Intolerance

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Ace the Prophet, Jul 14, 2011.

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  1. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Man....even though this section has been dead has fuck for months I'm still postin this up...had it on another site and got good responses from everyone...I promise you've never seen a rap like this, lol...I'm ready for your hate, Chase..lol

    Had the beat to Keisha's Song by Kendrick Lamar in my head when I wrote this...currently seeing if a band I know might want to make a live beat similar to it and perform the chorus and a 3rd verse to it and all..here's the youtube and my song:

    [youtube]tEIY0uENivk[/youtube]

    Here I go

    He said he never meant it but never meant nothin’ more
    Said no one in his past was relevant anymore
    Said in his whole life he never had been as scorned
    Said they were quick to judge but never had been adjourned
    He never could admit it, he just figured he was cursed
    By believin’ all the lies he’s listenin’ to in church
    The kind of man he is they say is sinnin’ at its worst
    And the way they treat him now is like kickin’ him in dirt
    His boyfriend promises that life is gettin’ better
    His pain is just intolerance, the time for that is never
    But his family abandoned him and left him all alone
    They can’t even answer him when he’s callin’ em on the phone!
    He said that there’s a reason nobody could care he’s breathin’
    And left ‘em with a message to let ‘em know he was leavin’
    Put it live on the net so everybody could see him
    And then all he said was “Intolerance is the reason”
    Then (Gunshot)

    [Insert meaningful alternative singing yet dope sounding chorus]

    He said he never meant it but never meant nothin’ more
    Said the color of his skin never had been as pure
    They tried to tell him now they let him know he was warned
    Said he was quick to judge but never had been adjourned
    He tried to tell ‘em off with his confederate flag
    And a burnin’ white cross, said “Nothin’s better than that!”
    Lived by the motto of “You’re dead if you’re black”
    Said he thought his daddy told their ass to never come back!
    He told them how their relatives were hangin’ from the trees
    And the klan was tellin’ him, “You can hate ‘em as you please”
    Right then they tied him up and took him to the grave
    Of their great grandparent who had made it as a slave
    They told him there’s a reason nobody would care he’s leavin’
    Said his chains were nothin’ and this here would make ‘em even
    Aimed right at him, then started to pull their triggers
    As he started to yell, “You dirty motherfuckin’”
    (Gunshot)

    [Insert meaningful alternative singing yet dope sounding chorus…again]

    Intolerance...to hell with it
    • Hot Thread Hot Thread x 1
    test
  2. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    lol @ 64 people peeping this with NOTHING to say. Come on, RM
    test
  3. Maduras

    Maduras New Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2011
    Messages:
    41
    ^^
    I hate that shit man, but I'll try to make up for it, i'll give you a full run down of what I think.

    Opener:
    He said he never meant it but never meant nothin’ more
    Said no one in his past was relevant anymore
    Said in his whole life he never had been as scorned
    Said they were quick to judge but never had been adjourned

    Pretty solid opening lines, pretty good word play with the judge/adjorned combo.

    He never could admit it, he just figured he was cursed
    By believin’ all the lies he’s listenin’ to in church
    The kind of man he is they say is sinnin’ at its worst
    And the way they treat him now is like kickin’ him in dirt

    Always true, religion is the downfall of so many, it teaches us things that are impossible to follow, pretty deep stuff.

    His boyfriend promises that life is gettin’ better
    His pain is just intolerance, the time for that is never
    But his family abandoned him and left him all alone
    They can’t even answer him when he’s callin’ em on the phone!

    Not what I was expecting from this piece at all, but that's a really deep line. I can't even imagine being abandoned by my family because of sexual preference.

    He said that there’s a reason nobody could care he’s breathin’
    And left ‘em with a message to let ‘em know he was leavin’
    Put it live on the net so everybody could see him
    And then all he said was “Intolerance is the reason”
    Then (Gunshot)

    Shit man, such a short verse, yet it was extremely powerful and well worded. The concept is terribly sad, but something that's definitely a reality in the world.


    Second Verse:
    He said he never meant it but never meant nothin’ more
    Said the color of his skin never had been as pure
    They tried to tell him now they let him know he was warned
    Said he was quick to judge but never had been adjourned

    Clever refference to the first verse, solid opening line, nice foreshadowing towards the rest of the verse.

    He tried to tell ‘em off with his confederate flag
    And a burnin’ white cross, said “Nothin’s better than that!”
    Lived by the motto of “You’re dead if you’re black”
    Said he thought his daddy told their ass to never come back!

    Fuck intolerence.

    He told them how their relatives were hangin’ from the trees
    And the klan was tellin’ him, “You can hate ‘em as you please”
    Right then they tied him up and took him to the grave
    Of their great grandparent who had made it as a slave
    They told him there’s a reason nobody would care he’s leavin’
    Said his chains were nothin’ and this here would make ‘em even
    Aimed right at him, then started to pull their triggers
    As he started to yell, “You dirty motherfuckin’”
    (Gunshot)

    Disgusting, but people are always going to hate one another. It's awful. You captured a lot of emotions in this piece, it was really well written, i enjoyed it a lot.

    Fuck intolerance.
    test
  4. NOBLE SOLDIER

    NOBLE SOLDIER Fireball Kid

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 1999
    Messages:
    70,900
    U know i love everything u write.. been awhile since i've been here.. some heavy hitters back..
    test
  5. Ace the Prophet

    Ace the Prophet A Prophet to the Game

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2005
    Messages:
    4,343
    Uppin....that band i know is gonna record this with me so be on the look out for that sometime soon
    test
  6. dsp2k5

    dsp2k5 Dime Sack Pimp

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2005
    Messages:
    4,201
    nice homie
    test
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