Ladies??? Do you have a time frame??

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by MISSKEYdaQUEEN, Aug 18, 2008.

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  1. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    yeah... common sense... will power... and dudes who know the meaning of the word "discretion" [or, better yet, ones you know you'll never see again... they don't even count... lol!!!]

    Calm down folks... I'm just kidding!


    Kinda.


    You know I have issues girl... lol.
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  2. I guess the question is whether when we pursue a mate, one of our first priorities is ensuring an environment for monogamy.That's an interesting view about seeing a woman as a piece of property that he doesn't want to be violated. I'm sure there is some truth to that, but also, why the resentment in general for a woman's sexual liberty? If he does not wish to pursue her, why test and offend her? I think these attitudes stem from prospering in this double standard for a long time, (no value judgments upon sex for males), insecurity, and also religious views/symbolism "the whore", etc. Imo, Sexuality and the act of concealing it, for women at least, has been a defining factor in her success or failure.

    I can only really explain this through the social conditioning that has projected expectations of women, by males (and females), because let us not forget how women often scorn other women for their sexual liberties. I think women in the current day are still living an extension of the liberation movement, when it comes to sexuality, and men are reacting to this new kind of modern woman often with the prejudices of their fathers.

    share it sometime?
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  3. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

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    lol@ ya breaking down the psyche n nature of a horny couple on the first date

    i dont think of a girl any differently if she gives it up on the first date or the 21st date.
    if anything its just measuring how well ive displayed myself and wat kind of impression ive left.
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  4. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    Thats interesting the way you put it. I think a lot more couples should consider swinging... or open marriages... or polygamy. Would cut down on a lot of the unnecessary b.s. involved in cheating and deceiving your mate and breaking those bonds of trust. Monogamy is just not for some people.


    No doubt. I've heard those words from men, verbatim. I frequent another board... average age is about 40 or so... many married and/or divorced folks over there... mostly talk about relationship stuff. Throughout most of the threads there, the common theme is: 1) men are teritorial; 2) they do what they can to ensure that they don't end up with a woman who is likely to cheat on them, and get sick to their stomachs at the mere thought of their woman being with someone else; 3) men are higly unlikely to forgive a cheating woman; 4) men don't respect other men who stay with cheating women; 5) men expect women to understand/forgive their own infidelity.


    That's what I wonder? The same way some men hate having to jump through hoops to have sex with women, some women hate having to wait through the screening and weeding-out process with X amount of men before they can find someone "worthy" enough to have sex with... cause while you're over there waiting for the p*ssy, she's over there horny and having to wait for you to earn it, too.

    I think that's why sometimes a woman will have sex quicker with a man she doesn't see as relationship material... but will wait longer to have sex with one she does. The former... she's already decided you're not for her... but she still wants to have sex with you, she just doesn't need to go through all the technicalities... its not "going anywhere" anyway. With the latter... she'll wait it out longer to see what he's really about... and because she knows how guys think/feel about "easy" women, so she's just "playing the game".

    I'ono. Thats just a theory... I've got a ton of 'em... lol.


    I totally agree with you on this.


    You're totally right... women are some of the biggest perpetuaters of that line of thinking. They can be hella judgemental and demeaning towards other women who are more "sexually liberated". Its like... for men, promiscuity is like a badge of honor to be praised... especially by other men. But for women, it's a badge of honor to claim how "pure" and "innocent" you are... or how few partners you've had... like that makes you better than other women who havent/arent.


    Could you explain this?


    I just think the whole insecurity issue ties into the "women as property" thing. If a woman is seen as sexually liberated, perhaps it makes a man feel insecure about his ability to keep his woman from straying or being "violated" by other men. A way of asserting some control over that is to try to suppress womens sexuality... make them feel bad about being too open with it. They make it a moral issue... which is crazy to me b/c there is nothing inherently im/moral about the act of sex.

    There's nothing inherently wrong or immoral about some nuts on a chin... or a grabbing, slapping good time... had betwixt two responsible, consenting adults. Even if it occurs on the first night.

    Aite... I'm about to grab some coffee. I have some down time this week... I'll have more to say after I get my caffeine!
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  5. I have thought about this and although I think it would solve a lot of problems, I do not think people in general could be that open, or are ready/willing to share. Feelings of resentment and jealousy seem to dominate.

