how do you think you'd do in prison?

Discussion in 'Overtime: Off-Topic Discussion' started by Panda..., Sep 1, 2011.

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  1. Slick Jeronimo

    Slick Jeronimo OTBVA Senator Nominee

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    this is why i said before i would prolly end up in ft leavenworth...

    prior military...
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  2. callmemOta

    callmemOta #PAYDAY

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    I spent 8 months in prison tbh and bout 2 years in juvie prison never once got hit on and the only time I ever saw sum gay shit I was walkin back 2 my cell block and looked in a cell door and saw a black guy rfuckin a a lil whiteboy in the ass. Made me feel sick 2 my stomach
    Biotch! You wish you had a phone like mine...
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  3. DocOctopus

    DocOctopus STFU and Listen

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    if im doing 20 or more years then SHIT NIGGA im fuckin doin as I please cuz if you in there THAT long and you a bitch when you go in imagine being a bitch for 20years gettin punked. lol i got my shit READY ya dig? like i said. rather be the rapist than the rapee.
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  4. heebs907

    heebs907 GS ICEY

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    dococt has a really good point. rapists arent getting raped.

    maybe id find someone smaller than me and be like aight bro.

    ima have to rape you once, ifront of EVERYONE out in the yard. but after then, we just gonna pretend im raping you. that way neither of us gay, nobody gon fuck you cause you my bitch and nobody gonna fuck me because im a mad insane rapist who rapes in the yard tbh.


    speaking of rape, how would lune do in the joint?
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  5. heebs907

    heebs907 GS ICEY

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    maybe thats why these dudes are raping.

    none of them want to get raped.



    im wondering how long these cunts are in there before they start turning gay though.

    if its any less than 15 years? they BEEN gay and got locked up on purpose.
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  6. heebs907

    heebs907 GS ICEY

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    i wonder how a gay guy would feel going to jail.

    (insert a name of a bva poster i dont like)
    except i like all u NH.
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  7. MattLee

    MattLee New Member

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    half of you would be throwing those shit-and-urine bombs everywhere
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  8. DocOctopus

    DocOctopus STFU and Listen

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    shit and urine molatovs in this bitch. and me and some dude would prolly have a system where he pretends to be my bitch cuz if i think right no one messes with happy *faggots* couples. they aint botherin nobody. i couldnt do none of this shit if i was near my state though. cant have stories floating around when i get out.
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  9. Tradish

    Tradish illest alive

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    almost 9o% sure u would share the same rape strategy.

    cuz u know...its gay.
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  10. heebs907

    heebs907 GS ICEY

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    bro, didnt you read my post?

    that was basically my idea.
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  11. BITmafakka

    BITmafakka GS palmin' the m1 garand

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    if you melt down marsbars and throw it in someones face it takes the skin right off with it, just so you know
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  12. ButterMan

    ButterMan New Member

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    Ive spent a total of 6 months behind bars not a real big stretch but long enough to know that prison is shit! Its intimidating at first but once you get settled n know who's safe and who to avoid your alright. for me time dragged in the first 6 weeks and the last 4 the middle was ok and if Id of been in longer I would have got more used to it but everyday all I could think was I wished I was at home with my friends and fam getting toasted and enjoying life not surrounded by a few hundred knuckle heads intent on proving themselves to be the 'ardest. Its a pretty desperate place, I once had a fight with a lad from brum over 3 matches, how petty is that? tom petty! when I got released I set fire to a box of matches in some sort of symbolic ritual to shed me of the petty bullshit that marred my life while in there.

    fuck doin a 20 stretch though: all u can do is read and workout, not much of a life.

    The biggest question is though... why is getting bum raped in US jails seen as the norm while in the Uk its not done at all and frowned on as 'sum gay shit' as it shud be? must be cultural differences or summin.
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  13. AsWeProceed

    AsWeProceed Well-Known Member

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    lol @ all the preventative rapers. how you gon' get hard enough to do it?? you gonna bend a man over and look down at that hairy hole winking up at you like one of stock's brown eyes and still get it up?? hmmm
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  14. LumberJackWhite

    LumberJackWhite New Member

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    For my fellow Brits:

    Say I was going to prison for a month. Could I ask to be put in solitary confinement for the duration and they definitley grant my wish?
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  15. ButterMan

    ButterMan New Member

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    lol its not a hotel and you dont really get a choice or requests, but if you start slashing yourself then theyd send you to the hospital wing or if you for some reason have a lot of people on the wing who want to kill/do serious harm to you theyd send you down solitary.

    or you could double bubble and not pay back and then asked to get sent to the nonces wing, which, apparently in the jail I was at was filled up with people in debt... but fuck doing that, who wants to chill with that type of scum.

    seriously just do your rip, if you are going, fuck slashing up or hiding down the block just go on the wing you'll leave with your pride and feel like you can face situations other civvies cant.

    best piece of advice I was given before going in: dont give no shit dont take no shit.
    If you have a skill i.e art or write lyrics/poetry this can come in handy when you have very little canteen as others are willing to give you bacci or owt to write em a poem or draw a card for there missus.

    people are gonna front, try your best not to show fear.

    my second day in the last place I went was terrifying but thats another story.

    hope that helps
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  16. Bakez0151

    Bakez0151 BANTERRR!

