MarQuise V.S. King Tony

Discussion in 'Writer's Block' started by Mind~$oul, May 23, 2004.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    test
  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Pick 1 out of the 4 pictures below in this link...Please post the link of the picture you chose along with your poem....[​IMG] for the people who dont know how to do so....

    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthrea...0961post8920961

    Min=16 lines
    Max=64
    No Show=4

    Sign in by Sunday, May 30th! Verses Due Tuesday, June 1st!

    Voting due Saturday, June 5th!
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    The link didnt work...So here goes the pics

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]

    [​IMG]
    test
  4. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

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    checkin' in. gonna drop by tomorrow night i think
    test
  5. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

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    Mind Soul i see you changed it again, anywayz lol, better like this...
    Well im signing in also, and thanx for the good luck Tony... ; ) *sarcasm*
    Good luck 2u sweety...
    test
  6. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

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    [​IMG]

    ok in dis piece, tha girl he loved drowned in tha ocean




    My story is a tragedy
    Be prepared to cry
    They say time heals all
    But that is a lie

    I searched my whole life
    And I finally found
    Tha one meant for me
    Love and joy did abound

    How quickly that changed
    One ill-fated day
    Death claimed my love
    Death stole her away

    Maddened by grief
    Consumed by my sorrow
    She was my future
    Now I have no tomorrow

    I stare at her picture
    I long for her touch
    I can still smell her
    I miss her so much

    I pick up my gun
    And contemplate death
    What use in living
    When I feel so bereft

    But life is a gift
    And I haven't tha right
    So I put down my gun
    And weep through each night

    I mourn for her daily
    There is no relief
    My soul is tormented
    My heart filled by grief

    My life without meaning
    No feelings but pain
    Death claimed my lady
    I can't love again

    My bedmate is rage
    My friend, misery
    I live for my death
    Cause she's waiting for me


    best of luck marquise :)
    test
  7. Surreal The A.D. Prophet

    Surreal The A.D. Prophet Wondrous Poetic

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  8. MarQuise*

    MarQuise* Can You Hear Me*

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    [​IMG]




    The sun sets, to the south of my heart
    The rain touches, to the depths of my soul
    As I walk this sandy beach
    My feelings sink in with my feet
    I have explored my hearts emotions
    As I have explored this beach
    I have watched the oceans tidal waves
    I have felt the breeze touch my soft cheeks
    The tree branches sweep from side to side
    I push away the hair from my eyes

    I’m being swept away, in to an ocean
    Full of disarray
    My emptiness,
    My completeness,
    My mood changes as quick the sun does set
    And the moon does shine
    Are you captivated by this picture?
    I am…
    Close your eyes…
    Imagine red skies….

    Do you see it?
    Not yet…
    The hot sun edges on your back
    Your neck tingles
    Your partner grabs your hand
    You run along the sea front
    Her hair everywhere
    She looks back to gaze at you
    You lose yourself in the scene
    In this picture…

    Of tranquilly
    Of beauty
    She is your sunset…
    You are her sky
    The ripples of the waves
    The Swaying of trees
    These convey your emotions
    Your head sways, your heart ripples…
    Now do you see it?
    Look deeply in to the picture…

    That’s it…
    There she is…
    There you are…
    [kissu] ​

    Good Luck Sweety...
    test
  9. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    When I first read tony's I was like that's it he won this, I dont even have to read the other piece, but MarQuise really showed me different. I like how Mar used the picture the best she could and the imagery really expressed that attention on the picture. Tony it seems you loosly wrote to the picture, as good as your piece was, I can't say which one was flat out better. So my vote goes to MARQUISE for using the picture better.



    Stay Up, Much Love, Peace
    test
  10. This was hard cus both poems seem to come from with a different voice and perspective. Tony's had a rhythm to it and he had some stanzas that I really felt such as...

    My life without meaning
    No feelings but pain
    Death claimed my lady
    I can't love again
    ..

    I Guess I have to take the picture into account cus thats what this is about, and well Marquise seemed to have some really vivid Imagery, I felt like I was on the beach, also I liked the fluctuation in feelings, the piece seemed to have something wild and natural about it, and the picture just seemed to fit the words..

    Vote--Marquise
    test
  11. MANchyld

    MANchyld Guest

    Tony is my folks... he gave me my first rep when my level was at 10, but you didn't try hard in this one man. I know you got more skills than that because I've seen it... your poem was god, but just didn't give enough to me as a reader... it was passionate, but the vision you painted was just not detailed enough

    Mar...
    just had more imagery and a brouder look into the depth of the picture in my opinion.

    Vote: MarQ
    test
  12. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    you know what's sad man, Lyrical Sorcery is right, lol...I've seen you at much greater man...but like we both said, not in it to win it, more of a just because...Gotta do it justice though


    MarQ
    test
  13. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    winner=MarQuise
    test
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