letter to someone better

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by h.wood, Jun 20, 2003.

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  1. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    The distance between us is not a space for error.
    it took a mistake to realise that.
    my long term love would be shattered fast but re- attached if he felt where my heart was at.
    (it's in his grasp)
    he holds me up when i begin to lapse, his palms support and fill in the cracks.
    due to a recent string of ignorant mishaps
    i'd be suprised if he didnt throw it back
    toss it up and swing a bat
    pin it to a bull's eye to launch darts at
    or place it ontop a bottle and cock his barrel back.

    i'm out of line , out of character
    i hate the way i act.
    my drunken stage presence has me asking the director where the bathrooms at
    because my grand preformance involves knifes and bottle-caps.
    i've been nominated for best piece of ass , so my acceptance speak will thank all those who recycle trash. - bag your laughs
    i'm tying up my lungs untill i can only gasp
    struggling for breath untill my visions turns black
    unhappy with myself so i'll be glad if they collaspe
    finishing off bottles so i can start to pass
    wishing to sleep like aurora until prince philip extracts------me
    from my dreams
    from my reality
    from the tradjety that i'm going to be if i keep traveling these paths haphazardly
    knowing that if i continue to stray - he'll give up on finding me
    walk away cursing for wasting his time with me

    truthfully i'm sorry
    i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me
    i'm killing my entire reason for living
    besides from my daughter and looking at the example i'm giving

    if i wasnt such a wimp
    i would've pressed harder on the knife
    if i could
    i'd draw back with erasers and just wipe
    but all i can do is come clean and apologize

    we have never kissed, never touched or otherwise
    we havent shared an ocean or awoke with the sunrise
    we have never spoke so we can not start with lies
    my " somewhere out there someone" i say a prayer tonight
    we will find one another but is forgivness in sight
    take from me these tears , polish the stars within your eyes
    it has never ben so clear that i've got to make it right
    i love and anticipate you , like wishing for christmas in july
    im sorry
    test
  2. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    truly loved it.....first time i read through i was just noticing the flow of it and the way it sounds out loud......i read it a second time for content.....both were totally on point......nothing was forced....there were so many parts i liked so im not even going to bother quoting or anything......damn nice piece :)

    peace and blessings
    test
  3. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    11,131
    yea i agree... everything was top notch in this piece...

    "if i wasnt such a wimp
    i would've pressed harder on the knife
    if i could
    i'd draw back with erasers and just wipe
    but all i can do is come clean and apologize"


    i liked that part... nice job.
    test
  4. Nebulaz

    Nebulaz fear God, not man

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    spelling holly, spelling, I'll teach you how to use spell check yet!. J/k this was incredible. you have a way with words that justs puts the reader in a position where they feel like they're there with you feeling what you feel.
    test
  5. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    17,331
    damn this was incredible, the way you put ya words together and everything was on point. Glad to see you postin something again, been missin you...

    one luv
    test
  6. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    wow...some awesome pieces out there today and this is one of these. i sensed desperation in this..peraphs a tinge of hopelessness...definitly the feeling of waiting for someone to rescue you from yourself....

    much respect on this piece
    test
  7. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    thank you guys very much for the awesome replies. and i promise i'll use the spell check next time lol
    test
  8. Cereal_Killer

    Cereal_Killer no ESCAPE

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    Well done usually this isn't my style of reading and i stop half way but i really enjoyed it and was glad i finished reading.

    Im sorry..............that line was the clencher, it was extremley strong, that did it for me....Great piece keep it up..........
    test
  9. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

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    2,740
    This Was Deep And So Fuckin Real...mos Def An Ill Piece U Dropped...u Got Flavor And Everyone Readin This Will Feel It...i Dont Think It Needs Improvement Or Anything...sorry For Overlookin This...~one Love~
    test
  10. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

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    thank you
    test
  11. varentao

    varentao New Member

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    It seemed to me somethin quite 'personally' done in a very simple way. A ridig rhyme scene that fitted in well with the piece.

    I felt you tailed off once or twice. Over emphasising certain points. Or should i say, over elaborating. But how the piece was, it aint worth mulling over...but just to look to in the future...

    ..resp...
    test
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