Have you seen me?

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by absolute zero, Oct 27, 2004.

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  1. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    My veins poured ink.
    My mind is my canvas.
    I stood weary, with my pen
    For defense.
    I'm thoughtless, with
    Poems to give you:
    If that makes any sense.

    I've swam on the rooftops.
    Slept on the side of skyscrapers.
    I was perfectly understood.
    Which is imperfection at it's purest.
    I took eternities.
    And formed them into bleeding roses.
    Then watched them grow into beauty.

    Poet of evermore.
    I searched for truth, and found none.











    Hint: Your voice is a winter wind. Bitter; the heartbeat of my sins. Shattering love against my skin.
    test
  2. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    uppin for sleepers
    test
  3. ManMadeofAshes

    ManMadeofAshes *DREAMER

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    this is real nice. You have a good style that seems almost dreamy to me...

    "I've swam on the rooftops.
    Slept on the side of skyscrapers.
    I was perfectly understood.
    Which is imperfection at it's purest.
    I took eternities.
    And formed them into bleeding roses.
    Then watched them grow into beauty."

    ^ very cool lines

    I am definately feeling this peice, and the rhythm goes very nicely with what is being expressed. Glad I read. Uppin, I think this deserves some love.

    ashes
    test
  4. Wicked5744

    Wicked5744 Last I awoke, it was morn

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    I like your style a lot. It kind of reminds me of my own. "I've swam on the rooftops" That line is the only one that has me kind of boggled. It's not that it doesn't belong or that it's a bad line, I'm just tryin to figure out exactly what aspect that describes. Keep the ink flowin...peace.
    test
  5. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    test
  6. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    come on....daym..lol
    test
  7. RealMS

    RealMS Ne te quaesiveris extra

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    I was perfectly understood.
    Which is imperfection at it's purest.


    I like the concept-its like you speak from yourself, but for everyone (poets, writers) who is in the same boat you know. Btw, is this BrokenSoul? If not I'm sorry lol. Back to the poem, I like the title as well, it seems so innocent just sayin it, like you're searching for inner truth. You write what you are ("you" not necessarily meaning you, but anything "you" stands for) but you still wonder on if you see YOU. I could be off but thats my take. Very good IMO
    -Much Love
    test
  8. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    lol yea it's me ma......
    test
  9. quotive

    quotive 3

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    I read this, sorry I didn't reply homie! lol

    "My veins poured ink.
    My mind is my canvas.
    I stood weary, with my pen
    For defense.
    I'm thoughtless, with
    Poems to give you:
    If that makes any sense."

    That shit is nice. It reminds me of me.. but I would never say "If that makes any sense." because it kind of takes away from the whole stanza. Its like.. yeah I said it, but what does it mean.. ya know?

    Didn't really like the second stanza..

    "Poet of evermore.
    I searched for truth, and found none"

    I love that though, kind of describes me lol..

    Ill drop.. you're my fav.!
    test
  10. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    lol...good lookin out...

    the "if that makes any sense" line...i dont know...i just felt that it would help....maybe it's just me...I wanted to openly question myself...like i was crazy and know it....i dont know...does that make any sense? lol

    God Bless
    test
  11. UFO the Phoenix

    UFO the Phoenix I DONT BELIEVE IN ALIENS!

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    woooooooooooord up

    first off why the name change?

    Second off DOPE POEM!

    Swiming over rooftops line was my favorite line...man u have a way with words yo for real

    keep em coming

    Holla

    PEACE AND GODBLESS
    test
  12. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    I hated the numbers in my name...and i aint tryin to buy all them points to change my name...ugh...lol....

    Good lookin out....

    p.s...getcho ass on AIM more....how we supposed to collab. if i aint never talk to you
    test
  13. Dot~calm

    Dot~calm ...:::MIC CONTROLLER:::..

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    it was ok...a lil short though you could have made it a little longer and the flow and every thing was good.....im not gonna pic out a favorite lin e cause that is gay........it was pretty good....but if it was longer it could have extended the picture you were tryin to paint.
    test
  14. MzDee

    MzDee Where Stars Fall.....

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    this was a nice read and a great poem just showing some love peace
    test
  15. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    ok????
    test
  16. Sporadic

    Sporadic New Member

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    i'm really diggin this ish.."I'm thoughtless, with
    Poems to give you:
    If that makes any sense." I can relate to that..."I took eternities.
    And formed them into bleeding roses.
    Then watched them grow into beauty."...deep, and crazy...I CAN DIG IT! This poem was maaad dope, I need to read it a few more times in order to take it for the great piece it really is though...good shit....okay, and after a few more reads, this line stuck out the most: "I was perfectly understood.
    Which is imperfection at it's purest." - wow...i'm speechless...this poem is a great work of art...hit up my poems, i'd love to hear your replies...
    test
  17. absolute zero

    absolute zero Among the living

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    no doubt...thanks fa sho...
    test
  18. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

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    Didnt even realize you're brokensoul. Been reading your shit and saying, "wow he writes just like brokensoul" [funny]

    I'll get back to this later. If I dont just hit me up.

    one luv
    test
  19. MACM

    MACM not an MC but mAAd cool

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    until that note at the bottom I thought you were referring to the reader (me) .. that note just confused me.. now I just think you're talking about existance :-/ .. nice work though

    loved this last line
    I searched for truth, and found none.

    it's like.. hey I was looking for truth and the only truth is that there is no truth

    stay up bro!
    test
  20. nathedawg

    nathedawg New Member

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    really like the imagery you used in this piece....

    i like the line of imperfection
    it really reminds me of some of my earlier writings....
    rep points for this piece...
    test
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