Home Is Where The Heart Is

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Baron Mynd, Oct 22, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Messages:
    10,367
    It’s my living quarters, a place to stay. It’s bricks and mortar. Vacant space I sit in bored from day to day. It’s windows. Doors. It’s smoke-stained ceilings. It’s timber floors in no way heated. It’s cold, grey evenings. The damp is rising. This lonely feeling just amplifies it. It’s standard sized. The lighting works. The bathrooms fine, I don’t mind the dirt. There’s no blinds or curtains, roof tiles are missing. No outside conversions. No stylish kitchen. Just piles of dishes I’ve left to clean. There are nice additions. There are steps that creak. There’s a bed to sleep in but the springs are broken. There’s expensive leaks and you think I’m joking! The sink has mould in, but the stairs have carpet, and this is home. This is where my heart is.
    test
  2. BeatBox Eternal

    BeatBox Eternal New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2005
    Messages:
    2
    Again, cool little piece here dude... the flow (literally and figuratively,) works. Not often you see something that works from start to finish, stays on track, sounds nice (schematically.) Just the consistency is refreshing. And its a fresh take.

    Overall: cool. I'll keep my head up.

    *Beatz
    test
  3. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    207
    Perfect flow for me, great work. This could be perfect as an interlude on an album, with some heavy wu-tang'esque beat behind it & a solid moog bassline. I'm liking that layout too. Beats all those backslashes & quotation marks of styles past.
    test
  4. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    757
    not good from the rap or even the poetry standpoint this is only effective writing must put yourself into it like this

    I'm giving orders from my living quarters embrace the day from the place i stay it's made of bricks and mortar sometimes I feel sick and out of order so i sit in bore not a legit store in sight I find day by day I let my mind runaway but hope remain and feeling while here under smoke stained ceiling look I'm tired of these timber floors and these slender doors not locking I stay off the streets chilling but no heat in this building shit what to do?
    test
  5. MrFlux001

    MrFlux001 Member

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2012
    Messages:
    207
    Giving orders to who? "Sit in bore" doesn't make sense. "Legit store", what? You have a bad habit of writing utter shit with zero flow.

    Baron is a person to learn from, not correct with your own retarded idea of what rap is.

    Log out & fuck off.
    test
  6. bagglad

    bagglad Member

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2005
    Messages:
    757
    MrFlux001 WOW YOU'RE AN ENGLAND BUM AND YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT hiphop HEY WHACK BITCH WHY ARE MY RHYMES BEING STOLEN AND YOURS NOT HA! HA! HA!
    test
  7. Baron Mynd

    Baron Mynd Swaggersaurus Rex

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2003
    Messages:
    10,367
    Thanks for the advice.

    Appreciated.
    test
  8. Spitblaze

    Spitblaze New Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2010
    Messages:
    12
    Look like u need more work, work on ur complexity, flow, Creativity,.
    test
  9. Coup d'état

    Coup d'état Don't believe the hype

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,096
    a crisp read
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)