~If Tomorrows Were Yesterdays~

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Mind~$oul, Jun 16, 2003.

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  1. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Messages:
    17,331
    My life echoes in my
    dreams...
    covering my head with my pillow
    tryin to kill the screams...

    roses die each time i look
    at them...
    death has created new ways
    since the day, eve tricked
    adam...

    i write to cushion
    my pain...
    but pain seems to know when i pick up a
    pen, and makes itself
    dormant...
    it finds my heart and
    tortures it...
    i try to keep a smile on my face,
    but if you look in my eyes you can tell i cant
    ignore it...
    my body, i wish i could step inside and
    explore it...
    seek what's killin my spirit and
    control it...

    Today i stepped into a hall of mirrors
    and asked each and every one of me...
    which one was truly
    me...
    they all stared
    and began to cry uncontrollably...
    i started to drown in the
    river of tears that ran
    so endlessly...
    i fought my hardest, to emerge back to the surface
    but my might began to weaken
    me...

    slowly my vision
    started to fade...
    softly fallin to the bottom, with my right arm
    reaching out towards bloodly
    sun rays...

    If tomorrows were yesterdays
    life and suicide, will still be a part of
    my daily contemplate...
    test
  2. chillone

    chillone New Member

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    May 20, 2003
    Messages:
    12
    i write to cushion my pain...but pain seems to know when i pick up a pen..

    Nice... the whole speaks to me...

    one-
    test
  3. Infonation

    Infonation Info for the Nation

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2003
    Messages:
    1,016
    "my body, i wish i could step inside and
    explore it...
    seek what's killin my spirit and
    control it..."

    This line was so good. Very real, I think everybody wishes they could control the demons, inside of them.

    "Today i stepped into a hall of mirrors
    and asked each and every one of me...
    which one was truly
    me..."

    This was also one of my favorite lines. I've been throughout the hall of mirrors, in my mind, to find who i really was. This piece was very nice, and spoke on a lot of things, people can relate to. Nice drop.
    ^One
    test
  4. mumblez

    mumblez New Member

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    Sep 20, 2002
    Messages:
    131
    I already told you what I thought of this.

    Nice shit
    test
  5. Nebulaz

    Nebulaz fear God, not man

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2001
    Messages:
    950
    but pain seems to know when i pick up a
    pen, and makes itself
    dormant...
    it finds my heart and
    tortures it...
    i try to keep a smile on my face,
    but if you look in my eyes you can tell i cant
    ignore it...

    very ill son, very good read
    test
  6. Lost Prophet

    Lost Prophet 11/04/2000 - 06/19/2009

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    Nov 4, 2000
    Messages:
    19,999
    yo, this was on point man. Glad you told me about this. I haven't read any of your work in a while. You still got it. Good ish. Peace
    test
  7. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

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    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    feeling it.....one of the best pieces youve written (in my opinion of course) :)

    i liked the second little stanza a lot because im a sucker for garden imagery.....

    its hard to quote lines because everything was so perfect(complete)........but this part really spoke to me
    "but pain seems to know when i pick up a
    pen, and makes itself
    dormant...
    it finds my heart and
    tortures it..."

    great piece boon
    test
  8. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
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    12,678
    Today i stepped into a hall of mirrors
    and asked each and every one of me...
    which one was truly
    me...
    they all stared
    and began to cry uncontrollably...
    i started to drown in the
    river of tears that ran
    so endlessly...
    i fought my hardest, to emerge back to the surface
    but my might began to weaken
    me...

    man....i dunno what to say....that part left me speachless....some of the best lines i've ever read.....seems like you were writting bout me or something...ima have to reply on the poem again....those lines...were incredable...
    test
  9. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

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    May 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,740
    god......the word usage was illness....the format classic and intense...the imagery was jus like dope and as u read it was if i was really there u know?...u go t so much talent....the first stanza didnt hit me but then after that........it was over...i became speechless and it like talked to my soul...no bullshit..lol......but anyways....big ups an d one love to u..........
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    thanks for the love
    uppin one last time
    test
  11. Sun_Flower

    Sun_Flower Bluez By Loves Eye

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2002
    Messages:
    647
    I read this yesterday and now its tomorrow - ^ So sad yet courage stares through those eyes and I say you'll be alright. The level of gain through your pain is strength itself and in time you'll see and fear not this memory that lies dormant in your pain.
    test
  12. Wicked5744

    Wicked5744 Last I awoke, it was morn

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2002
    Messages:
    1,490
    This one was definately killin out. I love the concept and the metaphors and just the whole poem. Best line to me was taken by chillone. You killed out on this one. As the ink flows...
    test
  13. UnknownLady

    UnknownLady Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2001
    Messages:
    818
    You already know that I like this piece right here. It touches me in many ways. Very good. I enjoyed reading this piece. Keep up the good work. You already know that I look for your work so keep them coming. Get at me aight.

    Holla
    test
  14. Atmosphera

    Atmosphera New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Messages:
    77
    As Always Your Poetry Leaves Me Speechless, So Moved By Your Talent & Enticed By Your Reality I Stop And Always Make Sure I Drop A Reply.

    You Are Growing In Writing I See Much Deeper Scripts Coming From You Less Thought Through And More Comfortable With Letting The Pen Do The Work.

    Peace & Harmony
    test
  15. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

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    26,748
    nice...it really spoke to me..liked how it was written as well.
    test
  16. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    ^fuckin sleepers
    test
  17. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    Man shit...I ain't even about to start quotin' shit...The whole fuckin thang was on point. What sticks out about your writing is you make that shit personal, and I can tell you really feel that shit. No half steppin'.
    test
  18. FukkedUPKidR

    FukkedUPKidR Guest

    rosa likes your style of writing :) and i enjoyed the part that feme sole quoted best too..but believe me when i say the whole piece was awesome, good work...tons of emotion..
    test
  19. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    lol thanks augee and rosa
    test
  20. BlackSoultan Ad Infinitum

    BlackSoultan Ad Infinitum aka Billy Shoreview

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    Messages:
    33,123
    I ain't ebm gon' say nothin.
    test
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