Inherited Scars

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by TopicalSolution, Feb 6, 2011.

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  1. TopicalSolution

    TopicalSolution Devoid of Demeanor

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    Feb 4, 2011
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    We are not good
    men. We are the men
    our fathers
    made us. The dread
    and guilt
    of wars they waged
    against men, to who
    they too were
    slaves.
    Around our wrists
    we wear their chains.
    Our necks - their
    collars forged
    by generations,
    our skin is branded
    with their names.
    And I for one,
    won't have it.
    I will not wear their
    shame.
    test
  2. Mikaella Ocean

    Mikaella Ocean Well-Known Member

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    good for you
    test
  3. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

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    Nice, concept!

    You could have explored this more, fattened up your bars and developed more into it. But as it stands, what a nice read.
    test
  4. mishalaneous

    mishalaneous New Member

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    Feb 25, 2011
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    I enjoyed this :)
    test
  5. ScimonomicS

    ScimonomicS New Member

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    what is this poem saying that hasn't been said countless times before? I appreciate the emotional rawness and power of this poem but the concept is terribly underdeveloped. go outside the box on this one.
    test
  6. JonnyEss

    JonnyEss New Member

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    Mar 22, 2011
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    I enjoyed the 'clenched fist' feeling I was getting. The message is a message that will be repeated as the present continues to progress into the future. There are times where I do enjoy reading things with a shorter amount of words that I'm normally reading. It also gave me the opportunity to read it multiple times. I think that expanding more would probably not take anything away from the piece and give you more of a chance to really differentiate how you perceive the message you're sending from others. I still very much enjoyed the read, thank you.
    test
  7. D. MonEy25

    D. MonEy25 Gifted With The Words

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    This was an excellent short piece. Your massage was conveyed vividly.
    test
  8. SIZZLA

    SIZZLA New Member

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    so tight... loved it. it rolled so well... such emotion. clear and to the point. i like reading poems like this somtimes... they dont demand for you to think much, cause they tell it all with such ease... nice.
    test
  9. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    are you ashamed of your ancestor slave owners? You need to accept that shit with pride man!
    test
  10. SIZZLA

    SIZZLA New Member

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    7,907

    grasshoppa... shame is the road to embetterment. when you know better, you do better. the realization that you could do beter under any and all circumstances is vital to ones own growth and the evolution of all of mankind. quilt is needed. if not, it would not be in existance. it serves a purpose... if you let it.
    test
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