guilt

Discussion in 'Poetry Realm' started by h.wood, May 25, 2003.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    3,706
    i have witnessed first hand the turning of the tide
    felt the bodies of water churning and was soothed by the steadiness of the eye
    i've been lost between mass hysteria and spontaneous suicide
    but have found my destination and balanced myself upon the boderline.
    for what i give is taken and then tarnished by replies
    transfered, transformed , and mistaken because it's seen through eyes which are not mine
    those i cant appease , i would like to reconcile
    and rectify the dormant, who have lost the will to smile
    pouring from the pitcher each a glass of sunrise
    letting them drink untill they're lit- like tequilla torched fireflies
    i'll shutter by like butterflies which flutter my insides
    singing lullabys the mother i
    quiets my inner cries....

    and to whom it may concern- i love you without the why's
    wonder shys and wander lies
    wearing old hats as a disquise
    coats are fine , but throw those useless shades aside
    hearts only thaw when you realise they dont beat well with eyes

    i apologize ..
    wicked i, am guilty of just a few crimes
    and the shame i hide keeps blankets tied in nooses relationship wide
    because i cover up... on chilly nights warming what i'm denied

    feeling locked and shut outside
    but from rain this roof keeps me dry
    surrounded by four corner spies
    listening to empty cradles cry
    oh so soft i'm tucked in tight
    streching in a bed 6 feet wide
    then i wake and realize it's turn upon it's side
    test
  2. TuNed RooT

    TuNed RooT Love is introduction ..

    Joined:
    May 25, 2003
    Messages:
    869
    I like how the measurements of lines switched and shrunk throughout the whole piece. Nice movement of the words and best yet, how I was reading it outloud, their was much flow to it. Well, from my own perspective, because sometimes you need the individual who wrote it read it to actually determine if it flowed or not. Other than that, the metaphorical statements were pretty nice and sweet, similies were there as well. Those two aspects are my favorites, because it really paints an image in your head of what you're trying to think of and that's guilt. Here's an example of a simile/metaphor that you used, which I felt completely:

    "those i cant appease , i would like to reconcile
    and rectify the dormant, who have lost the will to smile
    pouring from the pitcher each a glass of sunrise
    letting them drink untill they're lit- like tequilla torched fireflies"


    I was glad that I'd read this, but keep the pen steady and I'll keep my eyes reading. My blessings..
    test
  3. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    3,706
    thank you very much. i was alittle worried with the way it would read , but it read aloud good to meglad you like it ^
    test
  4. awesome, i lurve reading your poetry girl[kissu]
    test
  5. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    3,706
    thanks brit
    test
  6. augee.ali

    augee.ali Lively Up Yourself...

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2003
    Messages:
    1,734
    This right here ^^^ is the most profound part of the whole joint. It was very sincere. To me it sounds as if you were saying what we want could be right in front of us and we don't see it because we're so busy hiding. Maybe I'm wrong. I liked this joint though.
    test
  7. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    3,706
    yep. i'm sooo glad someone got that-lol thank you
    test
  8. varentao

    varentao New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2003
    Messages:
    765
    It flowed in a very rought yet kind of enchanting way (that's the wrong word to use...but along those lines..)..

    ..wel that's how it was to me anyway...it bought with it an on the edge style that though maybe fell off a couple of times...overall added to the raw flow of the piece...oh, and the imagery was used to good effect too..

    ..what more is there to say?..but..

    ...resp...
    test
  9. Mind~$oul

    Mind~$oul I'm Pretty

    Joined:
    Apr 10, 2001
    Messages:
    17,331
    augee ali took my quote this was a great piece holly, like always. Seem like you gettin deeper and deeper with ya shit.

    one luv
    test
  10. lpoet

    lpoet POET

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2002
    Messages:
    12,678
    i think that i always end my pieces well

    u on the other had always seem to start them well

    the first few lines of your pieces always seem to draw me in

    and this was no different....

    and

    and to whom it may concern- i love you without the why's
    wonder shys and wander lies
    wearing old hats as a disquise
    coats are fine , but throw those useless shades aside
    hearts only thaw when you realise they dont beat well with eyes

    whew

    i know someone else quoted that

    but damn

    great line

    lovin this right here

    up for you
    test
  11. h.wood

    h.wood IMAGINATION SUPER STAR

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2002
    Messages:
    3,706
    test
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

Users Viewing Thread (Users: 0, Guests: 0)