Her Testimony My Shame

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by lpoet, May 29, 2003.

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  1. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
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    -convo between a brother and sister who havent spoken in years

    brother sister


    So why did u bring me here?


    She eyed the ground then slowly lifted her head
    Whipped her face and cleared her throat
    Initially I was taken back by the sincerity in her voice
    And how carefully she seemed to choose every word she spoke

    I just wanna be beautiful again
    Beautiful like a scripture, perhaps the third psalms
    I begged of him to stop but his mind was somewhere else,
    And he continued to push on
    I tried everything
    Biting,
    Pulling,
    Scratching,
    Yelling,
    But he was just to strong…..
    i always told myself
    That this is what he needed
    I mean it had be so long


    I interrupted…NO

    please let me go on
    ….and again she spoke..

    It was a brisk Sunday afternoon
    The sun was just beginning to retreat beneath the clouds as
    We sat talking for hours about life, philosophy, the bible
    And countless other things beneath the stars and the moon
    Eventually he leaned over to kiss me, and I turned my head
    It was just to soon, my body was lonely and yearned for his
    Prescience, but not even time could heal these wounds….
    But he didn’t care!
    He ran one hand up my blouse exposing my breasts
    And the other ran up my thighs……
    I saw the lust In his eyes and I screamed
    He covered my mouth and preceded on for what
    Seemed like hours
    Eventually
    I couldn’t feel him
    I couldn’t see him
    I couldn’t hear him
    I had just let go……..
    When I finally opened my eyes
    I lied naked beneath these trees


    So that’s….
    Yes, that’s how he was conceived

    My mind drifted back to a place
    where I never wanted to be again
    Little Joshua James Givens
    entered life wrestling with death
    Body blue, emergency C section
    umbilical cord raped around his neck
    Doctors told me he didn’t make it
    Why?
    Crack in his veins…..
    No!…
    not the nephew to Aaron little brother to Kyla
    destined to carry on the family name
    I remember I couldn’t even bare the sight of you……
    But now my body rains pain
    The sweat the tears………I’ve never been so ashamed

    2 BE CONTINUED............
    test
  2. unspoken1

    unspoken1 Revolutionary Wordsmen

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2002
    Messages:
    758
    you that was a great piece man.....imagery on point...emotion on point....very nice....very creative......keep doing what you do.....oh yea if you want to collab im down
    test
  3. Poetic N Nature

    Poetic N Nature New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2003
    Messages:
    72
    Ipoet... must say that I truly love ya pieces... 9.5/10 (ya know how I do)...

    There are a couple shaky parts... nothing major, but I would revisit.. maybe add a line or two to tie it tightly together... other than that... masterpiece....
    test
  4. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    Haven't see a piece like this so far on what I've been reading on RapMusic.com so far. Nice imagery, great creativity within the idea of this piece. I think of this as a deep, emotional setting and the sister coming out with what she feels inside, etc. Pretty obvious what the deal is. I like how you say "to be continued" at the end to have us curious and wanting to read the continuing piece of what you've wrote so far. Once again, great work, sonnie. My blessings..
    test
  5. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    Well damn...you was holdin' it down real nice with that one...Where da hell you been at and why you ain't postin'?? Anyway, i can't wait till the next part to this...shit got me like damn...what happened next?!
    test
  6. mocha_licious

    mocha_licious New Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,740
    LORD HAVE MERCY!.................WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....

    AIGHT...LOL.........I KNOW U DIDNT COME OUT WITH THA LINE TO BE CONTINUED...(WHAT?!!!!) OMG...U GOT ME LIKE DAMN...CAN I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND WHAT U SAID?...


    THIS WAS SOOOOOOO EXTREMELY NICE AND U GOT MAD SKILLS.....

    ~IM THERE WHEN U COME BACK WITH THA CONTINUATION...U BETTA BELI DAT!!!LOL~


    ~ONE LOVE AND MUCH RESPECT~
    test
  7. DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA

    DA-SMOOTHEST-TALKA The Silencer

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2000
    Messages:
    2,569
    I interrupted…NO

    please let me go on….and again she spoke..

