Lil story

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Coup d'état, Dec 11, 2010.

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  1. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I like an audience
    so I do things,
    random things

    I was at an Assembly once
    and fell asleep to monotony
    to rasping echos, falling
    into a nursery of short attentions

    the speaker was one bearded neck vocalizing
    safe sex or vote or die or whatever
    I was sleeping anyways, don't matter

    an elbow nudged a lower rib
    and I lifted crusty eyes
    took in a thousand images
    and bit my lower lip yawing
    I mentally told off the dude next to me
    and my head rocked back again

    an elbow again
    fuck it, let's roll

    I pulled out a Marlboro from a shirt pocket
    light it against one hundred gasps
    exhaled into infinity, smoke rings for Jesus
    I guess, whatever

    I stood to stretch my jeans
    but really to see the sea of faces
    all point blank, some laughing
    some judging, most up tight

    the bearded speaker froze
    now every ounce of energy
    turned on me, I took another drag
    I was the Assembly now
    speaker, or whatever
    don't matter, they led me
    into the lime light

    I exhaled into a womans face
    never noticed her really
    because I was on the stage now

    Looking into the sea of cookie cut faces
    I took another drag of the Marlboro
    exhaled thinking about what to do
    up here, king of the mountain
    thinking

    fuck it,
    I pressed a white knuckle
    against a hitch hikers thumb
    knocking my Marlboro back
    to let the mother fucker with
    happy elbows have a sentiment
    of my attention
    test
  2. Konflikt

    Konflikt ●○●○●○●○●○●

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    that was a neat story.

    i liked it
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  3. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    thanks konflikt ;) It was a very quick one.
    test
  4. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    Did this REALY HAPPEN? The simple,potent prose rings with authenticity not only because of the power of your writing,but also because I actually heard that a kid did that once in my college freshman geology course.Lol Coup did you really do that? The fact that I have to ask this question at all emphasizes the potent imagery,the spellbinding credibility of your words...big ups the strength in this piece.Keep it comin,dawg.
    test
  5. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    I never did such a thing, just imagined it. lol I wrote it very fast

    and thank you DethStryque for your comments
    test
  6. DethStryque

    DethStryque DethStryque theInvincible

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    You're welcome brutha.Lol I thought you might have done this before because as I alluded to earlier I have heard of such a thing being done
    test
  7. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    wtf was this?

    I don't matter.....
    test
  8. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    What do you mean, wtf is this?

    It's a little story bro.
    test
  9. eM_eighch

    eM_eighch Member

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    really cool story
    test
  10. xCimmiCx

    xCimmiCx ^¿~bless~?^

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    not gonna lie, i'd pay to see this done at an open mic night or a poet society in spoken word... i think this could be very powerful... shows some conflict and one's desire for attention whether its conscience or not... beautifully written my friend.. great read, great story, great creativity!!!!! cheers!!

    -CimmiC

    PS i smoke Marlboro's
    test
  11. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    white boy
    test
  12. xCimmiCx

    xCimmiCx ^¿~bless~?^

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    got me.... haha

    -CimmiC
    test
  13. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Marlboro's are a cigarettes cigarette
    test
  14. G Force

    G Force Member

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    The way you wrote this was very clever. With that type of skill you should have a go at writting a book, i reckon.
    test
  15. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    thanks for readig Gforce. I do plan a book, but not for a few more years :)
    test
  16. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    Lets collab on dat bitch
    test
  17. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    sorry oman, I work alone. PM me your ideas though.
    test
  18. ScimonomicS

    ScimonomicS New Member

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    fucking awesome story. decent poem. maybe have the speaker (the one recalling this story) not be so enamored with himself?
    test
  19. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    the whole idea that he is enamored with himself but comes across as not wanting it. hmmm,

    oh well.
    test
  20. ScimonomicS

    ScimonomicS New Member

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    i re-read it and i see what you're saying here. i still think the speakers tone seems a little off to me, like TOO sure of himself. take it or leave it, i like the poem regardless.
    test
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