~Lost Poems: Volume 1~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Mind~$oul, Jan 12, 2004.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Lost Poems: Volume 1

    This is just a few old poems that i never finished nor had the desire too.

    He Wept
    10/14/03

    sometimes the rain
    magically sways in rhythm
    to the voyage of
    atlantis...
    sounding similar to the tears
    that soaks my desk...
    suicide is no longer a thought...
    but just a half
    a step....
    all was deaf...
    when this poet
    wept...all was blind when i
    sung to death...all was speechless when
    i cursed a dead man...
    no longer do i feel
    human...but insane..a soulless
    demon...i anxiously wait
    for my end..only to fall within the
    cycle...and another tortuous life
    begins....

    To Kiss Alexuz
    3/7/02

    once i've longed
    to kiss...
    she meant more than what
    life was to me through
    my eyes...throughout the years
    i've purposly locked myself inside
    a lonely cage...a mircale was needed
    to get a part
    of me...eloquently she
    has forgotten me...
    . when once before i clung to on
    . her memory....
    to live life without
    her...is an unsong song for
    my words...to sway(form) to

    Gray
    7/28/00

    so dull, life as been
    to whom searches
    for light..no color
    seen through their eyes...no rhythm beathing through
    their heart line...
    fallen leaves...fall victim to their
    wanderlust feet...
    the offspring of mixed
    coloring...happiness escaped
    them when they first
    exhaled...forever they shall
    suffocate..for only pain is left
    to inhale...
    unseen and
    forgotten..they watch life only
    when it rains...
    .......a heartbroken man them
    gray.........
    test
  2. 'HE wept'

    I found this very raw and depressing, it was reeking of helplesness and lack of motivation. it was screaming for new surroundings and fresh air to breathe. It was all tangled up in knots, it was wanting to be saved.

    'Gray'

    again quite sad, im not quite sure where this went in regards to something interacial, was it a break up of family? or maybe a raoe with wanderlust. Im not sure, but it was a heartfelt piece, i liked how you called them grey, it reminded me of statues in the rain, or cold appiritions without any remorse for their actions. This piece was murkky and dreamy, and i liked it, u should finish them off.

    keep it up, fella
    test
  3. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    forever they shall
    suffocate..for only pain is left
    to inhale...

    damn man...u need to finish that last joint...

    good stuff in all of them..

    i miss the old days back when u used to write poetry

    i think u should write something
    test
  4. illpoetical

    illpoetical raising the bar everyday

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2000
    Messages:
    1,533
    they were all tight and were ill as usual
    you should think about finishing them if in fact they aren't done
    1
    test
  5. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Thanks for the luv. You know i really dont too much care about how many replies I get, most of you that know me already know this. But i am amazed on how i spend so much time tryin my best to reply to everbody else piece. Even the ones who complain about gettin slept on all the time. And I only end up with 3 replies? crazy

    one luv
    test
  6. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2003
    Messages:
    4,076
    sometimes the rain
    magically sways in rhythm
    to the voyage of
    atlantis...
    sounding similar to the tears
    that soaks my desk...
    ^^^I really enjoyed that passage as really it set the tone for all three of these...
    still searching for a reason not to give up...
    but feeling so influenced to give up...







    so dull, life as been
    to whom searches
    for light..no color
    seen through their eyes...no rhythm beathing through
    their heart line...
    fallen leaves...fall victim to their
    wanderlust feet...
    the offspring of mixed
    coloring...happiness escaped
    them when they first
    exhaled...forever they shall
    suffocate..for only pain is left
    to inhale...
    unseen and
    forgotten..they watch life only
    when it rains...
    ^^^^^^^
    sometimes the most difficult thing is to just breathe...
    just to relax,inhale,exhale...
    your so worried of never acheiving a sense of identity...
    that before you know it the time to become someone has been in fast forward so long,that you realize what youve lost...but still waiting for that moment to declare a starting point...
    test
  7. iLL Script.

    iLL Script. ~Poetic~

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2002
    Messages:
    15,884
    no longer do i feel
    human...but insane..a soulless
    demon...i anxiously wait
    for my end..only to fall within the
    cycle..
    ^was really feelin dat part. for pieces that u didn't finish they all came out very well written
    but for some reason that part above really stood up to me, nice job
    stay up
    test
  8. The Verbalist

    The Verbalist Where Dey At ?

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2003
    Messages:
    40
    He Wept, was my favorite in this collection. I like your structure of writing, it clearly protrays the way the reader should read it.

    i anxiously wait
    for my end..only to fall within the
    cycle...and another tortuous life
    begins....

    ^I liked this line alot, to me it represents the continuous struggle of life. If it aint one thing it's another

    You got skill, keep it up.

    One
    test
  9. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,243
    "To Kiss Alexuz
    3/7/02

    once i've longed
    to kiss...
    she meant more than what
    life was to me through
    my eyes...throughout the years
    i've purposly locked myself inside
    a lonely cage...a mircale was needed
    to get a part
    of me...eloquently she
    has forgotten me...
    . when once before i clung to on
    . her memory....
    to live life without
    her...is an unsong song for
    my words...to sway(form) to"

    I guess I am going to have to be the different one and say that I like this one more than I liek the other ones. Maybe because I found myself in this situation. I was sooo deeply wounded that I had to find a way to lock myself up, and it would take a miracle to get hold a piece of me. But I found that miracles happen, it's only a matter of belief and not soo much time...
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    Thanks for the love

    last up
    test
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