    It was a brisk Sunday afternoon
    The sun was just beginning to retreat beneath the clouds as
    We sat talking for hours about life, philosophy, the bible
    And countless other things beneath the stars and the moon
    Eventually he leaned over to kiss me, and I turned my head
    It was just to soon, my body was lonely and yearned for his
    Prescience, but not even time could heal these wounds….
    But he didn’t care!
    He ran one hand up my blouse exposing my breasts
    And the other ran up my thighs……
    I saw the lust In his eyes and I screamed
    He covered my mouth and preceded on for what
    Seemed like hours
    Eventually
    I couldn’t feel him
    I couldn’t see him
    I couldn’t hear him
    I had just let go……..
    When I finally opened my eyes
    I lied naked beneath these trees

    So that’s….
    Yes, that’s how he was conceived


    lol my goodness what was i keeping my eyes from? *Covers then opens them* lol this was shitty fa reals i luved it the whole lines above me were damn good i really liked the set up fa reals thats what caught my eye no doubt. Keep writing and get at me later i saved you on my buddy list for Aim holla dun.
    test
  8. Feme Sole

    Feme Sole Mrs. _Evil

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2002
    Messages:
    37,722
    you got into the psyche of a woman for this one......that really impressed me.....beautiful use of language, nice word choices......
    test
  9. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 1999
    Messages:
    2,986
    man this was deep

    left me a lil misty eyed I cant even lie....this hit really close to home

    My girlfriend was raped...

    But anyway I like how you flipped this and laided out all the detail and then even added a twist at the end

    I'll be looking for more from you

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  10. Atmosphera

    Atmosphera New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2003
    Messages:
    77
    I Was Going To Wait But...............

    Such A Deep Topic To Touch On, Constructed Well With Excellent Views Of This Situation.

    I Want More Like A Novel I Need The Finish

    Yet I Shall Wait

    Excellent Work
    test
  11. whats up man?, this was a really solid piece, emotional, moving and hardhitting, really liked it.
    test
  12. bribaby

    bribaby New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2003
    Messages:
    38
    This was outstanding. Even better for me the second time reading it. i dont know how u come up with these ideas. Very creative. Cant wait for this drama to continue.
    test
  13. Craccer_Jacc

    Craccer_Jacc SudAnillyst

    Joined:
    Mar 29, 2003
    Messages:
    252
    my fellow poet i am always pleased when i read your work. this was wonderous the descriptions and the chosen words *applauds* this is one of the best pieces i have seen from u keep them commen and i still am waiten to collab with u if your down


    oh and by the way i think i will stay awhile this time i have alot of issues to get out
    test
  14. bribaby

    bribaby New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2003
    Messages:
    38
    check your email!
    test
  15. $eqra

    $eqra sometimes it hurts

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2002
    Messages:
    239
    You exposed my heart with this. I thought i would cry in a room full of people. Very well written. Very vivid. much respect
    test
  16. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    hot damn boy this was ill as fuck, one of the best from you i think by far. The imagery was on lock and the structure was nice. Everything flowed well...hot damn this was some deep shit

    i'm jealous

    one luv
    test
  17. UnknownLady

    UnknownLady Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2001
    Messages:
    818
    Dam Ipoet! this is right here got me speechless. When are you going to grace us with the part 2? This was far beyond great. You go boy.


    I'm Out
    test
  18. skandelous_lala

    skandelous_lala back from the dead

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2000
    Messages:
    26,748
    very interesting..good choice of words and imagery..however that's all i can say until i see this piece beginning to end and know entirely where its going :p
    test
  19. MissChevious

    MissChevious New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2003
    Messages:
    15
    This Imagary was very MUCH on point ..... It held my attention and touched my heart ..cant wait fo it to be continuted


    ---luv---
    test
  20. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
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    appreciate all the love

    workin on pt II
    test
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