how long do you make love to your baby daddy befor you move on with your life .......

Discussion in 'Ladies Lounge' started by mr.rip, Dec 15, 2006.

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  1. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    My kid's father is in prison, and my older son, the one who understands, doesnt feel like he is without a father, and while I have my issues with my baby daddy, my son still goes to see his father for 8 hours EVERY saturday. When he wasnt in prison, We didnt have any set custody or child support or anything but my son saw his father every day. Even when he and I were having major issues, Jason knew he could come and see his son at any time, and he did.

    I was BLESSED with a fucking AWESOME father for my children. He and I did not get along in the end at all, we could not speak one sentence to eachother without a heated all out brawl. But he has always been and will continue to be there for his kids.

    The best thing for every kid is to have both of their parents, the SMART thing for every man & woman is to come down to earth and realize that often times, at certain times, both of you are going to have to sacrifice something. Alot of men end up with just weekends due to work schedules and things like that, the important thing is to make the best of the time that you have. The best interest of the child, is the only thing that should ever matter when you go through a breakup that involves kids.

    Even if the little boy or girl didnt HEAR their father tell their mother that he was going to murder her, or whatever kinds of verbal abuse the father threw that way... dont you think it effects the kid to have their mother be so upset? to see their mother crying?

    In my opinion, you cant be gone for weeks at a time and then suddenly show up because a holiday is coming and demand to see your child. If you want to be there for your kid, be there for your kid, 24/7 whenever they need you, but dont expect for your baby mama to bend over backwards for you to give you what you need when you need it because SHE is not concerend with YOU only about your child... and sometimes, The daddy... Or the Mommy... Just arent what's best.
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  2. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    That's great... I didn't have that.

    Hopefully, he can impart some nugget of wisdom into your child so that he doesn't end up where his father is... but sometimes circumstances can be beyond your control.

    In this day and age, women don't work, too???

    That's no excuse. It sounds like you're trying to make an argument for women being the better custodial parent. I don't buy that. If the child is not in school and needs daycare, the man can provide that just as easily as the woman can.

    What about the father being upset? Tears are cheap.

    Just because the man may not cry doesn't mean the child can't see the pain in his countenance and demeanor, as well. Children are very smart and perceptive. Once again, I can see who's side you're on.

    It's not about sides with me. It's about JOINT custody or children knowing BOTH their parents, no matter how they feel about each other.

    These are extraneous matters that haven't even manifested yet. It sounds like you're speaking from personal experience instead of the issue at hand, so I can't comment on that.

    Just know that because the custodial parent is "there" with the child, doesn't mean that he/she is a present parent.
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  3. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    That's the same shit I said, that children need BOTH there parents.


    You said that you were all for JOINT custody ... Some couples work it out to where the man has custody on the weekends and usually every other holiday AND in the summer ... which is common... that IS joint custody. That's just what specific people work out... Because it doesnt work for you, doesnt mean shit.
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  4. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    No sweetie, that's partial custody or really, just visitation rights... joint custody is EQUALLY shared... 6 months out of the year.

    If not, the woman can visit on those weekends and every other holiday, too.
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  5. are you implying she's guilty, your honour?
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  6. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    Furthermore, JOINT custody would negate the necessity for child support payments, which is going back to my original point.

    BBG, I'm not implying anything... just that there's two sides to every story. He blew up and said something nasty, according to her... now what did she do? Was his act totally unprovoked? Was his statements out of character for him? She said she was verbally abused.... did she also verbally abuse him? Did she threaten to take his child away from him? People snap when it comes to their children.
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  7. You are guilty of the same crime of extrapolation here. None of us really know the full details of this story, and unless we can get her baby daddy here and put him on the stand we will never know. Furthermore, you cant always use the 'two sides to every story defense'. You are giving her half of the responsibility of the situation merely because she was there with him, its akin to saying there is no smoke without fire based on a rumour 0f infidelity.
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  8. Short2003

    Short2003 AbsoluteHotness

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    Yes, people say things they don't mean out of spite or anger all the time, I understand this.. But some people also do uncharcteristic things out of spite and anger.. I know I have but that's a whoooooooole other topic..lol

    If my guy said that to me I would be hesitant, like I said before, do I think he would hurt me or my kids? No.. But do I want to risk it? Nope..
    I wasn't so much speaking for her, i was more speaking as if I was in her situation...I could be the biggest bitch in the world but that wouldn't make what he says as less of a threat IMO, especially if I feel it might be putting my child in danger..

