"Slowly and carefully forward," an officer said, when me and my friends got pulled over as minors driving an unregistered vehicle, without any license and going in the wrong way in a one-way street. Friend managed to shove his id in the officer's face, and after he read his surname it was enough for the traffic officer to finish and it almost looked like he'll start saluting. The aforementioned friend came back to Slovenia after a few years of living in Australia for a reunion with a full measure of nostalgia, where the whole group talked about the days we almost abolished to the junkyard of history. I remember when said friend mentioned having a nymphomaniac for a girlfriend. A week later my legendary Nissan (a month before getting totalled) had a malfunction. Couldn't blame anyone other than my brother since he was in charge of it's service and maintenance. In fact, sometimes I think mechanics are to him much like in life a piano is to me ~ infinitely interesting, yet the results of creations are always poor. In short, the car died, managed to get it to the right up on the sidewalk and lo and behold, there was my friend's car. A classic from almost Hitler's times, recognizable from a distance, as it had a huge fake penis in the front, and tubes coming out of it ~ originally designed to spray water on the windshield. Friend's type of humor. I walked to the nearest apartment building and wondered how to locate the apartment of his current girlfriend. Thought he's my best chance of getting tools and getting the car to start. When I stepped through the heavy swing doors of the apartment building, the problem of locating both suddenly disappeared. The sound that I heard, was as if someone was skinning the woman a few floors higher. I ran up the stairs and hoped for my friend to be doing one of his sexorcisms long enough for me to find the right door. And he did. Only then there was no end to the noise. Out of courtesy and solidarity to both humpers I waited for five and then ten minutes. Passing down the stairs came a second later an older woman, interestingly enough the perversion in her eyes wasn't accusatory towards Mr. Humper and Mrs. Screamer, but me (!!!), as I waited outside the door. "Enough is enough," I thought to myself, and quite knocked on the door. Moaning is instantly quieted. I knocked again and again in half a minute. I will never forget what followed. Out came my friend wrapped in a pink bathrobe still holding a condom in his hand "Ah shit! We thought you were her mom, shit!" "Why didn't you say it's you," followed a scream of the woman who ran to the door half naked ~ apparently she flushed some good weed down the toilet. Managed to calm her down, get the car started, but surely a lesson of "if a woman's screaming for too long, even the weed gets done" would probably be a tad of an overkill.. Wherever you'll be during these holidays, drive safely!