"Mental Illness"

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Knowledge, Aug 28, 2008.

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  1. Knowledge

    Knowledge Guest

    I posted this before but it was under my unfortunately banned alias... which should of been unbanned already but you can only ask so much from RM... so here;

    A rusted cage filled with fragile rage
    It's a feeling like wandering a 1,000 graves
    Soul depraved, I'm pondering, How am I standing
    Thoughtless, emotions encaged
    Hope succumbs to emotion, devotion for escape
    Stand still, embody torture, enjoy a life rape
    Bound by see through walls hate becomes effusive
    Escape becomes illusion waiting for fate's conclusion
    Binding war with seclusion
    Reactions become muted,
    As they sing "just walk on by"

    "Just walk the fuck on by"
    Never stop or stumble or wonder why?
    How do you stand so still?,
    where do you find your thrills?
    Between mediation & the body that hate filled
    One day I'm insane & the next
    I'm taking my life in vein
    See escapism doesn't live here
    Imagine if you cried til all the water inside you dried
    Strong willed inside but on the outside...

    Well that's another story, a different story
    How did I get here
    Will I ever get out of here
    Ever embody your fear?
    Feel that goose bump breeze
    Slowly tickle & buckle your knees
    A disease like paralysis
    Making you feel dead but still allowing you to breathe.
    test
  2. Knowledge

    Knowledge Guest

    Funny conclusion; I wrote this a few months ago, now I'm on a series of meds.... so don't wonder if this was from the heart....
    test
  3. kmathew92

    kmathew92 New Member

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    deep shit
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  4. PERTAiN2LiFE

    PERTAiN2LiFE sheesh the rapper

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    i can dig it
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  5. Alpha1234

    Alpha1234 New Member

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    i enjoyed it....great read one!
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  6. diceman j

    diceman j New Member

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    word!!!! i enjoyed that as well...!!!
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  7. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

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    good meds.
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  8. GLOVE

    GLOVE If da GLOVE fits spit wit

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    this was an emotional poetry stanza.
    i rtruly was feelin' this the hole way thru.
    please keep ur head up young g because there IS heavin for a G.
    test
  9. Knowledge

    Knowledge Guest

    Thanks for all the positive replies...
    test
  10. Truf DX3000

    Truf DX3000 Problem of Environments

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    I have a few mental and emotional disorders and i gotta say i couldnt get into this...i felt pieces here and there but you seemed to anxious or somthing...sort of all over the place...my bad if it was intentionally written like a bipolar poem or schizophrenic piece... the thoughts and lines where strong just not defined enough to support the topic you had your whole life to struggle with.... i was just released from a Psych Ward and im diagnosed wit ADD and MDD(manic depressive disorder and need meds(Vyvanse,Prozac,Geodon for schizophrenia) to motivate, focus, and pace my rapid racing thoughts...didnt know i could spend hours at a time reworking my writing, this was never possible before i feel your potential is unknown to you and you took the quick route to end an otherwise good poem
    Truf Fully Spittin Up
    test
  11. Poetic Concept

    Poetic Concept New Member

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    The first to stanzas were crazy emotion filled, rhyme scheme almost perfect, but the last stanza kinda disappointed me your rhyme scheme feel completely off and it just seemed like you got tired of writing and just stopped and tried to hurry up and finish this...seriously I would just rewrite this last stanza and this would go from mediocre to amazing
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  12. Common_Sense79

    Common_Sense79 Truth Peddler

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    it strayed from the original point towards the end... and became lackluster, at least when compared to those beautiful beginning stanza.
    test
  13. Urizen

    Urizen I hate humans

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    I could really relate to the second stanza
    and I liked the first stanza but the last one was kind of lost on me
    but all in all I liked this piece

    it read away smoothly
    but I would love to see you rewrite this piece
    and then post it again
    test
  14. .Sever

    .Sever Cock Back Boom

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    Nice work dog, I definitely relate
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  15. Persephone

    Persephone New Member

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    "How did I get here
    Will I ever get out of here
    Ever embody your fear?
    Feel that goose bump breeze
    Slowly tickle & buckle your knees
    A disease like paralysis

    Making you feel dead but still allowing you to breathe."

    I can really relate to this part. I suffer from mental illness. Not sure of my diagnosis totally (Psychiatrists fucking suck!) but I have often felt like I am the walking dead wondering how I let it go this far.
    Persephone
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  16. Knowledge

    Knowledge Guest

    FYI; I wrote this during an anxiety attack trying to stay calm.. that might explain the ending... regardless...
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  17. Persephone

    Persephone New Member

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    I can surely relate to anxiety attacks. I'd give you the details of how I ended up in the hospital but too much for here but let's just say it started with an anxiety attack. LOL The whole piece is really beautiful in my opinion beyond what I said I could mostly relate to. I feel the darkness, the hopelessness and the feeling of being alone. People see but it seems they don't really care. "just get over it" is what I've heard. Hope you're doing better.
    P
    test
  18. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    This sounds like one of those Steven Spielberg movie. You can really picture the things you are saying.
    test
  19. PhilNYCE

    PhilNYCE Guest

    nice...i likes
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  20. mr madness

    mr madness Silly Bitch Say Whaaaaaat

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    The word usage at the end is on a different level as the beginning, but it makes sense.

    A disease like paralysis
    Making you feel dead but still allowing you to breathe.

    That go back to the first part

    Escape becomes illusion waiting for fate's conclusion
    Binding war with seclusion
    Reactions become muted,

    I like this shit
    test
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