"If You Knew"

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Pro-deuce, Jun 18, 2003.

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  1. Pro-deuce

    Pro-deuce Guest

    poem dedicated to the girl i love but who doesnt know it, who ive been friends with for 4 years...

    Tender sun warms the surface of the sidewalk
    Puffy clouds dont block the vital rays
    Morning wind picks up a dusty paper
    To begin the streak of summer days
    As i think of you, the memories get clear
    Paint your face in the deepness of my mind
    Touch my heart, no more have i the fear
    For love i seek, but love i may not find
    Fifteen, but playing spin the bottle
    Oh, how those memories i truly miss
    I have not known as wonderful a joy
    Than your fulfilling careless kiss
    Your lips i crave, and every single part
    Of you, i want i wonder if you'll stay
    Ill give you half of me, half of my heart
    But promise me that you wont run away
    So summer evenings went, they flew across
    As skin on shoulders just kept getting burnt
    I wondered how such great a love
    Could live, while being sadly unreturned

    feel meh
    test
  2. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    sweet piece, you should show it to her
    i'm sure she'll love it

    one luv
    test
  3. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    awwww...this was really nice..i agree you should show it to her..the longing is evident..don't miss out on something great..give it to her:)
    test
  4. Pro-deuce

    Pro-deuce Guest

    hah if it was that simple thx for feedback guyz
    test
  5. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    This had an edge to it. For a piece of it's kind i mean.

    You tried to explore more deeper, tried to come a bit more personal yet without using too many cliches.

    It was sweet, heartfelt - yet also fairly well well written.

    I aint gonna say show it to her. As i dunt (dont) know the situation. But when you feel it right. when you feel it's time, show it to her. maybe face-to-face, maybe through post. Or just do what you feel is right..okay, i'm finished patronising you now....(!!)...

    ..oh yeah, and rounded off very nicely...

    ...resp..
    test
  6. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Read this to her and she may be feeling the same way after that or is already feeling that way. Better to risk everything or to always be holding yourself back from everything you want, na'mean? Nice imagery, nice piece. My blessings..
    test
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