Madness written at midnight

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Mrjdm998, Feb 16, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Messages:
    7,040
    Keep my guns suppressed like Iranian's freedom of speech
    As I scrape off your face like I'm peeling a peach
    I ain't at the top of my game but you still can't reach
    Bring the Cobra Kai on a date sweep the girl off her feet
    Make you bite the curb restrain both arms and legs
    Put a dog treat on your back so the blind man stamps on your head
    You ain't a fisherman wouldn't throw away one of my lines
    Only thing which can double cross me are my own thoughts on my mind

    Now please sir tell me why the fuck
    I'd buy a girl dinner when rohypnol costs like half as much?
    I've got so much skill most ya'll just lack it
    I could make an album over static and it'd be a classic
    I'm the guy in the kids ward carrying out surgery with a big sword
    Putting bleach in Timmy's cup sayin' the pain'll stop if he swigs more
    Choking out the nurse while stealing her purse
    Before putting her into a hearse with the girl in the next rooms after birth

    Haha, you thought I was done having fun? Wrong
    I'll rip your neck from your shoulders smoke your head as a bong
    Ready attack crews crush them up like snack chews
    I'm English, so fuck punchlines I smack que's
    Walk into a gunfight bust more shots than bakkake scenes
    Leave them all out on ice like two hockey teams
    Quick as it starts, turn beef into mince meat
    Cut up chickens and reVEAL that there's a horse head between their sheets
    test
  2. JASON ANTHONY

    JASON ANTHONY White Devil

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Messages:
    18,499
    ^

    Sick lines. This was entertaining. I wanna kill somebody now.
    test
  3. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    im-a give u a respected critique since i hate u so much...

    OK.. well bravo... verse well written.. pretty good flow schemes and patterned sequences delivered. punch lines we a tad bland as with some filler lines, i felt were added for more of a explicit mood setting.. still, i see no direction in this verse, and i walk away with nothing, to really say wow over, other the fact, that, the writer, really craftily strung together some good rhyming bar's and delivered some wicked concept's.. i really didn't feel, too stimulated.

    but good job son, keep it up..

    i hope u take my critique serious and not as a dis.
    test
  4. JASON ANTHONY

    JASON ANTHONY White Devil

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Messages:
    18,499
    LP thinks you suck.
    test
  5. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Messages:
    7,040
    Thanks for the feedback man. Reading back I sort of get what you mean, especialy with some of the weaker lines. It's always helpful to get this sort of critique.
    test
  6. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    glad you didn't take it offensively.. i offered you my time and expertise.. G'luck maintaining light weight #1 spot.
    test
  7. Mrjdm998

    Mrjdm998 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2011
    Messages:
    7,040
    I'm like Kool G Rap and you're blind if you can't see that
    Stretch out songs by putting them on a medievil CD rack
    Sneak in while your in bed and use a sickle to turn the sheets red
    Die Hard like I got shot dead while gettin' head or going between her legs
    Rev up my chainsaw ready to eat your brain raw
    Sit and watch the rain pour but that's not what they call me insane for
    It's 'cus I'm the only man mad enough to sprint along the third rail
    Wearing chain mail and when I get sent to jail spit half a verse as bail
    I'm known for writing down my sickest verses in braille
    Or burning the pages and mixing them with the holy grail
    Any visions of beating me are just a tricky mirage
    Like the thick fake arse, attatched to Nikki Minaj
    Grab a machete and turn Queen of the Serengeti into Ugly Betty
    Then hunt down a yeti cut it up like spaghetti and throw it up into the sky like confeti
    Split your cells until you feel no pain
    I lose at Russian Roullete and be like "Lets go again!"
    test
  8. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2000
    Messages:
    24,097
    vet's kno, tha techs blo, and expose ya skin
    the text's froze, invent flows that impose a gem
    ingest foes and infect hoes collect soul's -n- win
    dissect pro's direct blow's connect those 2 chins
    affect those "reject-o's" breed death flow's to men
    the Klepto's we test show no respect for they kin
    they tip toe and tic tac toe we rip slow they limbs..
    we grip chrome get sick dome from baby mama's and frendz..
    exquisite poems composed in the quickness for em
    infinit boredom is in this forum so it isn't important
    if the lyricalpriest hasn't spoken..
    that's goin all in..
    test
  9. JASON ANTHONY

    JASON ANTHONY White Devil

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2010
    Messages:
    18,499
    take it to the cypher, you fags
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)