Melody of the soul

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by MissAndrya, Aug 25, 2012.

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  1. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    As I wade ankle deep in the cool water,
    I am refreshed, renewed.
    The rigid lines in the sand beneath my feet remind me that I am alive.
    I squish the sand in my toes and smile.

    A breeze blows and tousles my hair,
    Content, I let it.
    I breathe deep the the smell of the sea, the scent of freedom,
    I let it fill my nostrils.

    Lifting my face to the sun, I close my eyes.
    I am comforted by it's warmth.
    It holds me in its embrace, promising me the one thing I cannot have:
    To stay in this place, this moment of time,
    To float on it's rays, dance on the wind,
    To a song only I can hear.
    A melody so precious,
    I sing it to you.


    Edited for my grammar error.
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  2. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Nice poem. Your writing style reminds me of someone that i can't put my finger on. Solid work though. You should expand a bit on something because i'm curious to see how you write when using more detail. good work
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  3. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    Thanks, yo. I don't usually share my work, shy about it. I'm my own worst critic (like we all aren't, lol).

    perhaps I'll do just that.
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  4. billy nomates.

    billy nomates. rain cancels play.

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    generic and cliché. also a little heads up it's is a contraction of it is or it has. you were looking for its. which is possessive.
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  5. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    Christ. Good catch. I'm known as the Grammar Nazi amongst family and friends for correcting them all the time. I have even gone into classrooms with a sharpie or chalk and corrected lessons (teachers are the worst), and I do know better.

    Now I'm pissed.
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  6. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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  7. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Cliche but scenic.
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  8. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    Thank you.

    How ya been, stranger?
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  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    could be better...you ?
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  10. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    I'm aigh. Better than nothing, I spose.

    What's ailing ya?
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  11. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    vexation of spirit...I had a dream the cia was putting me through mind control training, I passed but did not want to join, it ending with me jumping out a military airplane...you figure it out.lol

    are you going to posts some more writings ? You should imo
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  12. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    I certainly intend to, should really focus on that, actually.

    Thank you.
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  13. TreHolla

    TreHolla Member

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    great use of imagery. i like how you engaged all of the senses. you did a really good job of capturing the moment. you effortlessly made me feel as if i were in your footsteps with my toes in the sand. there's nothing cliche or generic about it. i only read it once, but i particularly liked the line about floating along on the sunshine or something like that.

    keep feelin. you obviously are aware and are present and conveyed that through words. that's whats up!
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  14. TreHolla

    TreHolla Member

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    As I wade ankle deep in the cool water,
    {captured and pulled in right from the start.}

    A breeze blows and tousles my hair,
    Content, I let it.
    I breathe deep the the smell of the sea, the scent of freedom,
    I let it fill my nostrils.

    {that's a triple letter score because you had like three senses in one because when you can smell the sea, most of the time you can kinda taste the salt too.}

    To float on it's rays, dance on the wind,
    To a song only I can hear.

    the lines that stuck out most to me.

    don't be so critical if you're writing stuff like that.
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  15. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    Thank you.

    I always write what I feel and vice versa. I picture myself in a moment and describe it, that helps the reader feel it too.

    I'm pleased you liked it.
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  16. TreHolla

    TreHolla Member

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    no problem. do you have any influences (besides the actual moments) or do you just write?
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  17. MissAndrya

    MissAndrya Evolution is what is.

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    Different things influence/inspire me. Mood, personal events, nature, dreams and desires etc. I'm in touch with many things, think and feel deeply.

    I also write because I simply enjoy it. I carry a journal with me always, and into it go thoughts, poems, lyrics......everything. when I fill one, I start another.
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