I must be a basterd

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by allnakey, Jan 29, 2011.

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  1. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    In books we read
    its god who speaks,
    blinded our we to the lesson they teach.
    Immune to bleed for His sympothy.
    Crusfying his son for what we seek.
    Better him then me,
    thats how we see.
    Giving a god damn to his relief.
    Saying " fuck you"
    we dont believe your belief.
    And so another day
    lay away as we are to stubborn.
    A bastard now knowing nothing.
    Doing un to others.
    Damning our brother.
    His truths have been covered.
    So next time you tell
    the lord love ya love him
    just think,
    Maybe Mary couldve been your mother.
    test
  2. TopicalSolution

    TopicalSolution Devoid of Demeanor

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    I'm diggin the concept but it falls apart at the little things, mostly grammatical. Couple that stand out are 'it's' instead of 'its' (l2), crucifying spelled incorrectly (l5), don't (l11) and so on. Personally, I find that the little things add up and can really sway a poem whichever way it's meant to be.

    Otherwise though, topically I felt it. Ending was a nice little touch.
    test
  3. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    Yeah thanks man this was actually something I wrote and posted a while back. I'm really to lazy to change anything. I'm going to say this was post 06ish originally
    test
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