~Man Child In A Cold War~

She stole a star or two
to keep from being lonely...
every tear can manage a story
her tears are no different
I tainted her innocence...
and now she's starting to lose
a grip of her image...
as to whatever I see her as
she's even more self conscious of it

A new life has been conceived
from the back seat of a grand prix...
on a late night in June, while the
summer breeze overwhelmed our bodies...
and she vows to keep this one
even if she can't keep me...

I'm her sweetest thing
and sadly she's my ex factor
when i'm tired of chasing after...
these women who are useless
to me after 15 minutes...
she's alone during late nights
and through morning sickness...
she's weak without me and
she begs that she needs me...
while I'm hoping she changes
her mind within 8 weeks...

I took advantage of a person
who needed a crutch...
a person who never felt love
and just like the many before
she was caught up in my cold war...
the demons against the broken pieces
of my heart, where love doesn't last long...

maybe until my second child is born

Wow. This was crazy ..., Man, I really enjoyed this.


"A new life has been conceived
from the back seat of a grand prix...
on a late night in June, while the
summer breeze overwhelmed our bodies...
and she vows to keep this one
even if she can't keep me..."


"I took advantage of a person
who needed a crutch...
a person who never felt love
and just like that many before
she was caught up in my cold war...
the demons against the broken pieces
of my heart, where love doesn't last long..."


Damn, Is this real? ....

This was hott, Forreal. ...Damn.

"She stole a star or two
to keep from being lonely...
every tear can manage a story
her tears are no different
I tainted her innocence...
and now she's starting to lose
a grip of her image...
as to whatever I see her as
she's even more self conscious of it"

Dope opening. Did you write some of this to Van Hunt? The first two lines remind me of "What Can I Say"... but anyways, I appreciated this stanza.. you can change a person, it's crazy..

"A new life has been conceived
from the back seat of a grand prix...
on a late night in June, while the
summer breeze overwhelmed our bodies...
and she vows to keep this one
even if she can't keep me..."

A lot of details, nicely written. The last two lines made me say "Damn," which barely happens on here lol.

"I'm her sweetest thing
and sadly she's my ex factor
when i'm tired of chasing after...
these women who are useless
to me after 15 minutes...
she's alone during late nights
and through morning sickness...
she's weak without me and
she begs that she needs me...
while I'm hoping she changes
her mind within 8 weeks..."

Ahhh the Lauryn Hill classics. I was listening to "The Sweetest Thing" last night.. man great song. I didn't like the last two lines here, I mean... I do. But I just hate when men try to force abortion on women... I think it's fucked up... Keeeppp Yaaa Headdd Uppp.. yeah.

"I took advantage of a person
who needed a crutch...
a person who never felt love
and just like the many before
she was caught up in my cold war...
the demons against the broken pieces
of my heart, where love doesn't last long..."

Nothing special here, decent ending. I think you could have put a little more detail into this part to make it more powerful, but it works.

"maybe until my second child is born"

I think it'd be extremely hard on me to cherish a child that I wanted dead within 8 weeks...

Good piece..

and btw, I think the title doesn't fit the piece.. you always have weird titles man lol... but yo, nice work..

I really could relate to the honesty of this piece. Reality is there, didn't hold back the truth because of fear of acceptance. Even the most real have stuff they hide to insure the integrity of their visade. Seems you didn't have any masks on when you wrote this piece.

You mentioned she is keeping "this one". Did you mean she had aborted or lost before? It makes a difference to me and changes the way I relate to the piece. Good looking out Soul.

ahh nice poem. Some of it carried a feeling that made me think of something I would right (except obviously with another approach) I like the flow. Great imagery. I also like the way the ending seems to become less predictable. It was interesting and pulled of nicely.

quotive got at all the quoteables, god bless his soul.

dope drop man.

-ashes

Hmm, More people need to read this.

hmmm

this was definitely a sad story.. i loved the imagery.. keep blessing

Pretty deep.

on a late night in June, while the
summer breeze overwhelmed our bodies...
and she vows to keep this one
even if she can't keep me...

that's crazy. I like your imagery, and the mood of this one was so sad.....seems to a be a trend for you. Nice drop.

God Bless

I'm her sweetest thing
and sadly she's my ex factor
when i'm tired of chasing after...
these women who are useless
to me after 15 minutes...
she's alone during late nights
and through morning sickness...
she's weak without me and
she begs that she needs me...
while I'm hoping she changes
her mind within 8 weeks...
I don't like quoting a lot of stuff, but this reminds me of Anthony Hamilton's "Charlene." The vibe of that song gave way to this piece. Damn, about time you write off to that Intro you wrote not too long ago. This was good, good read. Can't compare either one to each other either. The first part was beautiful man. I don't even know if this was intended to be a 'follow up' to the other piece, its more like writing about life and not the timeline. wtf?

as to whatever I see her as
she's even more self conscious of it
this part esp. Crazy how when you're going through this type of stuff, you wouldn't think you were aware of what you were actually doing, not knowing you were hurting somebody, to go back later and reflect and be like damn. IDK, a lot of times I'd be the one at fault but I guess it was kind of 50 50 on that. Anyways, I like the title too. Keep writing.

-Much Love

Looking at the title I was totally expecting a different kind of concept. This was an ill drop though. Guilt ridden up in this one man. Makes me start thinkin bout what I've done that's fucked up somebody. Keep the ink flowin.1.

Interesting

oh its like that?

First off love the title....and I love your creativity in this piece....something I've always admired about your work....str8 to the point with abstract real life imagery

this was a touchy subject for me due to current love issues so I could mos def relate and love the metaphors you spruced thru out this one

keep blessing us

One

i liked this alot very vivid and descriptive

I never know what to say to stuff like this b/c it's so personal and what makes it is what it is about rather than any way it is written.
I think the honesty in it..is what spoke most to me.

Naw man I think you misread the poem. I'm not trying to force her to abort the baby. It's just more about me being scared of the possibility of becoming a father for the second time. Not every man is happy at the thought of becoming a father at first. Regardless if it's with a woman they really care about or not. But now I'm not trying to force abortion. Regardless the woman will always have the finale word in that anyway.

Thanks for showing love peoples.


One luv

here:
A new life has been conceived
from the back seat of a grand prix...
on a late night in June, while the
summer breeze overwhelmed our bodies...
and she vows to keep this one
even if she can't keep me...

those lines were effective..and I liked it. Tell you the truth, I don't know why I like it, but I do.
I think it was the concept of it.

props to you. very well planned.