I'm being convicted for loving Jesus

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by mr.rip, Feb 28, 2010.

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  1. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    I'm being convicted for loving Jesus

    I'm being convicted for loving Jesus

    I’m being convicted for loving Jesus
    And I’m guilty as charged

    Lock me up
    And throw away the keys
    Because I know
    My Jesus loves me

    I’m being convicted for loving Jesus
    And I’m guilty as charged

    I’m being convicted for getting the Holy Ghost

    I’m being convicted for getting the Holy Ghost

    I’m being convicted for getting the Holy Ghost
    And I’m guilty as charged

    Lock me up
    And throw away the key
    Because I know
    My Jesus loves me

    I’m being convicted for getting the Holy Ghost
    And I’m guilty as charged

    I’m being convicted for being baptized

    I’m being convicted for being baptized

    I’m being convicted for being baptized
    And I’m guilty as charged

    Lock me up
    And throw away the key
    Because I know
    My Jesus loves me

    I’m being convicted for being baptized
    And I’m guilty as charged
    test
  2. anonyMISSme

    anonyMISSme New Member

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    uhm, i like the whole concept of this poem.. i like it all, i just dont like the ending.. regardless any reader who can relate will be hit by this poem..
    test
  3. PR STATUS GFU

    PR STATUS GFU Under The Influence

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    i'm feeling this
    test
  4. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    thanks guys i hope you both get what you deserve one day if Gods willing to let you have what you heart desires with in reason. thanks for your reply's
    test
  5. Shadow

    Shadow Kotaro's Master

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    Hmm i don't like the repetition of the "I'm being convicted for loving Jesus" thing, like i said in a previous poem of yours. it's a bit much. I loved the concept though but i think you should add a bit more detail to this. Its really vague and i understand that sometimes that is good but i think with this kinda thing, you want to paint a good picture for the readers. Good stuff tho
    test
  6. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    thank you shadow this is another song that i made for my daughter. what you see over and over again is like the old school gosple. 3 times then a verse or 2 comes in.
    test
  7. Spitblaze

    Spitblaze New Member

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    you awesome writer well written
    test
  8. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    thank you spit i put my heart in all my work thank you fam.
    test
  9. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    appreciate the compassion, but aesthetically, this poem was lacking in all aspects.

    revise and try to focus on not repeating so much, perhaps try a more challenging syntax, and just overall think more about how you want to convey what you want to say.
    test
  10. BLACKANGEL

    BLACKANGEL Angelic Professor

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    Hey rip... I have to agree with ShadowWarriorfs the repetition was a bit much for me... If maybe you save it for the ending... maybe building up to it... it wouldnt seem so overwhelming... but as always i know this was from the heart
    test
  11. lyricalpriest

    lyricalpriest Rap Games Dawson Creek

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    i was kinda disappointed i seen the title and expected more, now im not discrediting where the poem comes from (ur heart) it was just, not what i expected, and then at the end to read ur sig. go fuck urself i really couldn't believe u wrote a pure poem as that but still serve two gods! WELL I CANT JUDGE its ur walk! only comment.....
    (this is my 1000 post)
    i chose u to use my 1000post on.. bc of the title of the poem.. i was pretty disappointed..

    i know u have done better tho...

    palmz uph?
    test
  12. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    lol cool B.A. i'll work on i'll just re-write it then tell me what you think
    test
  13. dlbiininja

    dlbiininja The Hip Hop Poet.

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    It's O.k., I guess I was expecting more depth myself out of this poem.
    But, I see you did it for your daughter. And looking forward to that rewrite
    would like to see where you take it. pm me when ya do it.
    test
  14. fairydance2000

    fairydance2000 don't wait, Procrastinate

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    I agree with the others. a little more detail. i understand it would be gr8 as a gosple song.
    But i would like to read it after you have rewritten it.
    Nice work. i will watch for the repost. cheers
    test
  15. ScimonomicS

    ScimonomicS New Member

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    yeah im sorry but this just isn't poetry to me.
    test
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