Kind of a Dilemma (or two)

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by *Deuce Wilde*, Feb 6, 2007.

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  1. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    Alright i decided to post this hear cuz this forum tends to give better advice then Man Enough lol, and i apologize if this is a bit lengthy.

    So anyways, me and this girl have been dating almost 11 months now, i'm 18 and a freshman in college, she's almost 16 and a sophomore in high school (i know i know...shame on me lol). anyways, we've gone thru everything, every obstacle, from her cheating early on, giving up relations with some bad-influence friends, no longer drinking, petty breakups, family issues (my mom hates her, and i don't think i have any friends that agree with me being with her, they just don't think she's right for me, and her mom hates me one day and loves me the next idk, also she's got a really dysfunctional family). well there's more to it then that but i don't think the rest of the stuff is necessary, but strangely enough we met on myspace, talked on the phone, and become "a couple" the second day we actually hung out and person and we were saying we loved each other within probably the first week lol. and i really do love her, and i know she loves me, but it just seems like lately everything she does annoys me...a lot. and i feel she's become too dependent on me (she has very low self confidence and always needs me to re-affirm her and stuff, no more then a single day has passed during these whole 10 and a half months where she hasn't asked a question along the lines of 'are your feelings changing?' or somethin to do with worrying about the relationship). but anyways, lately it just feels like i don't want to be with her to the same extent as in the past or how much she wants to be with me, of course i still care for her, it's just this dating thing i'm unsure of. so the jist of this whole paragraph basically is, i've been contemplating breaking up, but that's a sticky situation. i know the first thing she'll do if i do will be to go get fuckin hammered and fuck any old guy to try and get over it. another thing that concerns me is she suffers from anxiety and depression (recently it's been a bit extreme) and she used to cut her wrists and told me the last few days she had thought about doing that. like, idk... i care about this girl so much, but i just don't know if i want to deal with all this in the relationship anymore, but at the same time i don't want to see her do that shit to herself as a result of me ending it.

    Now, the situation gets a little more interesting, cuz there's this chick in my philosophy class. she's 19, sophomore in college, quite attractive (not that that's a focal point of my interest but lol) and from what i can tell so far she's got a great personality. needless to say i've got an interest in her that i haven't had in a girl in a while, my only knock on her is that she seems to be a bit of a party girl, and i'm mainly concerned with the baggage that comes along with that. but anyways, i'm trying to determine (as best i can) how she feels about me, like we talk in class, talked on facebook a lil (over the weekend, gotta get her # still lol), and it seems like she flirts with me, she was telling me i looked like a certain actor and need to see such and such movies he was in. yadda yadda yadda. so today she had a story she said she was gonna tell me (turns out it was about her failed quest for a working tampon machine) but beforehand she was like "well i know you've got a girlfriend so you'll be used to this sort of thing"... and i'm not really sure how to take that, cuz idk, that comment kinda, yeah i don't know hah she just seemed a lil more stand-offish then usual prior to that. but then after class, she walked with me all the way to my next class, talkin n shit, when usually she bounces out right away in a different direction. so it's a lot of mixed signals and shit...

    actually, i don't know why i'm posting all this on here, it's kinda weird, cuz i don't know what anyone can really say about all this, i think i just needed a way to get my feelings and thoughts together or somethin lol, but if anyone has any comments advice or anything then hey feel free... i apologize if this shit is just a bunch of rambling, i bet it is, i probably shouldn't have done this at 3 AM lol, i think i'm going to get some sleep now...
    test
  2. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    oh but actually i do think i know why i posted, for tips about what to do concerning my first paragraph of rambling?
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  3. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

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    I think at least some of the issues you are feeling with your girlfriend are age related. At 16, she would be needy and worried about the state of your relationship. Especially you being in college. I been there, dating a college guy while I was in HS. And 16 year old girls have esteem problems anyway.

    Now, I have felt like this with my husband. We have been together 10 years, married since Oct 2005. He is 8 years older than me and I was back in school to get my BS is psychology. I met alot of pretty nice guys. I wanted to be part of the college life, even tho I was a little oldre than the average student. I really wanted to break up with him but was afraid to. Breaking up causes all sorts of bull shit and my family loved him and he was working for my dad so there were issues and we had been together for a few years, etc. Obviously I didn't break up with him. I graduated and sunk back into life and although you will find posts of my bitching about him, we are great together. Although every now and then I wish for a little something on the side...lol if I had the nerve, maybe lol, j/k (maybe) What this has to do with you...no clue...just wated you to know you arn't alone :)

    I hate giving actual advise. I like to let people figure it out on their own. This is always easier to do in person...but..11 months is not a long time...your age is showing and will show even more as you mature because of college...not to mention all the other reasons, family, friends ect. why this isn't the hottest relationship in the world.

    It sounds to me like the only reason you are staying with her is because you are afraid she will hurt herself somehow. If you do break it off with her I'd suggest talking to either her mom or a counsler...maybe there is a counsler at her school she trusts that you can talk to. Explain your fears about breaking up with her and why and they might be able to help her through it. You shouldn't feel trapped in a relationship like this.

    RE: the college girl... If she knows your in a relationship, she may be holding herself back but still trying to let you know she is interested which is why you are getting mixed signals..OR...she knows you are in a relationship so you are a safe male to hang with and flirt with and once you are available she'll stop :-/ Some chicks, and guys too, are like that. They like flirting with people who are off limits. I'm the opposite, I like to flirt even tho I'm off limits...yeah, I'm a bitch.

