgun in the other
    I watched as the blood spilled from my father and mother

    And I was numb

    And the blood stained my own shirt
    My own blood

    The smell of death, smoke, and beer…..pulled into the night…..as I lay numb
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  9. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    Ana:
    your imagery is insane, so deep and descriptive, very poetic, story wise it was just the average abuse story but it had enough impact to keep my attention the whole way through.
    very nice piece. i still cant get over the emotion you put into this.

    trying to pinpoint the kalediscoping color
    so I could blend into it
    like a chameleon and never be seen again.

    WOW

    8.8/10


    MissK:
    i'll be straight with you majority of your rstl piece are not in my taste, but your poetry is another story. You have wonderful imagery to even in the dark moments, i think flow in this was scratchy towards the end, but it's poetry so its aloud. My fav part was the opener with the trail of buts and bottles, perfect section.

    8/10

    vote = anaphora

    very close but his just seem to flow in my head making it easier to read with out pausing, or re-reading certain lines.
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  10. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

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    Well this one was tight, i didnt know, but Anaphora, you grabbed me with everything, i thought it was intense, and i enjoyed it through out.
    MissKey, well you didnt grab me rite away, it was interestin, but then all of a sudden, suttin jumped out for me, and it was from the lines...

    See, nights like these have enabled me in the integument of the brew...

    From them lines onwards, suttin changed it, so i gota say that you claimed this one...

    Much Lv

    Misskey gets my vote...
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  11. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    Anaphora kind of just jumped into it all, really nice how the whole flow and everything went together. I liked how it was real intense.

    Miss, started off kind of slow, not really much there in the begining, it picked up but not in time.

    Vote Anaphora..... just the better written piece, simple as that
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  12. Both poems were good, Misskey was raw with emotion and had an impact of realism where as Anaphora's had was straight into it with some good imagery, portraying the prison life with good detail. This is tough cus I liked them both, and although misskeys seemed more poetic, Anaphoras flowed more smoothly, and while Anaphoras seemed a lil forced in parts, like the end of his first stanza, it seemed to pack more in..and on the other hand, misskeys seemed easier to follow, and you seemed to know where you were with it...

    Tough one, But Misskey Takes the vote
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  13. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    I'd have to Say that Anaphora struck a deep rooted nerve with me on this one. Seeing that I work hand in hand with kids and I have to have that supposed, "Man to man" talk with some of them every now and then. I realized it was the first one almost immediately because it's very descriptive and visual.

    MissKey hit an even deeper root with me because my father used to be an alchoholic and he and my mother used to fight. It would be plenty of nights I'd try to use some louder noise to drown them out, but to no avail. Also, the ending of MissKey's poem is off the hook, almost a shocker. It seems like she left it open like either she shot them, or all three of them are dead...

    I vote Misskey on this one, because it dragged me into the scenario like a good Stephen King book or somethin...
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  14. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    i gotta give my vote to Anaphora cuz i related to the topic more and i loved his word play....

    "I didn't think of time then,
    but I watched the sky change colors
    from under the Shawnee Creek bridge,
    where teenagers write graffiti,
    childish scribbles of puppy love, or lust.
    I never took my eyes off the empty sky
    trying to pinpoint the kalediscoping color
    so I could blend into it
    like a chameleon and never be seen again."

    beautiful.
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  15. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Anaphora was strong throughout the whole piece with the imagery. It was more vivid and put together better than misskey. Very easy to read. Misskey on the other hand started off real nice...then slowed down...Then picked back up very strongly at the end. The emotion in her story is what got me. I could really relate to it in a way. The ending was also great.

    too close

    but i'ma go with misskey
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  16. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    I gotta go with Anaphore.....man, that was tough. The only thing I felt that made it competitive was how MISSKEY flipped the idea towards the ending...saying, My father, a/k/a Drunk bastard, my mother, a/k/a whore, slut, and then when YOU were the one to shoot them, that was dope. But I just felt that Ana had the better piece, and I related to it more. I'm adopted and had good parents, I guess. Anyways - good shit from the both of ya'll...duece trey like MJ
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  17. MISSKEYdaQUEEN

    MISSKEYdaQUEEN Watch the black panther..

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    great feedback!!
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  18. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    read both of these a while ago...to bad one of you has to lose..most def my favorite battle

    tied up 4-4 so far
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  19. quotive

    quotive 3

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    Going with...

    Anaphora, because man... your imagery, god damn... you must have been bored when you wrote that (good thing) because I could have never came up with descriptions like that. The graffiti was EXCELLENT.

    Misskey.. I couldn't get into your piece. It felt uncomplete in ways. The realism wasn't there like Ana's was.

    So yeah, theres my vote.
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  20. the Guy with a Pen

    the Guy with a Pen a Svan Production

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    I totally agree, I was in RSTL during it's birth year. Most of these topics would great for the RSTL, but for poetry I'd prefer something more brief. Allow me to interpret in my own way.


    but anyway,


    this was a close battle- I didn't want to vote on it.
    you both get a thumbs up, but only one will get the winning Smilie.


    Anaphora:
    nice poem, very creative use of words to convey the feelings you (or your character) is having. It was written with a great degree of skill.

    my favorite block was this:

    "The sky was black,
    dark as the shadow on volcanic rock.
    The moon was missing somehow,
    but I didn't miss it.
    I was trying to disappear,
    cloak myself in darkness' mystery and hide forever.
    I didn't think of time then,
    but I watched the sky change colors
    from under the Shawnee Creek bridge,
    where teenagers write graffiti,
    childish scribbles of puppy love, or lust.
    I never took my eyes off the empty sky
    trying to pinpoint the kalediscoping color
    so I could blend into it
    like a chameleon and never be seen again.
    Hiding in a bush, under a Sharpie made heart
    with hastily scribbled initials,
    crossed out, then written again.
    Beneath the word I was trying to escape into:
    Forever.
    It had such a magical feel to it.
    Forever.
    I could stay hidden, masked by the sky and bridge
    and stay out of sight, forever."


    that was damn near have the poem, lol. Overall I really enjoyed the read, not so much with the last stanza, but still, great piece.



    MISSKEYdaQUEEN:

    Overall, the real strength in your piece was it's raw delivery. I was moved by your description of you (or your characters) life. The parents fighting, the alcohol abuse, etc. There wasn't any specific block of writing that I want to quote, due to me enjoying it's raw expression as a whole.



    in the end, I must chose a winner. So, I'm gonna have to give the vote to

    Anaphora :thumb:
    test
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