If you ever lost your desire to have sex...

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by Ignorant, Mar 6, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    Yeah, I forgot... people have different vows these days... and everybody's definitions of "husband" and "wife" are different.

    To me, "cheating" is a violation of trust, whether it be sexually, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc... withholding sex voluntarily IS tantamount to cheating and it weakens the bond. Did you make a vow to trust each other and meet each other's needs?

    I don't believe sex is a "bonus," however... winning a million dollars is a bonus... sex is an integral part of any romantic committment, otherwise, it's just a business partnership... as for ED and the such, I already put in a disclaimer for physical problems or deformities... nevertheless, in such cases, therapeutic solutions should be sought...
    test
  2. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Thats why my husband is better than you...I'm sure there are more reasons...

    I know my husband. Like I said, there were other issues...I was trying to remember if we actually did have sex durring that time, and we may have because we took some vacations during that time...I didn't make him do anything, he had choices and he chose to see it through. He could have left at any time. We have a normal sex life now (ok, until the kids came around but I am fixing that 2night) but sex is not the center of our relationship. With or without it we are fine.
    test
  3. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    See, my thing is... if sex is not that important to one spouse and they refuse to do it, why would it be considered cheating if the other spouse were to seek that need elsewhere? I guess what makes it cheating is the spouse not getting permission from the other spouse, not that it should be only reserved for the other spouse (who refuses... so is he/she cheating?)... hmm... howver, if it's a question of permission, then everytime one spouse spends money (an object of trust) without permission, then that spouse is cheating... am I right or am I right? It's simple deductive logic.
    test
  4. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Ok, so what if it isn't that important to both...this is what I been trying to say...It isn't that important so no need to cheat...

    However, to answer your question, I do not call it cheating if you get permission.

    Can't help you with the money thing 'cause we always know what eachother is spending and on what...I think it would depend on how important that is in your relationship...I mean, if money and sex are at the top of the list than yeah, I guess it would be the same thing.
    test
  5. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Husband just informed me, I'm cheating on him with this site :frown:

    LOL Maybe he's right.
    test
  6. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    Then it's not cheating... so it's not important to hubby, either?
    test
  7. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Eh, he is getting a little antsy. We were having a normal sex life for some time now and some freaky fun since I went on a toy buying spree ;-) but when the kids came (January 17th) we just stopped. At first we were having issues keeping the 5 year old in her own bed. Then once we did we were too tired to even think about anything else. Then things started getting back to normal but I got a yeast infection and then my period LOL and then last night I was ready a willing but the kids first wouldn't go to sleep and then at 12:30 one of their toys just meraculously turned itself on...we are having issues with the 8 year old...so that was a bust...I have high hopes for tonight tho LOL...
    test
  8. cyphamasta

    cyphamasta New Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2002
    Messages:
    3,355
    your husband is better than me? come on. i know sex isn't everything, but i'm sure he has gotten horny. there's no way. but now you're saying you may have had sex at that time...


    and what do you mean you didn't make him do anything? if you love someone like he obviously loves you you're just gonna pick up and leave cuz he ain't getting none because of the emotions and feelings he has for you.
    test
  9. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    So for you, is it just about having the time or is it a lack of desire to have sex with HIM? Because with your usage of toys, your drive isn't necessarily in question. Do you think the toys have replaced him? That might be cheating. Have you considered sex therapy? Or ending your use of toys?
    test
  10. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    We use the toys together. Right now the issue was/is time and energy. Back then, I didn't use toys or masterbate at all...my sex drive was dead.

    Sometimes I dont want to have sex with HIM. I went on a toy spree because I was board with him. B4 I got the toy I NEVER had an orgasm with him that satisfied me in any way. We'd finnish and I would be dissapointed. He would get me off first, then climb on and get his. I hated that. Now, i try to add a little bit something extra to the mix. I think we are compatable in most ways but not sexually...can't have it all I guess...
    test
  11. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Well, see, so you made my point for me. He loves me so he ain't gonna mess that up...I'm sure he got horney...we wen't to Vegas, NC, SC, TN, and wherever the hell the Grove Park Inn is (I wouln't recomend that dump BTW). So chances are we had sex 4 times in that 3 years...
    test
  12. cyphamasta

    cyphamasta New Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2002
    Messages:
    3,355
    4x in 3 years? damn. that's sexual neglect.
    test
  13. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    Grove Park Inn is in Asheville, NC... I've been there.

    I think you can love a person and still violate their trust. Nobody's perfect.

    Oh, and 4 times in 3 years??

    Say it with me... SEX THERAPY!!
    test
  14. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Yeah, thats it. Worst x-mas vacation ever. The spa was ok (although the bitch that did my facial pissed me off) but we got club level and it was nothing more than a glorified holiday inn IMO...

    Yes, your right, you can love and still violate trust but my point was that I don't belive Husband did...
    test
  15. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    You said you and your hubby both used the toys... how did he get any benefit? Did he use one of those vaginal cylinder thingys? That seems pointless for a man to do when there's a woman right there.
    test
  16. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    I use it on him...its called a wack off sleve and he loves it. Especially when I lick the tip of his penis while using it on the shaft or suck his balls into my mouth. He loves that...Good for foreplay and gets him off so that when we get to intercourse it takes longer...also we use a vibrator durring sex. Its mostly for me, for clitoral stimulation, but he enjoys it too although I have to turn it on and off 'cause sometimes the vibrations arn't working for him...
    test
  17. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    17,755
    Y'all should explore the sensuality of touch... that could be your pre-pre-foreplay.

    Just sit there and lightly touch one another and asborb the feeling... you can use fingertips, feathers, silk, satin or what have you... whatever feels good on the skin and arouses those nerve endings... then give each other tongue baths... then hit the main course... if you have trouble cummin' then, then something else is off.

    Sex doesn't always have to be genital-based... the whole body can become an erogenous zone... and you can prime yourself for one of those full body orgasms.
    test
  18. sweet_I

    sweet_I New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Messages:
    1,213
    Yeah, I'm one of the women who doesn't orgasm...at least not easily, but thats why we have toys...

    Not down for the touch thing. I mean, we do massage eachother and stuff but, I don't know...I'm more into being man handled than caressed but he ain't the type...
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)