"lost"

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by lewdDog, May 27, 2003.

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  1. lewdDog

    lewdDog Life is are own illusion

    Joined:
    May 11, 2003
    Messages:
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    I’ve alienated my self from society.
    I look at my self n all I see is a lonely soul.
    I'm only a ½ not a whole, I’m incomplete.
    I’m on a losing streak.
    I’ve lost to love; I’ve lost to anger,
    I lost my heart to a complete stranger.
    I need a friendship; one’s whose lips I can kiss.
    I missed out, so I just reminisce about the one I miss.
    The one who changed my life with just one kiss.
    The one who gave my life a gift.
    The gift of human compassion.
    I wonder what happens now.
    Am I bound to die alone in this hopeless town?
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    A bit simplistic, due to the redundant use of words, although it was made like that and worked, so it was decent. I thought that the meaning was there, although I wasn't really feeling it, because of lack of the metaphores and similes. Those are what really attracts me to the piece, na'mean? I felt as if you just spoke our your thoughts on the mind, although didn't use much imagination to set a picture in the heads of those who were reading it. Use better imagery, metaphors, and similes next time. Although, overall it was a decent piece, all love. My blessings..

    *return the favor by dropping some knowledge on my piece.

    http://board.rapmusic.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=575322
    test
  3. Revo1

    Revo1 Rhythms & Sounds

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2003
    Messages:
    88
    i also remember this from pr, famz. good to see you shared this one particularly, because this was another nice one, poet. take care, lewd...
    test
  4. j$crILLa

    j$crILLa ~$crillVille~

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2001
    Messages:
    12,589
    this was tight, nice work, liked how u arranged it... keep droppin and peep mine for me
    test
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