Manufactured reality

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by low74, May 8, 2013.

  1. low74

    low74 Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2002
    Messages:
    159
    The feel was that of falling dreams ..I gave the name poetic gray
    Yet it seems to make me move, in such a weird noetic way
    Wont stand up so let it lay, then it changed the tone to red
    Women wanna move in ..but im livin on the edge
    Heart like a stonehedge, someone heal this achey joint
    I prolly need to snapback ..I think im at my breaking point
    Never time to converse, never time to rehearse
    Space aged rap flow Im bout to spit a universe
    People test my intellect, I think that I can bend a spoon
    Im checking out my hotel ..im finna go and rent a tomb
    Another one sent to doom but never is the knowledge dead
    And if you ever read my mind youll prolly get a college cred
    Or tour my mental landscape, ill give you guys a stroll for free
    I always keep my head down cause death is hanging over me
    Yeah you right, I done abuncha things I know I shouldnt of
    And now im stuck here with my thoughts I swear thats punishment enough
    In my mind im ostracized, never mind what I project
    I break a nail a hostage dies ..it has that butterfly effect
    I missed the family barbecues and still I wished I never did
    But just so I can be the best, ill sacrifice a couple ribs
    I know im slowly loosin touch each and everyday I am
    I use to talk to burnin trees but now im goin abraham!
    Im flowin like the sink full, they wantin me to pipe it down
    I dont serve in school zones ..im tryna turn my life around
    Confessions of a convict, I feel like im beyond shit
    Ill watch the movie amistad with my favorite blonde chick
    Tell her go and fix the teepee, make her wear a dishiki
    Take her to get her weave done each and every bi-weekly
    Now im sick of blonde chick, marlyns a dead act
    Oh now im clownin kennedy I wonder where my heads at ?


    Splat
    test
  2. SirFreshcoast

    SirFreshcoast New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2013
    Messages:
    8
    True Life?

    True life? I think the bars are dope, but with the content and intellectual wordplay youre rockin with.. you gone have to have a swagged delivery to back it or its gone hit ppl like a dictionary.. best one liner: if you read my mind you prolly get a college cred. Nice
    test
  3. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    207
    Some very slick lines on offer here, enjoyed the piece a lot. I thought the flow was a little elementary but the content was interesting nontheless. A few lines that stood out are as follows;

    You should post more.
    test
  4. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    Confessions of a convict, I feel like im beyond shit
    Ill watch the movie amistad with my favorite blonde chick


    I see you. Nice lines here...like that


    Nice confessional piece...somewhat redundant in the sense you kept hammering the same point over in different ways at the expense of developing more angles to this concept....rhymes where hit or miss but largely hit...I could see a dope MC bring life to this text.

    good drop
    test

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