    Just look out how people react to love in the plural sense. Love is something that must never be divided (romantically at least)and people will not stand for it as each person feels (and perhaps selfishly) that they must be loved and honoured, exclusively and entirely.

    I have always wondered why men seem to, on the one hand, take a kind of pride in living the promiscuous life almost as it is expected of them, but then completely get as you say "sick to their stomachs" about being cheated on. I have also noticed, although this is a bit of generalization, that women seem to forgive infedelity more, perhaps more than men would forgive. I read a theory once (perhaps a bit outlandish, iono) of this kind of male insecurity stemming from how males never really know for sure if their offspring is really their own, whereas women do.

    I guess what I mean is, women are becoming something different/they are assuming a new realtionship to their sexuality in many cases in the modern day and a lot of the older ways, (the chaste woman) etc does not perhaps hold as much meaning as it once did. I think men who see this new woman approaching are a bit intimidated by this, because the older line of thinking/acting in regards to women and sexuality was much more easier to benefit from, exploit (if you were a man). Hope this makes sense.

    I agree, sex is just the same as any other sensual act that gives us pleasure - we have made it into something else (a moral issue) along with conventions such as religion which have made it, well, the quote in my sig is related to this very point. We have been, embarrased and ashamed and why? One of my favourite poets Rilke had a big issue with Christianity and that was how it attached sin to the very place where life reknews itself and he saw this as a very damaging idea from which we are still feeling the ripples today.

    had to laugh here at the unnecessary necessariness.
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  6. DaAlmightyDolla

    DaAlmightyDolla Greatness

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    i bet if both of u 2 get married it would last at least 10 years
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  7. mr madness

    mr madness Silly Bitch Say Whaaaaaat

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    Aiiight , I think I may be able to speak on this one. Basically, we ain't shit. It's our nature, it's the way our mind is programmed. So if we find somebody that we actually care about somebody enough that we will change our basic nature for, then we don't expect them to do the dumb shit that we've done. We actually hold women up to a higher standard than we do ourselves because we know that basically, we are creatures of impulse. So if we can keep from doing it, yall damn well better have.

    We have the same type of feelings and emotions that yall have, it's just we been trained since little to think that that shit is soft or not respectable, so we don't deal with our shit or express our shit as well as women do. So for something to hurt us or fuck wit us, it's like twice as hard as women take the shit, because they been taught to be all emotional and shit and we been told that shit ain't it, and when we do get all emotional type and get hurt, it basically make us feel like we shouldn't have even wasted our time and shit in the first place.
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  8. MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN

    MiSt_Of_CoNfUsIoN Ray of Sunshine

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    lol.. I'm not laughing at you, but more at the way that you phrased things. It all makes perfect sense just uhhh.. in "guy talk" its pretty funny.
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  9. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    I agree… a lot of people aren’t going to be open to it b/c they don’t come from a social background that promotes polyamorous love. Not openly, anyway. We live in a society that promotes one thing (monogamy), and CLEARLY does another thing behind closed doors. (Senator Edwards anyone?)

    I don’t believe most people are wired for monogamy… we make the choice to [try or pretend to] be. But there are polygamous societies/communities that thrive. So, it is possible. You just have to have the mind and the conditioning to live that way.

    But, admittedly, even I am not there, yet. But… knowing me… I think its something I would seriously consider in the future. I’m still too selfish right now, though. And I’m barely learning how to make it work with ONE partner… that’s all I can handle right now.


    You said it exactly right: selfishness. We want our partners all to ourselves. Not just their love, but their bodies, too.

    With open marriages and swinging… the idea is to be free to get sexual gratification with others outside of your primary relationship… but not necessarily to build intimate relationships. No division of love. Just sex.

    Do you think its possible to love more than one person at once?


    I think Mr Madness explained it pretty well (up there ^^^), in terms of the way a lot of men and women see it (men aren’t expected to be monogamous, women are… even though studies show that women cheat just about as much as men do… soooo…there goes that theory. But that would explain why women are expected to accept their mates’ infidelity and men aren’t.. ???). I’ll respond to him in a bit.

