I used to write love poems....

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by ~Eloquent, Feb 8, 2011.

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  1. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    Truth is nearly a decade ago,I was nearly obsessed with writing love poems,and praising and glorifying the unknown state of belonging....
    truth is ill read now and I think i was quite naive,
    kind of like my little brother nine years younger,with his first love
    but he reminded me a lot of myself,
    the way i would pour out my feelings for all to see
    which some accuse of nothin but flowery language thats never capable of becoming reality

    When I was 21,I truly felt crushed from nearly fallin in love a year earlier on only one sighting,
    I would fantasize about somehow seeing her again,
    though we only talked that once and i had no idea to contact her,
    I held my dream inside a secret pocket,
    concealed it and locked it inside my heart,
    knowing the obstacles of life that would keep us forever apart....
    was way more fatalistic but truthfully,makes way more just plain out fuckin sense...
    when I truly reflect on it today
    I remember I met her at a fancy hotel my parents helped finance for the weekend,
    but I was so intrigued by her prescence right then I thought i found exactly what i always wanted,
    i asked her out for later and she hesitated and changed her answer,
    so truth was in 5 minutes everything was lost for an eternity,
    still for a year I would dream of a passionate reunion which of course never occured....

    when i found out she was gone I felt extremely naive and naked for a the very first time...and It felt like it temporarily paralyzed parts of my spine,but never one single part of my mind,and most importantly never my heart either,

    others I fell for friviously throughout the years,
    and i learned through frusterating and exhausting silent tears and smokin as much as possible and digesting beers....truth is to find out the dream of the "story book romance " i always dreamed of had once again expired,it was my worst fear....
    the epidemic of never acheiving any real understanding of love came all too clear....

    fastforward to 2009 when once again it only took one arrow to penetrate my heart's shell and nearly enslave me,towards another ridicolous encore of finding someone else to adore...
    and the facts about them and lots of time with them to be absorbed
    no one could tell me shit once Im like that,not that they tried to inform
    that a long distance dream to the west coast was way out of reach,
    but still she would spend time on facebook talkin with me,
    and reassured my sometimes deflated self esteem....
    and las vegas definitely the city of dreams for any man in his 20's or shit
    well definitely much older
    i saw one pic of her and fell for her so helplessly never thinkin i would ever ever talk with her,let alone ever find out who she was,
    but i found out who she was cuz i saw the listing of the promotion....
    and had so much devotion to approach her,and facebook i finally got her to look into me,
    and we talked
    about possible guest list,but no price was steep enough for her
    crazy enough once again i already felt that deep enough for her....
    so painful days at work meant nothin,keep strutting
    knowing someday i could pursue a true connection
    keep tryin to refresh it
    not thinkin how many others would check that i was that desperate just for one meeting
    it was like the only real thing that could please me,
    if i ever made a trip out their anyways
    still the attraction was fatal
    didnt care about a boyfriend or whatever else that could come into play if...
    i finally couldve acheived the day i was so longly dreamin of an escape of reality

    I hate my job, my dream was to be a poet,to record hip-hop tracks and went to school for computer programming,dropped out in '03 and now I work at wm
    lots of embarrassing moments with such careless expectations put in place lots of times i felt a near disgrace for being associated with such a place in the first place....
    but now i got bills to pay
    to find love out here these days,well i wish i wanted it when i was younger,
    but i did want it when i was younger,
    just so many stages and phases....
    now im back to fatalistic and hoping only to acheive to obtain my musical dreams....
    love in 2011 just dont seem possible
    cuz truth is on face book when i showed her more of my feelings i lost contact with her
    and still wish i could get back in touch.....

    de ja vu





    -hey yall been a while since i really poured it out in a poem so i put a lot in it just whatever came to mind ill definitely come back and read now I kind of used up lots of time with that poem so ill have to check it out late
    test
  2. Predator INC

    Predator INC New Member

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    When I was 21,I truly felt crushed from nearly fallin in love a year earlier on only one sighting,
    I would fantasize about somehow seeing her again,
    though we only talked that once and i had no idea to contact her,
    I held my dream inside a secret pocket,
    concealed it and locked it inside my heart,

    that shit almost made me cry. you have AMAZING vocabulary. publish a book so you can make your dreams escape from the prison of your heart that you've blockaded it in. youll help alot of people with your words.
    test
  3. ScimonomicS

    ScimonomicS New Member

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    i like this and really connect with the underlying sentiment of this piece but it seems a bit prosey and bloated for a poem. i would say either compress it and keep only the images that are truly important to message you are trying to convey or clean up what you have a bit and turn it into a prose piece, which would actually work considering the title.
    test
  4. SAMARA

    SAMARA truth is a sword

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    good drop
    test
  5. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    Dreams Are seeds planted in you by the lord don't give up on them keep writing.
    test
  6. hearstothemute

    hearstothemute New Member

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    i like that you approached a stripped down, direct narrative stance. the only thing is that, in being so stream of conscious there is absolutely nothing to share the attention of your word placement.. so it has to be next to perfect. i just couldn't really get into the piece despite how relatable it is, for just that fact. a lot of the word choice and placement just wasn't up to par. i've read works years ago from you that i loved. so keep writing and i'll keep reading.
    test
  7. ~Eloquent

    ~Eloquent Narcissistic....

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    ohh believe me my number one dream has been to publish some type of writing so thanks so much ive had a lot of one sighting crushes like that where it feels like if i played it at a different time i wouldve got who i wanted thanks all my home computer is down to a virus so ill have to make sure i get back to this library and check all of you out....
    later
    test
  8. the omega man

    the omega man so, it goes

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    this could be an opening to the first chapter of a novel. Doesn't seem much like a poem to me, I see no structure. This is a good opening for a novel though. You should touch it up and keep writing, and build characters and plot around this.
    test
  9. Prophetik1

    Prophetik1 New Member

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    tight drop man
    test
  10. SIZZLA

    SIZZLA New Member

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    this was jus raw...
    test
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