"Jasmine" (first timer, would appreciate feedback)

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Babble, Aug 8, 2011.

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  1. Babble

    Babble Shine on Hypno

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    I walked by fences wild with jasmine vines.
    The fragrance was so fertile,
    but I can barely see what lies on the other side.
    The gaps between the pedals
    make me think of a beauty worth nothing
    or something that needs to be hidden.
    • Hot Thread Hot Thread x 1
    test
  2. Thrilla-Ali

    Thrilla-Ali Dapper Don

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    Sounds like someone your crushin on has something to hide.. good work thumbs up
    test
  3. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    nice imagery
    test
  4. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    This was a good start but needs more...
    test
  5. Thrilla-Ali

    Thrilla-Ali Dapper Don

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    I read it again, and it sounds more like your unsure about the future with someone your seeing.
    test
  6. dlbiininja

    dlbiininja The Hip Hop Poet.

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    Good piece Babble- good start as well. And let's see more.
    test
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