gun on my waist

Discussion in 'Open Mic' started by Bret_Hart, Jul 15, 2010.

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  1. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    i got a gun on my waist like a belt
    try to take it off get sent to hell
    my raps like diarheaa u dont want it my shit
    spurt out of ya ass like a heroine's hit
    test
  2. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    bullets like rapmusic.com they start with three w's
    double you? naw nigga double me im raw like w's
    test
  3. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    test
  4. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    its pretty weak man. Im guessing your fairly new to writing.
    try writing a concept or a story. the mechanics in your writing were elementary, and one syllable rhymed. the topic was blah. not much either. try reading a little more and develop a little better flow and you'll read (sound) better. the taunts/disses in this were very imaginitive or creative. so it wasn't much to read. plus it was pretty short. read alot of open mics in here to see how it's done. there are some cats that have been here for a while droppin decent open mics. once you perfect your text, your audio's will sound better. That is if you even want to take it there. anyway hope that was good enough feedback.


    pce.
    test
  5. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    test
  6. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    my gun like a musical instrument and i wanna drum my flute out
    cuz me and my gun like a soccer game...if i draw its a shootout
    test
  7. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    how was that?
    test
  8. dsp2k5

    dsp2k5 Dime Sack Pimp

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    Well now you ended it with two syllables ...ok whatever, but where are the rest of the bars?
    Posted via Mobile Device
    test
  9. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    Obviously you can't handle feedback. Thx for the negative rep.
    test
  10. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    my attempt at mulits:

    the gun on waist will delay your fun to the late
    ur a bum with ya face and this fight like dinner im done with my plate
    test
  11. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    4 syllables
    test
  12. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    no one even posts in these forums im wastin my time
    test
  13. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    yo i spit a hot shit like my lips on fire
    im like a hot air ballon take you higher
    flow so deep it fulfill ya deepest desire
    2009 is gone and i had a 'good year'..but i aint workin wit tires
    test
  14. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    i take trips to vegas...sometimes to nevada
    i stay gettin money u aint gettin nada
    deal with some gucci and sometimes wit prada
    white girls call me daddy..spanish chicks call me papa
    test
  15. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    cripz 4 life...if i see red im chargind at you like a bull
    ur raps like a dumb student in class...they are dull
    my raps like a car with a gas tank that is full
    cuz im not stoppin soon til my words impreganate ya skull
    test
  16. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    ^^^those were all freestyle by the way
    test
  17. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    any feedback? i stopped with the multis cuz they were too hard to think of

    i think my flow is there though
    test
  18. Bret_Hart

    Bret_Hart New Member

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    im out for today...will be back tommorrow later for more
    test
  19. nO gOoD!

    nO gOoD! Life Music :: Press Play

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    still needs work bud. it shouldn't sound so forced
    test
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