    When it comes down to it tho. I don't think you should break up with the first chick simply because the second one is making eyes at you. I mean, don't base your decision on an outside force. The reason for staying or breaking up should be because of you and her. You don't want to be with her because you've grown apart, than break up. You don't want to be with her 'cause there is hotter ass next door...maybe you should rethink before you make a mistake and end up alone...then again, you are only 18, there will be more girls.
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  4. Mr ExZ

    Mr ExZ evolved

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    "18 or older let anotha man mold her"

    why u wanna get caught up with hs drama when u dont hafto?

    and MORE importantly.. i myself would never stay with neone who cheated on me EVER i dont give a fuck who she is

    but your sayin she almost 16.. meaning she 15.. you said early on in ur realtionship she cheated.. so theirs a good chance she was 14..

    u were 17 n got cheated on by a 14 year old n u stayd with her??

    not tryn to be ignorant.. but get some god damn self respect man
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  5. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    ahh i see what ur saying, the problem there is her relationship with her mom changes every other day. one day it's her mom saying "you're a failure get the fuck out" the next she's trying to butter her up and apologizing and shit. plus her mom's opinion on me changes all the time and that would be added drama. and i don't think there's a counselor or anyone she can go to, like the only people she trusts are me and one of her friends. i don't know about going to that girl tho...


    ahh yeah i see what ur saying... i wouldn't be breaking up with the first one because of the second one, well maybe if i knew the second one was genuinely interested and i felt a good connection or w/e with her... but right now it's just a little interest for me... but hmmm guess i got some thinking to do. thank you for taking the time to read all that and respond


    and Xz... yeah i don't know, she was 15 when she did it, or i think 2 days before then, and since it was early in the relationship i let it slide, dunno why, just wanted to see what could happen b/w me and her i guess... i don't know
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  6. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

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    Good luck, if you need to vent some more feel free to PM me...
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  7. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    i did it, i broke up with her... she's on her way to get her stuff, i have a feeling that's going to be extremely awkward
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  8. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

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    So, I'm curious, how'd it go?
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  9. Gorilla Nasty

    Gorilla Nasty I'm lame TBH

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    Cha-ching
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  10. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    well, she flipped out at first, said she didn't want anything to do with me and wished she had the chance to hurt me instead of me hurting her, but she's come to terms with it now and realized that it is for the better, and now we're talking and she's saying she doesn't want to lose her boyfriend AND her bestfriend so she still wants to be friends. i'll admit it's weird being single, gonna have to get back in the swing of things haha, but yeah
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  11. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

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    Good for you, and her. Glad to hear she is taking it well. I would guess, in a way, its a bit of a relief to her too. She is 15 and not at all ready for the type of relationship you are. She will appreciate her freedom. Its nice you two are staying friends. You care about her and can help her stay in line. I am happy for you both :)
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  12. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    yeah, she spent the night last night (didn't want to ride 30 minutes back to her friends house with her friend driving drunk and she was in the area for a party) and said things about wanting to get back together and i told her that that wasn't the best decision and that it wasn't happening. well we ended up fuckin twice lol, but we've come to the understanding that it's a 'friends with benefits' thing cuz she said she'd want that... it was weird
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  13. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    and i don't see anything poppin off with the girl from my class anymore, she's been standoff-ish as hell lately and was flirtin with some other dude all class on friday, but fuck her lol, plenty of other girls here haha
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  14. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

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    I hade a feeling from what you wrote about that chick in your class that that was gonna happen. And we wonder why men say they can't understand us :-/

    No comment on the friends with benefits thing LOL Just be careful.
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  15. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    haha yeah i know lol...
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  16. -GZ-

    -GZ- Posts Unfunny Pics

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    damn.


    but yea, leave high school girls to high school guys.


    its hard enough out here for high school-aged pimps as it is
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  17. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    hahahahahaha, word lmao
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  18. hook

    hook New Member

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    True true..
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  19. *Deuce Wilde*

    *Deuce Wilde* aka stfu dave

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    some interesting (kinda) developments with the chick from class today...

    so the whole time during class, i was just quiet, didn't say nothing to her, or anyone, cuz i pulled an all-nighter, only thing she said to me was "you're late" and i was just like yeah lol.

    so anyways, this dude next to me, weird guy. he passes her a note askin her v-day plans. and i mean, the paper is goin right by me so i see what it says pretty easy basically, and she says somethin about doin shit with her girls. then he's all askin how pissed would they be if she broke the plans to do somethin with him or somethin like that, and she's sayin probably pretty pissed cuz they plan this every year blah blah blah, i was just laughin to myself at how hard dude was tryin. anyways, later on in class the dude next to her starts chattin her up, askin about valentine's day, all this shit, again i'm just tryin to stay awake and remainin silent. so when class is over i get up and start walkin out, chick like catches up to me and shit, was kinda surprised. and she followed me all the way to my next class again talkin to me. she asked about my weekend and i told her part of the shit about my ex comin over and shit. and yeah then we started talkin about other shit... but then a lil later, after the discussion had been derailed she was like, so what happened with ur ex or whatever? and i was like ehh i dunno it was just weird cuz she was sayin stuff about gettin back together but i was like nahh, and then she was like Oooh and she was sayin how when she was posting on my wall on facebook she saw my girl post somethin sayin "Baby i love you!!" so she thought we were deep in love and all that, but she's like but i guess not. and then i had to go into class but hmmmm i was at the point where i was just gonna shrug this chick off and move on to the next but then this happened haha, dunno what to think tho, sorry for this being so long hah
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  20. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

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    LOL I think I followed that LOL

    So she thought you were taken, hmmm, well maybe YOU should ask her out...if you still interested. At least you know she's a good girl and didn't want to mess with another woman's man.
    test
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