Him, It, whatever u wanna call it...

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by Lyrical B^tch, May 30, 2003.

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  1. Lyrical B^tch

    Lyrical B^tch New Member

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    And so..we met again today
    no different than any other day
    same cafe same table..
    but everytime we meet and sit..
    so many different thoughts
    run through my head..
    Some times im so confused
    I dont know what i want to
    say to you..and what i CAN
    figure out to say
    I cant figure out how imma
    say it to you..
    so I just sit their..staring at you
    that smooth black exterior of yours
    free of any bruises or blemishes
    but once I figure out how to
    say what i want to say to you..
    that hard black exterior of yours
    cracks open and my thoughts
    become yours..
    some how where on the same page..
    I love it so much when we meet..
    Its like spiritual intercouse..
    You open my mind to so many
    thoughts, feelings, opinions and possiblities
    Damn!! I think im in love yall..
    we could just sit and communicate forever
    that is...
    until i run outta pages..​
    test
  2. lpoet

    lpoet POET

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    i like this.....kinda confused me in a few places but still good


    Some times im so confused
    I dont know what i want to
    say to you..and what i CAN
    figure out to say
    I cant figure out how imma
    say it to you..


    fav lines

    keep it up
    test
  3. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    I get it Miss B...You're talking about your book huh?
    test
  4. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

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    Word@Aungee..

    I guess it is about her book, because it's quite obvious it's about her notebook filled with poetry or just a normal book, she's writing, whichever. I believe that this was very delicatly written and I also thought that you stayed on topic through out the whole piece with a solid structure to hold up what happened to be one of the better pieces I've seen from you, because I've seen around one or two, I believe. Anyway, keep it up, boo. My blessings..
    test
  5. Lyrical B^tch

    Lyrical B^tch New Member

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    yeah its about my book..tried to make the reader think it was about a man..until the end..when u find out its my journal...ty everybody for the feed back..I really appreciate it..up
    test
  6. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    oh no doubt I liked this one right here

    I feel where you coming from....

    nice use of words and all didnt really rhyme much but the way you wrote it was very interesting...I enjoyed it

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  7. *GeMiNeYeZ*

    *GeMiNeYeZ* ~§¤Sweet Shinobi¤§~

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    haha i know how that is... man i wish the post coulda came out the way u tried to do it... that woulda been tight... wonderful piece forreal though.
    test
  8. Lyrical B^tch

    Lyrical B^tch New Member

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    lol...ty for peepin everybody..up
    test
  9. Lyrical B^tch

    Lyrical B^tch New Member

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    I know it aint no deep shit but can i get a few more responses and some suggestions..up
    test
  10. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    creative piece here. At first i did kinda think you was talkin about a man or something, until i got to the middle of it. Good work

    one luv
    test
  11. ~S*T*A*R*M~

    ~S*T*A*R*M~ Goddess

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    [color=ffcc99]That was nice, but since you asked for some suggestions, here goes ...

    The title kinda threw me. In retrospect, it's a bit vague. I thought you might've been talking about God, actually (until towards the ending). I think a stronger title could've helped to shape it a bit more.

    The concept was coo.. I think you could've developed it more by making it longer.. more robust.. more intimate even. With these types of personified poems, you wanna really draw your reader in.. you can't rush it. You should either try to lengthen it and let the natural progression of details come in, or make it really evident that this is a "real person," but not to the point where it's saturated; it's like a balance.

    This was coo' tho'... I've never seen a book personified in poetic form before, so it was nice a change. Like I said, I thought it was good, but to be better, I think it could've used more depth.


    My 12 cents.[/color]
    test
  12. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

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    took the words right outta my mouth...the way it is, it's good to build off of...a blueprint even. Fine tune it a little bit, and you'll be ready to hit the stage with it.
    test
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