I Lie Awake

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Dark_Angel, Jul 26, 2003.

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  1. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    this is again a different style for me, so id appreciate replies....thanks

    Lying awake in the darkness of my room
    Thoughts rush through this tormented head
    Breathing sighs of relief as they escape through my open veins
    They have resided in this mind too long

    I shake as I can feel the cold steal on my skin
    The kiss of the blade is a different kind of love
    To kill you with pain, to love away this hurt
    To escape this insanity through this crimson mud

    It stains my olive skin, like a tear polluted face
    Regrets the next day when you see the disgrace
    I can walk around forever pretending I am invisible
    But as I lie awake, I realize I am the only one sane

    My heart starts to pound as I hear footsteps in the hall
    They would never understand this if they saw
    The temptation of the cold steals call
    To kill the pain through love like never before

    I could justify and debate why I call it love
    Some call it hate and others call it ‘fucked’
    but to me, it is a friend that I can only see
    It never lies to me, it never tortures me
    It just shows what I am supposed to be

    A mess, a wreck, a fallen angel, hell sent
    An innocent girl, just gone a little bent
    But as I lie awake, dreaming for my mind to give in
    To lose the battle for sanity that I’m constantly fighting
    test
  2. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    you did a great job with this new style... its always great to try new way of doing things.

    i like the imagery alot... very nice poem.
    test
  3. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Nicely done, i agree with gemi it's nice tryin new things when it comes to writing. Keep it up

    one luv
    test
  4. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    appreciate that...im just wanna sus out new styles before i settle with one, or with a particular one to work on
    test
  5. 49th Prophet

    49th Prophet Dark Magic Inferno

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    feelin this work..if you settle with this style or not...still showin skill...nice peice
    test
  6. vinous

    vinous New Member

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    really liked this.....bought an original view to a subject that been touched on quite a bit.....but gave it your own voice, and it seemed very fresh. pz.
    test
  7. allnakey

    allnakey Sex is no fun by yourself

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    yea it is always good to try a new style or to put your own take on a particular concept.

    you did a fantastic job in this one, great imagery


    stay up, much love, peace
    test
  8. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    thanks for the replies. it good to know what you think and that you took the time to reply.
    test
  9. Xero Satsujin

    Xero Satsujin OnLy gOd kNoWs oR Goes

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    Sometimes it is nice to get some sleep, so you lying awake wont be so strenous...Nice poem...good stuff...
    test
  10. Judge tha Dacyple

    Judge tha Dacyple Poetic Papi Emcee Señor

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    I agree this was pretty nice. Though it differed in styles throughout. You kept the same line format, but you crossed from rhyming to free form in each stanza. I felt this would have worked a little better had to stuck to free form like the first stanza, but I still enjoyed the read. Just giving an opinion to a fellow writer of the word!:)
    test
  11. shione

    shione New Member

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    i like to change up my style as well.. u dropped a nice pieace. much props
    test
  12. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    thanks for the replies. still working on structure and things just concentrating at the moment on my words....thanks
    test
  13. MzLashay

    MzLashay Livin'

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    this was a diffrent peice but i cant repeat what everyone b4 me has said all i can say is this is a very good peice hope to read more
    test
  14. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    thanks, i'll try to reply to all of urs
    test
  15. iceheart

    iceheart The Frozen Poet

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    that was pretty good - sorry i slept on it before - i liked that last verse the best - it sorta touched my heart a guess you would say lol

    peace
    keepwriting
    iceheart
    test
  16. Jersey_Emcee

    Jersey_Emcee aka LiQuiDliFe

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    yo i really felt this....

    thats all i can say
    test
  17. disciplestylez

    disciplestylez Broken Soul

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    speechless....that was incredible.....

    peace and love
    test
  18. Dark_Angel

    Dark_Angel Dark_Angel

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    wow thankyou! i couldnt hope for better replies to this
    test
  19. misspimp

    misspimp a.k.a KATURAH

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    Regrets the next day when you see the disgrace
    I can walk around forever pretending I am invisible
    But as I lie awake, I realize I am the only one sane



    loved it...and dats all i have to say about that

    mad love
    test
  20. dynasty_bich

    dynasty_bich New Member

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    this is my favorite style to write in, you have definitely done it justice. keep it comein'.
    test
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