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    plz do tell butterman :)
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  17. LumberJackWhite

    LumberJackWhite New Member

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    I see. I've always said that if I were to go to prison I'd want to be locked away. (homonym?)

    I don't do anything illegal, though. Not exactly gutted about that but it does make your stories a lot more interesting to people like me so, if you're up to it, let us know what horrors you've seen or heard of.
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  18. WWByeye

    WWByeye former White widow

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    @ womens prison here there aint no toilets
    just hole @ floor
    Media is mainly responsible of all shit. Em make documents like "Finnish prisons are paradise" just b4 elections, so that em can cut the money down
    I have a strong doubt paedophiles etc don`t even go to court (1/100) here just cuz prisons are full, and there is no room in s.c. "scared section"
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  19. ButterMan

    ButterMan New Member

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    at the time I had dreadlocks, nice ones not no crusty scummy tings and was picked up by the police for an outstanding warrant. If I had known I was going to nick I would of cut them off. so off I go to jail, losing my job, flat and girlfriend in the process :(. I went to Walton on B wing (induction wing) the lay out is every floor above ground is a balcony style walkway leading to steps at either end, so that each floor can look down to the ground floor. I was on the first floor walkway chatting to someone and next thing I hear is "HEY DREAD" so I popped my head over and seen this mean looking 'G' type guy with 4 mates stood behind him on the ground floor. I asked "whats up?" and he starts ranting about how he wants my weed and that him and his mates (all proper gangster looking types btw) are going to come up to my cell later and kick the fuck out of me shove their hand up my arse and retrieve said weed (which I didnt have). the color dropped from my face and I was fucking terrified but I manage to hold it together enough to say "aint got anythin mate" when 2 more of his boys stand either side of me and he saying "come chat on the stairs the" as Im ushered by his two pals to the staircase, the fear was immense but I can handle pressure pretty well. so on the stairs he shouting at me telling me Im gonna get shanked, smashed in with all his boys threatening me as well, and what you have to consider is I was there alone I didnt now anyone in the jail, Im not soft but I weigh about 12 stone and Im not a ruthless gangster like these guys were. he continued on and on at me in a very intimidating manner of what he was goin to do if he didnt get the weed I didnt have and all I could do, was calmly say, while looking in his eyes "look at my eyes mate, there white. If I had weed theyd be red but I dont, and If I had sum Id share it with you but I dont so..." this luckily did the trick and he left me alone and was sound from that point onwards. I know that sounds pretty lame to sum, but being in that position, no escape and outnumbered I was fucking scared but remaining calm and trying hard to not show fear prevailed.

    I know this is an essay but I have another story. one of the funniest moments Ive had in prison which Ill tell as it came to mind while writing the other.

    I was in stoke heath a young offenders institute in shropshire and my pad mate was this guy from brum. he had a visit on the monday and it was friday so he decided he wanted a haircut. It was about 8pm so everyone was settling down so I set about biccing the guys hair with a razor. his hair was about 2-3 inches long and I was about a 3rd to halfway through when he asks me "what if theres a fire?" now we'd been there for 8 weeks and there hadnt been a fire so I told him to chill and carried on shaving his head. next thing you know smoke starts pouring in from under the door bursts open and a screw is stood there shouting "OUT, INTO THE COURTYARD" (the wings formed a squared in the middle of which is a courtyard). It turns out some muppet had set the cell on fire so were all piled out into the courtyard and he, out of embaressment, pulls the neck of his jumper over his head 'cornholio' style and other prisoners see this as a sign of rebellion and start doing it and then proceed to start smashing up the courtyard and also 'c wing' which is where we were eventually rehoused. a full on riot ensued and it took into the early hours of the morning to quash.
    I laughed so much that weekend hearing him (from another cell) shouting "BOSS, BOSS PLEEEEEEEAAAAASSSEEEEE CAN I HAVE A RAZOR" to which he never got. he looked like a cross between clive anderson and class A mental patient, patches of uneven hair sprouting out all over his head. turns out he had a visit off his missus on the monday and had to go to it looking like the wierdest fucker alive.

    prolly doesnt seem as funny written down but I was howling!
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  20. ButterMan

    ButterMan New Member

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    Id go mad in solitary, the mind needs human interaction or else you start losing it. thats why I feel sorry for the guy who leaked the information to wikileaks. he's been in solitary now for ages and is apparently losing the plot.

    I can remember someone in the cell next to me (one of the toughest lads on the wing) sending me sum weed wrapped up in a sheet of paper through the edges that had worn away around the pipes that run through the back of the cell. the paper appeared and was empty. when I told him this he went mental screeching at how he was gonna kill me when the doors opened for lunch. my pad mate was bricking it, but all I could say, above the guys threats was "we'll see". when the door opens for lunch I walked passed him and all said was "haha got ya!" turns out he hadnt sent anything and was just testing me. we eventually got the weed and that was that. he was a nasty fucker though, I remember hearing the screams of his padmate (another welshy, like myself) who he kept battering in what he called "a fair fight". the welsh lad had to spend weeks down the hospital wing with broken ribs and was covered in bruises like nothing Ive ever seen before.

    I think the point Im trying to make is that they can beat you up and try and terrorise you but once they see your not scared they lose interest. bullies need a victim; so dont be a victim. and if you ever do get locked up go on the proper wings cos they can be equally funny as they are scary. most of my times I had there were a laff, even though sum times were terrifying.
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