I wish

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Spitblaze, Apr 25, 2013.

  1. Spitblaze

    Spitblaze New Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2010
    Messages:
    12
    I wish my home girl made out of bail,
    so I don't have to travel 24hrs see her in Jail.
    I wish the children had to eat,
    I wish nobody over 6 feet.
    I wish the soldiers survived,
    I wish my Dad alive.
    I wish my grandfather wasn't sick,
    So we stack some licks.
    Pray you'll make way,
    I know not easy that's okay cuz your pray.
    test
  2. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    what was the meaning of the last line ?
    test
  3. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2002
    Messages:
    1,151
    okay, so you have some deep feelings but your words dont do them justice in the poem. The poem is shallow - no feelings are explored about these deep thoughts of these people.

    Simple poems can be powerful
    and move your thoughts
    and feelings with ease.

    it felt like you were rushing to rhyme.
    Sometimes the rhyme comes
    after the feeling explodes,
    all in time

    rhyming more naturally.
    It is much easier than it seems.
    test

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