    Now Im going to assume that in this case the man did this continually (assuming since she has a restraining order against him so it was probably not an isolated incident) and lets just say she did put him through some hell but if he is acting emotionally unstable then he shouldn't be able to have the same rights until he gets his mind right.. The same goes for any Mom if she was the one who emotionally unstable..

    Now flip the script...Say, if you had alot of problems with the mother of your baby.. You were a complete asshole to her and she makes threats to hurt you physically and just being a spaz acting out of character for her.. Even though she has posed no threat to your child previously, but still, she is saying some off the wall shit to you.. Wouldn't you be the slightest bit hesitant to send your lil guy off with her for the day? Or would you just excuse her behaviour and chalk it up as "I was being an asshole and that is why she flipped out"..
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  9. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    every other weekend would be like .... 120 days a year ...plus at least 60 days in the summer...and probably about ... 12-15 holidays (if you take them during christmas break winter break sumemr break probably like another 30 days) ... that's like 210...

    with 365 days in a year ... seems like that's JOINT fuckin custody ...
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  10. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    and child SUPPORT is based on what each parent pays ... if the MOTHER pays for insurance, daycare, and pays for clothes, medicine, sports, ect ... then the MAN pays her some kind of money, EVEN IF ITS NOT DIRECTLY ... it's still child support ...
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  11. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    I drew no conclusions... I'm simply asking questions. You took what she said as true. I said, "there's two sides to every story." So how can you automatically believe her side without hearing the man's? And if what she said is true, what about the context? Did he really mean it? What did she say to him? She IS responsible because she's in a relationship with him. She's responsible for her half of the relating. She also chose to be with him intimately and produce a child together.
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  12. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    You're saying nothing... if there are child support payments, then there is no joint custody. He shouldn't have to pay you when he's taking care of the child when he has him/her.
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  13. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    I know what child support is. You're ignoring my point. It's cool, though.


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  14. Bhitiah

    Bhitiah Powerful Scriptures

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    So if your woman called you up and said, hey babe... Jr really wants to play baseball but I just cant afford it, his practices are on tuesdays and games are on thursdays, so you wont have to take him to anything I will but can you help me out and pay for equipment?

    you'd be like nah heffa that's on your time?? lol

    and if you pay...

    that's child support.
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  15. Short2003

    Short2003 AbsoluteHotness

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    I just gotta say thanks to the ppl for keeping this a nice discussion instead of an all out hair pulling, name calling argument.. lol
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  16. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    lmao
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  17. Short2003

    Short2003 AbsoluteHotness

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    It's happened a number of times where we get peeps name calling and disrespecting others, so when we keep it nice I just gotta say something..lol
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  18. Ignorant

    Ignorant Village Idiot

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    ^Too many people don't know how to argue... they get their emotions involved and lose self-control... and some just come to scorn others no matter what.
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  19. mr.rip

    mr.rip New Member

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    i like the way you put shit man
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  20. sagacious infant

    sagacious infant reflecting the sun

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    * You all are the parents of the kids I work with everyday. I've just read a lot of selfish statements - it hardly seems to be about the kids. Some of your children are going to go to school and act out every bit of drama you have brought into their lives and they'll grow into thinking that is the way it is supposed to be.

    * As far as child support - my dad wasn't around much and I'm not too sure if he wanted to be. My mom never took him to court - she'd hound the shit out of him for some cash until he finally gave in. Then she just got tired of hounding him. She put two of us through college almost by herself (thanks grandma, financial aid) so it's not impossible. Sometimes I wonder if all the child support battles are worth it. Then again, I've never been in a mother's position. From a child's perspective as my father's daughter - I would have rathered not asking him for shit. It's strained our relationship to the point where he's just an asshole whenever we speak - so we don't speak anymore.

    * As far as the original post. I gots no babies and no babies' daddy(s) so I can't answer the question. I will say this though - working with young parents...hell even older parents...it's never over until it's over. I've had cases where one parent has gotten arrested and the other fought for custody and tried to put the school in the middle to judge who was a better parent - and by the next week they're all lovey dovey.

    I just hope my mind is right if/when I have children - and hopefully their father's mind is right as well.
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