Is this wrong or right???

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Ra Ill, Nov 29, 2010.

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  1. Ra Ill

    Ra Ill New Member

    May 16, 2003
    i come across the land of poor and im trying to fuckin score,
    but my life goal cant be acheieved im cursed as long as i breathe more..
    just lookin for my on way, but i got all these mental probs that sway,
    and skitzo plus bi polar and depression keeps lifes struggle in my day..
    i drink and smoke, but trying to think then i cant cope,
    im looking at life being 100 grand but i can only afford the candy though..
    i feel down all the time, but all i can do is put it down in a rhyme,
    sometimes i wish i had a gun and and id be fine cuz i could blow my mind..
    and today im just going through it, i inhaled the weed but with life i blew it,
    im trying to speak fluent, i was in speech in school & cant talk threw this..
    i know im so basic, but i look in the mirror and nod cuz i cant face it,
    just asking God why cant i feel like normal.. just erase the clinched fist..
    so distant, and im trying not to be resistant, im just a cartoon another misfit,
    got three kids and right now all i can do is be seen in a pictures distance..
    i just hope they dont be like me, shit my directors like spike lee,
    im a boxer fighting the worlds punching bag like im useing my teeth for biteing..
    im tired of all the drama i caused and then its like im just tired of being
    nah fuck that im just tired of lifes miserys..
  2. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

    Mar 10, 2004
    I like this one.. good imagery. i feel the pain. nicely done
  3. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Jun 19, 2009
    Honesty is poetry, good job for putting yourself out there. Flow was surprisingly decent, I was not expecting it.

    you could get by with more word economy however.

    keep your chin up
  4. New Member

    Dec 23, 1999
    yes lots of pain in this. great job
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