    But his explanation still doesn’t explain the animosity and contempt men seem to hold towards “promiscuous” women… even women they have no interested in pursuing for serious relationships. Like strippers and Prostitutes (as an extreme example). Or women whom they just engage in casual sex. The way they speak of and treat those women... its like they’re the most wretched beings on the face of the earth. I don’t understand where that comes from. You want your woman to be chaste… or pure… or whatever. Cool… understand that. But why do you also have a problem with women… who you don’t want as your own woman… who aren’t that way? If every woman were the embodiment of purity (only “gave” herself to the man she married), then whom would any of you non-monogamous men get to have fun with? Who would you “sew your oats” with, before you settled down with that perfect, pure one?

    Like I said… I don’t understand why men aren’t nicer to “hoes” (aka women who have casual sex)… lol. They serve a purpose, too.

    And I heard the same theory, as far as men and their offspring. I believe thats where the conception of distinguishing "legitimate" vs "illegitimate" children came into play... the passing on of property was only granted to "legitimate" children (born within marriage), b/c the legitimate kids were the only ones the father believed he could be sure were his biologial children. But... now... we have DNA testing and such, so thats pretty much moot.


    Perfect sense. I agree.



    I agree with everything you wrote here 1000%. Only thing I would add is that religion has also made monogamy a moral issue, too… which ties in to the first part of my response, as far as many folks not being socially conditioned to accept polyamorous relationships. Certain cultures and religions do, though. So, again, it is possible and not all that outlandish or impossible.



    You know you got a good visual, too… lol!!
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  10. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    You didn't hear the news? Brit and I got married on Valentines Day...

    [​IMG]

    We're registered at Bloomingdales... go get us a gift!
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  11. lawl^

    I'm going to be out of town for a couple of days but I shall respond when I return.
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  12. I tend to think we are not wired for monogamy also, and have found the whole situation to be quite restricting of the individual at times. In magazines, for example, you always read about people pushing the idea about keeping relationships fresh as being a very important factor otherwise face burnout. It suprises me sometimes that this is always seen as a relationship fix yet not nobody seems to question the model itself as being the problem and that we just thrive on variety and new experience.

    I understand what you mean by not being able to handle it. It's quite a radical view and I think most people would see it that way. Most people would take your decision to be polygamous as justification for being weak and wanting to stray. Not to mention a partner would most likely take it deeply personal. "Aren't I enough for you?" springs to mind, and you can kind of understand the logic.

    I think monogamy frustrates me because I see it as sacrificing the self to a certain degree. Now, that may sound a little dramatic, but the things that wear me down when it comes to monogamy are the routines we slip into, the ways of habit, and how it tends to encourage us not to seek out new experience, largely because we do not wish to hurt feelings and say what we really feel which is that we need new experience outside of them, and we even need new people who may threaten the relationship.

    I agree, that is one of the reasons, but I wonder whether the new sexual unions would in alot of cases automatically forge intimate relationships. Simply put: Someone is getting left out.


    Yes, I do.

    I agree, and this is a big reason why I have feminist views. I just do not think it is right at all that this glaring double standard exists when it comes to sexuality. I think it is wrong to treat a woman like an object, belittle her for being a "whore" when you will happily let her be "your whore" and then say she is not worthy of being your wife.

    Yes, I agree; religion does make sex and monogamy a moral issue and I think while there is some responsbility to sexuality that we have to account for, it's not fair to have muddied all the channels of sex so now we have a weird and warped relationship towards it in many cases.

    Oh, and I just wanted to to say in regards to monogamy that I feel it is a good (perhaps the best) environment for children.
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  13. HOLLOW 55

    HOLLOW 55 You niggas cant trap here

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    Why can't you just fuck when you're ready?


    The "time frame" method is stupid.
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  14. Knowledge

    Knowledge Guest

    There's a lot of hormones in this thread... me skeerd...
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  15. tight-eyes

    tight-eyes Such a F*cking Lady!

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    Brit, I'll be back to reply to you in the next few days... I's a busy girl right now!
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  16. Sakim Aerias

    Sakim Aerias Sunset Cradling Prince

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    The whole time frame thing to me sounds like an excuse or a cop out to avoid what they clearly want now then from what they want when the "time is right" I don't like that phrase when the time is right...just say your not ready right now.

    To love more than one person sounds like a sucker thing to me
    because your love for the previous person has to be less than it is for that person to love someone else.

    Are You Serious? loving more than one person is a slap in the face.
    Regardless of the situation.

    Thats sucka shit if you can't love your mate to a certain extent
    drop them cuz in the future when they sense it...Your done.
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  17. its all good
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